Nearly tripped by a Bramble

Titus Bramble
Russia blood to the head:  A Bramble own goal wasn’t enough to knock his own team out the cup (Photo courtesy of the England 2018 bid)

TITUS BRAMBLE lived up to his Kenna reputation by scoring an own goal, but it wasn’t enough to stop his team from progressing to the semi finals of the Canesten Combi Cup.

Spartak Mogadishu took a first-leg lead home to win a close-fought battle with Northern Monkeys in the Somali capital on aggregate.

“Yarrrrr! That yellow-bellied scoundrel Bramble will be feelin’ the tip o’ me cutlass in training this week,” said the Pirates boss suggestively of his haphazard defender.

A draw in Mogadishu was a good result for Northern Monkeys, particularly given security fears that Islamic extremists Al Shabaab may target the fixture.

The Northern Monkeys manager said: “We covercame home-grown terrorists, a crumbling infrastructure, high unemployment and a lack of decent plumbing to make it this far in life only to be undone by an unlucky first leg.”

Spartak will face FC Testiculadew in the semis after, as predicted on these very pages last week, Dimitar Berbatov and Loic Remy helped poach a win from a two-goal deficit.

In the other semi, Still Don’t Know Yet trounced Vasco De Beauvoir to set up a tie with the untouchable Sporting Lesbian.

The Still Don’t Know Yet manager said: “When a van load of heavvies in balaclavas kidnapped James Collins from the team hotel in August I vowed revenge on the league, and to knock the Chairman’s team out of the cup is sweet revenge.”

Asked by media to respond to this claim at a press conference, the Chairman fumed: “Why can’t you vultures just leave these allegations alone? I will only talk about football.

“There is no hard evidence linking me to the Collins affair, far-right political groups in Italy or the disappearance of Madeleine McCann.”

Still Don’t Know Yet 2 (3) – 0 (1) Vasco De Beauvoir
Kone, Gerrard

Sporting Lesbian 1 (3) – 1 (2) Just Put Carles
Michu                                               Silva

Spartak Mogadishu 2 (4) – 2 (3) Northern Monkeys
Taraabt, Benteke                               Bramble og, Cazorla

FC Testiculadew 3 (4) – 1 (4) Dynamo Charlton  – FCT win 32-23 on second-leg points
Berbatov x2, Remy                   Tevez

Semi finals

Still Don’t Know Yet v Sporting Lesbian

Spartak Mogadishu v FC Testiculadew

League table and weekly scores are available by downloading The Rub from the link on the right-hand side of this page.

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Author: The chairman

Ascended to the chairmanship of the Jeff Kenna League Fantasy Football League in 2007 after co-founded the league in London in August 2005.