Kenna League agrees lucrative Metro Bank sponsorship deal

Metro Bank deal
M-People: Soon after this photo was taken Metro Man was heard to invite the Kenna chairman for a ‘cheeky Tuesday livener’

METRO Bank will become the main sponsor of the Kenna League as part of a £120m deal, it was announced today.

The three-year agreement includes everything from titles sponsorship of the Kenna League and exclusive world-wide marketing rights to corporate match-day hospitality to providing the pub buffet at auctions and transfer windows.

Media were invited to a launch event this morning at Metro Bank’s flagship Holborn branch in central London.

“This sponsorship shows the Kenna is a serious player in world football. We look forward to what promises to be a mutually beneficial relationship,” said the Kenna chairman, his eyes glazed over with pound sterling currency symbols.

There were a few raised eyebrows in the press pack when it turned out that rather than the chief executive or commercial director, the bank had left affairs to their mascot – Metro Man.

“I can assure you that I speak of behalf of the bank’s leadership team when I say we’re delighted to be entering this exciting partnership with the Kenna League,” enthused Metro Man a little too loudly, having emerged from the bank’s executive lavatory after an inordinate amount of time.

The M-shaped mascot tried to engage security staff in an arm wrestle and offered several of the branch’s nonplussed female employees a peek at his ‘love letter’, before posing for pictures with the Kenna chairman.

Metro Man demanded: “Get a wriggle on with these snaps will you? I want to get down to Coq d’Argent to toast this deal with a few bottles of Krug, sharpish. I’m doing a primary school at two.”

City analysts have questioned the legitimacy of the agreement.

In the league this week, Young Boys climbed out of the relegation zone for the first time in 10 weeks.

The feat was attributed to new signing Emmanuel Adebayor enjoying one of his three good weeks of the season. Months of underperformance lie ahead.

Kenna table

Kenna table wk 24 - 18 February 2014
Kenna table wk 24 – 18 February 2014

Weekly scores

Manager Points Goals
1 Pikey Scum Jack 48 1
2 Young Boys Denney 42 3
3 Sporting Lesbian Ben M 39 3
4 Newington Reds Dudley 38 1
5 Northern Monkeys Hugo 38 0
6 Piedmonte Phil 37 2
7 Bala Rinas Lewis 36 3
8 Judean Peoples Front Sholto 36 1
9 Rapids De Cullons CF Jorge 32 2
10 Team Panda Rules OK George 28 1
11 St. Reatham FC Mike 28 0
12 Headless Chickens John N 26 2
13 FC Testiculadew James N 26 0
14 Dynamo Charlton Alex 24 0
15 Still Don’t Know Yet Pete 24 0
16 Lokomotiv Leeds Ben S 22 1
17 KS West Green Stix 22 1
18 Just put Carles Carles 21 0
19 Spartak Mogadishu Abdi 21 0
20 Hairy Fadjeetas Aiden 20 0
21 PSV Mornington El Pons 19 0
22 This is Sparta…Prague Rich 18 0
23 Dulwich Red Sox Luke 8 0
Points Player
Player of the week 15 Sturridge, D – LIV – STR
Club Pikey Scum
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Author: The chairman

Ascended to the chairmanship of the Jeff Kenna League Fantasy Football League in 2007 after co-founded the league in London in August 2005.