Facebook teen changes ‘will unlock talent’

Reflection: The Young Boys manager stressed the importance of grooming teenagers (photo courtesy of Paul Walsh)

THE YOUNG Boys of Vauxhall manager has welcomed plans allowing teenagers to make their Facebook profile public.

Campaigners claim the changes to privacy settings will encourage cyberbullying and unsavoury interest from adults, but the Young Boys boss is convinced the added scouting potential will increase his team’s chances of identifying football talent and improve their chances of winning a second Kenna title.

The Welsh manager needs all the help he can get this season after suffering a catastrophe at the first transfer window earlier this month, despite signing in-form Andros Townsend.

He absentmindedly bought too many midfielders and fell foul of the Titus Bramble ruling. The team’s best midfielder was removed by the league and replaced by Operation Yewtree suspect Rolf Harris as a forfeit.

A tactic to raise quick cash by selling Vincent Kompany also backfired when only £5m was paid for the Belgian by fellow strugglers St Reatham FC.

The Young Boys had to settle for an injured Martin De Michelis as replacement. The Argentine defender joins Harris, Townsend, Nathan Redmond and Sone Aluko as new signings at the club, which failed to climb above 18th place in the weekend back from the international break.

The Young Boys manager remains upbeat. He said: “Everyone knows that the secret to future success is to groom the best talent from an early age. These Facebook changes to teenage privacy settings will let us target boys as young as 13 – a key age in their development both as footballers and people.

“Some parents can be a little overprotective of their children at this age, but they shouldn’t be concerned. Here at the club we regularly help our youngest, most impressionable players to escape distractions and focus on their game. It’s just me, Rolf Harris and 10 Young Boys in a flat in Vauxhall. What could possibly be untoward about that?”

Headless Chickens maintained their grip on first place and remain top goal scorers despite not finding the net this week. The Chickens boss welcomed Facebook’s decision to allow beheading clips to return to the social media site.

“We were being discriminated against,” he said.

League table

Kenna table wk 8 - 23 October 2013
Kenna table wk 8 – 23 October 2013

Weekly scores

Manager Points Goals
1 Northern Monkeys Hugo 43 2
2 Hairy Fadjeetas Aiden 36 4
3 Still Don’t Know Yet Pete 34 2
4 FC Testiculadew James N 33 3
5 Judean Peoples Front Sholto 33 2
6 Team Panda Rules OK George 31 1
7 KS West Green Stix 28 2
8 Rapids De Cullons CF Jorge 26 2
9 Just put Carles Carles 26 0
10 Pikey Scum Jack 25 2
11 Piedmonte Phil 25 1
12 Lokomotiv Leeds Ben S 24 1
13 Newington Reds Dudley 24 0
14 Spartak Mogadishu Abdi 22 1
15 Young Boys Denney 21 1
16 Headless Chickens John N 20 0
17 St. Reatham FC Mike 20 0
18 Dulwich Red Sox Luke 19 2
19 Dynamo Charlton Alex 19 0
20 Bala Rinas Lewis 18 0
21 Sporting Lesbian Ben M 16 0
22 PSV Mornington El Pons 11 0
23 This is Sparta…Prague Rich 11 0
Points Player
Player of the week 15 Hazard, E – CHE – MID
Club Hairy Fadjeetas
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Author: The chairman

Ascended to the chairmanship of the Jeff Kenna League Fantasy Football League in 2007 after co-founded the league in London in August 2005.

4 thoughts on “Facebook teen changes ‘will unlock talent’”

  1. Just stumbled across this very geeky Excel spreadsheet that I created for a fantasy football competition I was running for the 09/10 season. You have to enable macros and editing towards the top.   I had way too much time on my hands back then…..! My favourite bit is the automatically generated stats section on the team pages (especially the “titles currently held” section).   As a fantasy football Chairman I thought you might appreciate the effort that went into creating it! (if it will work on your PC/Excel that is..)      


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