Busting for an update

The Piedmonte hardline
Burqa-use I’m happy: Despite his leanings, the Piedmonte manager was overjoyed to find in his absence from the transfer window he automatically signed Abel Hernandez (photo: 4thlion)

THE Kenna League has awarded the lucrative contract to refurbish the committee’s executive bathroom to a Polish builder.

Work many considered to be long overdue began late last week, but critics of the chairman say the project has led to a bureaucratic slowdown at Kenna HQ.

No communication has been published since the season’s first transfer window 10 days ago. Managers desperate for confirmation of which mid-table treadwater bought which form-fiddling flake, who topped last week’s league and exactly what time the chairman woke up the day after transfer night have been disappointed.

The chairman brushed aside concerns he’s losing is grip on the league.

“Do you think Martin Luther King made his famous speech while busting for a jimmy? Did Hannibal trek through the Alps without stopping to pinch one off on a vinegary rock? The Kenna committee is making crucial decisions with far-reaching consequences every single day. You expect us to consider these matters reasonably and equably without serenity to which to retreat when it’s touch and go?”

“Kenna HQ will only be running essential functions during the period of renovation,”he said, returning from the garden while doing up his fly.

The building work may have interrupted normal operations, but is has led to some hilarious moments for followers of the chairman on social media networking site Twitter*.

*Warning: moments may not be hilarious

Kenna table

Kenna table 28 October 2014 - week 9
Kenna table 28 October 2014 – week 9

Weekly scores

Manager Points Goals
1 Lokomotiv Leeds Ben S 40 4
2 Cowley Casuals Stu 37 1
3 Young Boys Denney 35 2
4 St Reatham FC Mike 31 1
5 Sporting Lesbian Ben M 29 2
6 Still Don’t Know Yet Pete 28 1
7 Piedmonte Phil 26 0
8 Headless Chickens John N 23 1
9 Bala Rinas Lewis 23 0
10 Hairy Fadjeetas Aiden 22 0
11 Walthamstow Reds Dudley 22 0
12 Pikey Scum Jack 17 0
13 Fat Ladies Ted 17 0
14 FC Tescticuladew James N 16 1
15 KS West Green Stix 16 0
16 Dynamo Charlton Alex 12 0
17 Team Panda Rules OK George 11 0
18 Just Put Carles Carles 11 0
19 Judean People’s Front Sholto 9 0
20 Hoxton Pirates Abdi 6 0
Points Player
Player of the week 12 Sanchez, A – ARS – STR
Club Sporting Lesbian
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Author: The chairman

Ascended to the chairmanship of the Jeff Kenna League Fantasy Football League in 2007 after co-founded the league in London in August 2005.