Hairy Fadjeetas manager vows to tackle rough

Gorilla salad
Gorilla salad: Hairy Fadjeetas have looked ugly up front this season (photo: Elizabeth Halsam)

The Hairy Fadjeetas manager has claimed a ‘striker conspiracy’ is the reason for his side’s poor form.

Having reached the heady heights of fourth place in the third week of the season, Fadges lost form and dropped down the table a little each week since. They now find themselves struggling in 11th place.

Striker problems have characterised the side’s performances. The hopeless partnership of Glenn Murray and David Nugent scored but one goal between them in the first seven competitive weeks.

At October’s transfer window the manager’s only business was to discard the pair in favour of Radamel Falcao and Papiss Cisse, which everyone except the Senegalese viewed as a bit of a gamble. According to official league records both forwards are yet to register a goal.

Fadges have relied on goals from midfield. Eden Hazard is their top scorer.

Through his rolled-down car window outside the club’s Bikini Lane ground the Fadges boss said to journalists this morning: “There’s a striker conspiracy and I won’t rest until I’ve found the missing goals.

“My message to the many fans of Hairy Fadjeetas is: the only way is up. To experience the smooth we sometimes have to the tackle the rough, and that’s what everyone at this club is hell bent on achieving. Tackling the rough.”

Kenna HQ has dismissed the manager’s comments as sour grapes. A smug chairman said: “This is the first we’ve heard of any ‘missing goals’. We would suggest the only thing Hairy Fadjeetas are missing is a decent manager. And some Canesten Com….oh, shit a brick! I’ve forgotten to arrange the cup draw. Interview terminated. No, naff off. Somebody open up the Kenna HQ situation room. Get those little bits of torn up paper. Where’s my drink?”

Kenna table

Kenna week 12 - 25 November 2014
Kenna week 12 – 25 November 2014

Weekly scores

Manager Points Goals
1 Bala Rinas Lewis 42 3
2 Cowley Casuals Stu 33 1
3 Walthamstow Reds Dudley 31 2
4 Just Put Carles Carles 26 1
5 Pikey Scum Jack 25 2
6 Dynamo Charlton Alex 24 2
7 Fat Ladies Ted 24 0
8 Sporting Lesbian Ben M 23 0
9 Headless Chickens John N 23 0
10 Piedmonte Phil 22 0
11 Judean People’s Front Sholto 22 0
12 Team Panda Rules OK George 20 1
13 Lokomotiv Leeds Ben S 19 2
14 KS West Green Stix 19 0
15 St Reatham FC Mike 18 1
16 Young Boys Denney 17 0
17 Hairy Fadjeetas Aiden 16 1
18 Hoxton Pirates Abdi 16 1
19 FC Tescticuladew James N 12 0
20 Still Don’t Know Yet Pete 9 0
Points Player
Player of the week 11 Ings, D – BUR – STR
Club Unsigned
Share Button

Author: The chairman

Ascended to the chairmanship of the Jeff Kenna League Fantasy Football League in 2007 after co-founded the league in London in August 2005.