Fingers in the cup

Cup group stage draw 2012
No expense spared: The cup group stage draw was a lavish event

QUESTIONS are being asked by the Kenna HQ bean counters after the Chairman made a suspicious expenses claim for the Canestan Combi Cup group stage draw.

Dancing girls, lobsters and Nubian boys hired to pick only the blue M&Ms from hundreds of packets all found their way into a receipt submitted to the apparatus, as well as costs for an exclusive central London venue.

Sponsors and the media had been told the cup group stage draw, from which the top four teams from each group will progress to the knockout stages, had put Kenna HQ on a level with the London 2012 opening ceremony and the Queen’s Diamond Jubliee.

But evidence has been unearthed that the draw was a shabby, two-bit affair performed by the Chairman using nothing more than a handful of post-it notes, a beanie hat and four sides of A4 paper.

“These rumours are absolutely preposterous. There were girls in bikinis serving a lavish menu to a handful of global megastars. I can’t believe that social media reporting live from the event didn’t make that clear,” said the Chairman when confronted with a twitpic of the Spartak Mogadishu manager’s high top.

In light of the evidence, the Kenna HQ finance department is now asking for the £80,087,322 claimed by the Chairman back again.

The Canestan Combi Cup group stage matches will be played over five game weeks between now and the February transfer window.

In each game week two teams will compete head to head. The team that scores the most goals in that week will claim three points.

League table

Week 10 - 6 November 2012
Week 10 – 6 November 2012

Weekly scores

Manager Points Goals
1 PSV Mornington El Pons 33 2
2 Dynamo Charlton Alex 33 0
3 Lokomotiv Leeds Ben S 32 2
4 Wandsworth Window Lickers Will 31 4
5 Judean Peoples’ Front Sholto 31 0
6 Sporting Lesbian Ben M 28 1
7 Northern Monkeys Hugo 27 1
8 Vasco De Beauvoir Stix 24 0
9 FC Testicluadew James N 23 0
10 Hairy Fadjeetas Aiden 23 0
11 Woking Mike 23 0
12 Headless Chickens John N 21 0
13 Spartak Mogadishu Abdi 20 1
14 Bala Rinas Lewis 19 0
15 Still Don’t Know Yet Pete 16 1
16 Newington Reds Dudley 16 0
17 Pikey Scum Jack 16 0
18 Just put Carles Carles 15 0
19 Greendale Rockets Stu 14 0
20 Piedmonte Phil 7 0


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Author: The chairman

Ascended to the chairmanship of the Jeff Kenna League Fantasy Football League in 2007 after co-founded the league in London in August 2005.