Rooney space mission upsets St Reatham FC plans

Persian monkeys
Substitute: Wayne Rooney (left) was sent into space instead of the original cosmonaut.

By the Hairy Fadjeetas manager

ST REATHAM FC’s weekend preparations were thrown into turmoil as club star striker Wayne Rooney was sent into space by the Persian Mafia.

Rooney, who has bagged 81 points for the mid-table outfit, missed key training sessions due to the unscheduled rocket ride but was said to have returned ‘in perfect health’.

It’s rumoured that Rooney and St Reatham were approached by the Persians after their first choice cosmonaut overdosed on bananas. It’s thought he was allowed to take his own life after he embarrassed state officials by sending an unconvincing stand-in to a scheduled photo call with the world’s media.

The St Reatham boss was unavailable for comment this afternoon with the club’s press office informing journalists that ‘he has not fled to Switzerland to avoid difficult questions about an incident on Chobham Common – that’s just speculation’.

England manager Roy Hodgson was also unavailable for comment.

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tehran

Author: The chairman

Ascended to the chairmanship of the Jeff Kenna League Fantasy Football League in 2007 after co-founded the league in London in August 2005.