CALLS for an official inquiry have been heard around the Kenna after teams led by two high-ranking league officials registered resounding cup victories in what was otherwise a quiet week for goals.
In the first leg of the Canesten Combi Cup last 16 fixtures, KS West Green and Bala Rinas – managed by the Kenna chairman and treasurer respectively – both scored four shots on target, or ‘got an Oscar’s night‘, as it has recently become known.
A hat-trick for Andre Schurrle and a rare Curtis Davies strike secured a vital away win for the chairman’s side over Judean Peoples’ Front, whose manager is best known for looking like Norwegian mass murderer Anders Breivik.
Johnny Heitinga, Romelu Lukaku and a brace from Moussa Sissoko saw Bala Rinas cruise to victory over a lacklustre Team Panda Rules OK performance.
No doubt spurred on by either ongoing events in Ukraine, a faction led by the Young Boys of Vauxhall manager has questioned the integrity of the league and called for a full investigation.
“You see this? I wouldn’t wash my car with this! And not only because it’s a piece of paper,” he fumed at his chamois.
The Chairman’s response was uncharacteristic, but made clear upon watching the YouTube video below. He said: “Yo, you want fantasy football? I got fantasy football. I got the best fantasy football.
“This area’s dry, man. You know that. I know that. Ain’t nobody arranging fantasy football but me.
“I got auctions, I got transfer windows, I got pub crawls. I’ve got the finest cup competition this area has seen in years. You need me and I need you. Let’s make this work.
“You buy entry to the league, you get entry to the cup totally free. Gratis.
“I got everything. Even a World Cup fantasy auction, baby.”
Canesten Combi Cup last 16 first leg results
Rapids De Cullons 1 – 0 Northern Monkeys
Dynamo Charlton 0 – 2 Newington Reds
St Reatham FC 0 – 0 Lokomotiv Leeds
Team Panda Rules OK 1 – 4 Bala Rinas
Judean Peoples’ Front 0 – 4 KS West Green
Headless Chickens 0 – 0 Spartak Mogadishu
FC Testiculadew 2 – 1 This is Sparta…Prague
PSV Mornington 0 – 1 Hairy Fadjeetas
|1||KS West Green||Stix||33||4|
|5||FC Testiculadew||James N||25||2|
|6||Lokomotiv Leeds||Ben S||25||0|
|7||Team Panda Rules OK||George||25||0|
|10||Just put Carles||Carles||20||1|
|11||Still Don’t Know Yet||Pete||20||0|
|12||Rapids De Cullons CF||Jorge||19||1|
|13||Sporting Lesbian||Ben M||19||0|
|14||This is Sparta…Prague||Rich||18||1|
|17||PSV Mornington||El Pons||14||0|
|18||Judean Peoples Front||Sholto||13||0|
|20||Dulwich Red Sox||Luke||11||0|
|21||St. Reatham FC||Mike||10||0|
|22||Headless Chickens||John N||8||0|
|Player of the week||17||Schurrle, A – CHE – MID|
|Club||KS West Green|