Chairman: The Kenna wants Januzaj

Adnan Januzaj
Half an hour after a Kenna window in which no one mentioned Adnan Januzaj had closed, managers watched the winger score two goals on a pub telly (photo courtesy of Sabrina M. Ramadhani)

By the Hairy Fadjeetas manager

THE CHAIRMAN has revealed that the Kenna is one of several leagues keen to sign up Adnan Januzaj.

The Belgium-born, 18-year-old marked his full debut on Saturday with a match-winning brace and is already being touted as a possible candidate for the PFA Young Player of the Year.

But Januzaj, who is of Kosovan descent, is eligible to play for a number of different leagues already: Belgium, Albania and Turkey among them.

Speaking outside Kenna HQ, the chairman said: “Obviously the Kenna is made up of 23 of the finest managerial footballing brains in Europe, so clearly this boy Janachuck or whoever has been on our radar for some time.

“I can confirm that the only reason he hasn’t been signed by one of our managers is because of confusion over his eligibility and nothing at all to do with them not knowing anything about him. That suggestion really is laughable. I’m sure I speak on behalf of everyone in the Kenna when I say ‘Adam Janachuck, remember the name’.”

Asked if the Kenna had ever been in touch over Januzaj, the youngster’s parents replied: “A few seasons ago, the Young Boys manager offered to show him some puppies in a disused farm building, but we’ve heard nothing more from the Kenna until now.”

It’s understood that Kenna blazers are now hastily drawing up dossiers to discredit the “dubious claims of Belgium, Albania and Turkey.”

League table

Kenna table wk 7 - 8 October 2013
Kenna table wk 7 – 8 October 2013

Weekly scores

Manager Points Goals
1 Judean Peoples Front Sholto 34 2
2 Still Don’t Know Yet Pete 31 1
3 Bala Rinas Lewis 29 1
4 Dynamo Charlton Alex 28 1
5 Piedmonte Phil 28 1
6 Dulwich Red Sox Luke 24 2
7 Headless Chickens John N 24 1
8 Newington Reds Dudley 23 2
9 Spartak Mogadishu Abdi 22 1
10 Hairy Fadjeetas Aiden 21 1
11 Just put Carles Carles 21 0
12 Pikey Scum Jack 20 1
13 This is Sparta…Prague Rich 20 1
14 Young Boys Denney 19 0
15 Lokomotiv Leeds Ben S 17 0
16 Northern Monkeys Hugo 17 0
17 KS West Green Stix 15 1
18 PSV Mornington El Pons 15 0
19 FC Testiculadew James N 14 0
20 Team Panda Rules OK George 14 0
21 Sporting Lesbian Ben M 13 0
22 Rapids De Cullons CF Jorge 12 1
23 St. Reatham FC Mike 12 0
Points Player
Player of the week 12 Remy, L – NEW – STR
Club Newington Reds
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Author: The chairman

Ascended to the chairmanship of the Jeff Kenna League Fantasy Football League in 2007 after co-founded the league in London in August 2005.