THE political world was rocked this week as dissenting fantasy football managers stormed Kenna HQ in protest at the chairman.
The managers of Judean Peoples’ Front, Dagger’n’Redbridge, Lokomotiv Leeds, and Young Boys overwhelmed security forces to occupy Kenna HQ, before desecrating the chairman’s cocktail cabinet, smashing up the Titus Bramble Lounge (pictured), and taking recreational drugs in the executive toilet.
The attack is thought to have been sparked by the perceived unfair treatment of the quartet of managers who failed to turn up to the September auction, and had their teams completed by autofill once all the best players had been sold.
Mobile phone footage of the insurrectionists shows them shouting slogans ‘free the absentees’ and ‘hell no autofill’.
Once the alcohol had run dry, the rebels got bored and left, telling TV news crews outside they would continue to take revenge at the transfer window two weeks on Friday.
The chairman, who was away from Kenna HQ in self isolation, played down security fears, putting the sedition down to jealousy.
‘Let’s not forget, these managers all failed to attend the auction, so if they end up with the likes of Mesut Ozil and Odion Ighalo they’ve only got themselves to blame.
‘They may have occupied Kenna HQ for a couple of hours, but they’ll be occupying four of the last five places in the table for the rest of the season.
‘Of course, the other place will be occupied by the Craft Beer Wankers manager who did attend the auction, but performed so badly he’s got Glenn Murray and north London serial killer Dennis Nilsen up front.’
Kenna League week 17
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