FCT go top ahead of transfer window

Hugo Drax
Moonraking them dry: Once again the FC Testiculadew manager had been caught red handed watching unauthorised films using club equipment  (photo courtesy of lucy_sarson)

PANTOMIME villain the FC Testiculadew manager is wringing his hands in sinister fashion after leading his side to the top of the Kenna League.

Goals from Edin Dzeko, Christian Benteke, Jonjo Shelvey and Kevin Mirallas saw FC Testiculadew cruise past a dismal performance from Hairy Fadjeetas.

The FCT manager is hunting for his second league title in just three years of competing in the Kenna.

Despite winning the league on debut by a record 129 points in the 2011/12 season, the manager is most well known for inventing the pernicious act of tactical Brambling – an underhand ploy to subvert the league’s forfeit procedure, the Titus Bramble ruling.

In the 2012 Emmanuel Olisadebe Euros auction, the FCT manager calculated that by deliberately springing the Titus Bramble ruling late in the auction under previous Kenna laws, he could free up funds and gain a financial advantage.

Kenna HQ has since brought in heavier penalties to discourage against tactical Brambling.

New regulations have not stopped the Olisdebe auction becoming known as the graveyard of the Kenna’s spirit.

The FCT manager has continued to be marked by his ruthlessness towards the Kenna and his unscrupulousness interpreting league regulations.

Speaking to media this morning outside the club’s Itchyballs Park training facility, the FCT manager said: “First there was the dream, now the reality. Here in the untainted cradle of the heavens will be created a new super race, a race of perfect physical specimens.”

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rrPB2BER0c]

Kenna table

Kenna table week 22 - 4 February 2014
Kenna table week 22 – 4 February 2014

Weekly scores

Manager Points Goals
1 FC Testiculadew James N 77 4
2 Pikey Scum Jack 59 4
3 Newington Reds Dudley 58 1
4 Piedmonte Phil 57 3
5 KS West Green Stix 53 3
6 Northern Monkeys Hugo 49 3
7 Sporting Lesbian Ben M 47 2
8 Rapids De Cullons CF Jorge 46 1
9 Bala Rinas Lewis 45 1
10 Lokomotiv Leeds Ben S 44 3
11 Judean Peoples Front Sholto 44 2
12 Team Panda Rules OK George 43 2
13 Just put Carles Carles 41 0
14 Still Don’t Know Yet Pete 39 4
15 St. Reatham FC Mike 38 1
16 This is Sparta…Prague Rich 36 1
17 Young Boys Denney 36 0
18 Spartak Mogadishu Abdi 32 2
19 Headless Chickens John N 31 1
20 Hairy Fadjeetas Aiden 29 0
21 Dynamo Charlton Alex 26 0
22 Dulwich Red Sox Luke 23 0
23 PSV Mornington El Pons 21 1
Points Player
Player of the week 17 Sturridge, D – LIV – STR
Club Pikey Scum
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Author: The chairman

Ascended to the chairmanship of the Jeff Kenna League Fantasy Football League in 2007 after co-founded the league in London in August 2005.