Ramsey strike takes out pop diva
‘We were aiming for Syrian leader’ says Dynamo boss
Aaron Ramsey received the full backing of his manager today after mistakenly killing Whitney Houston.
The Dynamo Charlton midfielder’s 75th-minute strike on Saturday sounded the death knell for the troubled pop singer.
The diva is Ramsey’s fourth scalp. His previous three goals spelled the end of terrorist leader Osama Bin Laden, Apple boss Steve Jobbs and African tyrant Colonel Gaddafi.
In an eyebrow-raising press conference, the Dyanmo Charlton boss claimed the strike didn’t hit its intended target, but he’d have his player working extra hard in training to make up for it.
“We saw the job Aaron did taking out Bin Laden for the Americans last May and we knew then he’d be a good investment,” said the Dyanmo gaffer to stunned silence.
“If I told you that before the summer auction we’d pick him up for £2m, you’d never have believed me.
“Considering his awareness on the ball, his passing ability and the money Bill Gates was offering for Jobbs, there ain’t no way I was going to miss out on signing him.”
Assad day for soul
As journalists’ jaws hit the floor, the Dyanmo manager revealed that having successfully eliminated Colonel Gaddafi for the Libyan National Transitional Council, the club was approached by the United Nations.
“After hitting some red tape with the Russians and Chinese, the UN asked us to take care of Syrian president Bashar al-Assad. Sadly, Whitney copped it instead. I suppose it was just one of those days.
“I said to Aaron after the game ‘I believe in you and me’, and we’ll be working extra hard this week in training,” the Dynamo boss said.
Under club rules, Ramsey will get have to cough up £50 towards the end-of-season party for missing the target.
“What can I say?” said the manager, shrugging his shoulders.”He’s hit three in four attempts.
“That’s a lot better than Victor Moses.”