Sergio Aguero stole the show in the Kenna openers taking just half an hour to rack up 14 points.
The Vasco De Beauvoir striker, nicknamed ‘Kun’ because of a JRR Tolkein-themed Elvish tattoo on his arm, scored two goals and provided an assist to Just Put Carles midfielder David Silva, who also netted.
Despite picking up four clean sheets, champions Young Boys’ start was marred by reports of disciplinary problems at the club after the sending off of Gervinho and a booking for Kieron Richardson.
“All my Young Boys are impeccably behaved,” said the manager, standing by his tactical whiteboard and rubbing off a schoolboy’s cock. “I rule this dressing room with a rod of iron.”
Debutants FC Testiculadew’s strike force of Rooney and Dzeko hit the ground running with a goal each, and Lurliners midfield looks productive with two assists from Ashley Young and a goal from Fabrice Muamba.
Having let in four goals already, Newington Reds goalkeeper Paddy Kenny could be even more exposed in the next six weeks now that Rio Ferdinand has picked up an injury.
“Kolo Toure didn’t make the bench and Samir Nasri: will he ever play?” sighed the Reds manager.
The boffins at HQ are working around the clock to have the league table ready for next week.