The 1,000-year Kenna

Stalin poster
The art of leadership: Celebratory portraits of the chairman are to be printed ahead of the Kenna’s 10-year anniversary next summer

THE Kenna league chairman stands accused of totalitarianism over changes to cup regulations.

The incident started when the first round results of last week’s Canesten Combi Cup sparked angry complaints from the Young Boys of Vauxhall manager, who thought the cup ties were still decided on points scored in a competitive week.

Cup rules were amended by Kenna HQ at the beginning of last season so that goals scored rather than points would decide the result between two opposing teams.

The new arrangements made it easier for managers to follow their team’s progress over the weekend. At the time the move was widely praised in the media as a masterstroke of the chairman’s administrative acumen.

The Young Boys manager, who didn’t enter last term’s Kenna for suspicious reasons thought to be counter-revolutionary, said: “This is ridiculous. When did this rule change? What a joke changing it to goals. What’s next? Why don’t we have a cup based on assists or clean sheets or yellow cards?

“This is symptomatic of a Kenna leadership which becomes more and more authoritarian with every season. He treats the league like his own personal fiefdom, making up rules to suit his team whenever it suits and punishing managers on a whim. Why do you think he founded the manager experiences department? It’s just a pseudo secret police unit to use as a means to control the docile management in the league.”

Reacting to the defamatory and provocative comments made by the Young Boys manager, the chairman retained the munificence and wisdom that has so often been characteristic of his time in office.

He said: “The Young Boys manager is free to air his views about cup regulations and I would be very keen to hear his thoughts face to face. I’ve arranged for representatives from our manager experiences department to collect the manager from his home and bring him here for questioni….further dialogue.”

League table

Kenna table wk 11 - 12 November 2013
Kenna table week 11 – 12 November 2013

Weekly scores

Manager Points Goals
1 Piedmonte Phil 49 2
2 Lokomotiv Leeds Ben S 33 2
3 Dulwich Red Sox Luke 32 1
4 Still Don’t Know Yet Pete 30 3
5 Bala Rinas Lewis 29 1
6 Sporting Lesbian Ben M 29 1
7 Hairy Fadjeetas Aiden 28 1
8 Judean Peoples Front Sholto 28 1
9 Pikey Scum Jack 26 1
10 Team Panda Rules OK George 26 0
11 Young Boys Denney 24 0
12 Headless Chickens John N 23 1
13 Just put Carles Carles 21 0
14 FC Testiculadew James N 19 0
15 KS West Green Stix 18 0
16 Newington Reds Dudley 17 1
17 St. Reatham FC Mike 17 1
18 This is Sparta…Prague Rich 15 2
19 Spartak Mogadishu Abdi 15 1
20 Northern Monkeys Hugo 13 1
21 Rapids De Cullons CF Jorge 12 0
22 PSV Mornington El Pons 10 1
23 Dynamo Charlton Alex 8 0
Points Player
Player of the week 15 Suarez, L – LIV – STR
Club This is Sparta…Prague
Share Button

Author: The chairman

Ascended to the chairmanship of the Jeff Kenna League Fantasy Football League in 2007 after co-founded the league in London in August 2005.