A record 75 players were culled this week as managers attempt to improve their team’s chances ahead of tomorrow night’s transfer window.
FC Testiculadew’s Jose Bosingwa and Bala Rinas’s Andrey Asharvin were among the high-profile names to contraversially find a P45 in their pigeonholes yesterday, as their respective managers deemed them surplus to requirements.
“Bosingwa’s made one of his best starts to any season. He has the odd wobble, but in that position he’s the best player we’ve got and he just signed a new contract,” said the Chelsea fan in the office in a rare moment of reasoned analysis.
There was scandal surrounding the Judean Peoples’ Front manager, who in a leaked communique entitled ‘sweeping changes’ described his team as an “underperforming bunch of tossers”. The club released six players.
The Pikey Scum boss went one better, releasing seven signings back into the pot, including Bacary Sagna.
Just Put Carles, who currently lie second in the table, were the only team not to release any players.
Below is a list of footballers, rightly or wrongly, discharged by managers.
On the right, find a document entitled ‘Available players’, split into positions and ordered in points scored.
Players released by Kenna clubs
In no particular order
1. FC Testiculadew
2. Newington Reds
3. Pikey Scum
4. Spartak Mogadishu
6. Vasco De Beavoir
7. Hairy Fadjeetas
8. Lokomotiv Leeds
9. Polonia Forsyth
10. Dan Terry Seduction
11. Young Boys
12. PSV Mornington
13. Headless Chickens
14. Dynamo Charlton
15. Judean Peoples’ Front
17. Bala Rinas
18. Thieving Magpies
19. Just Put Carles