DESPITE goals from Robin Van Persie and Ramires this week, Judean Peoples’ Front are yet again struggling to maintain their public image.
The club’s press office was sent into overdrive as world events came crashing through the door of the Kenna and right into the mid-table club.
As millions of people watched the trial of Norwegian mass murderer Anders Breivik it dawned. He looks remarkably like the JPF manager.
The media immediately began drawing parallels. The remorselessness shown by the Bond villain henchman-esque Scandinavian was likened to that of the JPF boss during the Ashley Williams transfer affair.
Eager to avoid a repeat of that last PR disaster, the JPF boss was quick to call a press conference.
“Now look here, I may have told the odd ginger joke and don’t get me started on the bloody English, but I share none of Breivik’s extremist views on multiculturalism,” said the manager of the team with one of the fewest black minority ethnic players in the league.
Official league equality and inclusion champion the Spartak Mogadishu manager, no stranger to heavily-armed men in wetsuits turning up uninvited, was not convinced.
“Yarrr! Ye all be rac1sts,” he yo-ho-hoed.
Next week: finalists for the Cannestan Combi Cup will be decided as the semi final second leg results due.
Download a full breakdown of the scores from the ‘Details’ box on the right hand side of this page.