Manager to Skype in from Alpine hideout

Chobham Common
Road to perdition: The St Reatham FC manager has been wanted by police since Natalie Sawyer’s bloodied corpse was found on Chobham Common in April (photo courtesy of GanMed 64)

SUSPECTED murderer the St Reatham FC manager has admitted he will not be able to attend Friday’s Kenna transfer window in person for fear of being apprehended by authorities.

Speaking from his hideout in Switzerland, the manager said he would have to bid over Skype in the Kenna transfer auction while the heinous crime committed in south east England last year remains unsolved.

Surrey Police have wanted to question the current St Reatham manager since last April when the battered corpse of Sky Sports News presenter Natalie Sawyer was found by a dog walker on Chobham Common.

Then in charge of Kenna club Woking, the manager was the last person seen with Ms Sawyer after a taking a punditry screen test for Sky Sports News.

A huge fan of Brentford Football Club, it is thought Sawyer was lured by the Surrey man into his car with the promise of showing her some Bees memorabilia.

Many thought the pressure of poor performances in the league, which saw the Woking manager take the Bramble jersey at the transfer window this time last year, had led to him savagely beating the sports anchor to death.

Their manager on the run, Woking finished bottom of the table in May.

Police later retrieved a tire iron and a Phil Collins CD – both smeared with the manager’s DNA and forensically linked to the crime scene – hidden behind some old training cones at the Woking practice ground.

The St Reatham FC manager said yesterday: “Due to my enforced stay in the non-EU safe haven of Switzerland, I have been unable to send a postcard [with players to be released].

“Until I can prove my innocence I’m confined to Basel. Therefore I will need to Skype in.”

Kenna managers had until today to submit their unwanted players to the league – by post for a transfer bonus of £10m or by any other communication for £5m.

Gathered in The Enterprise in Holborn on Friday evening, managers will fill the gaps in their teams at auction.

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Author: The chairman

Ascended to the chairmanship of the Jeff Kenna League Fantasy Football League in 2007 after co-founded the league in London in August 2005.

2 thoughts on “Manager to Skype in from Alpine hideout”

  1. My Sawyer…er, I mean lawyer (Saul Goodman) has asked me to stress that there has been no official approach from Surrey police and I was only brought in to help them with their enquiries. However, like Amanda Knox I have absolutely no intention in returning to the country of my crime.

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