They struggled to keep their composure when it turned out the patient had a back four of Philippe Senderos, Wes Brown, Christian Gamboa and Chico Flores (photo: Monash University)
THE Fat Ladies manager has quit his job blaming imminent surgery for his decision.
The Leamington Spa-born manager said he needed to get a pimple removed from his backside and that was why he had made the decision to leave the club, who are second bottom of the Kenna League.
“I need immediate surgery,” said the Fat Ladies manager. “I need my players to give their asses on the pitch. If I can’t give mine 100 per cent on the training field it’s better for someone else to take over.”
The manager’s rear end has taken one hell of a beating in this season’s Kenna, his team scoring just three goals in 22 weeks of the competition. Table toppers Sporting Lesbian have found the net 32 times in the same period.
Fat Ladies won the Kenna League in 2008, but after time away from football since being relegated in 2010 the manager has found it difficult adjusting to life back in the competition this campaign.
The club said in a statement today they needed a safe pair of hands to oversee the managerial transition. Some bloke who once got drunk and trashed the Blue Peter garden will take temporary charge.
There were reports the Fat Ladies manager was one game from the sack before his side scored a third goal of the campaign this week thanks to £35m Daniel Sturridge’s return from injury.
The club’s other goals came in week two, again from Sturridge, and from a Kevin Nolan strike nearly two months ago.
The Fat Ladies manager said the timing of his decision may look suspicious but added: “I know what people think – that I’ve been sacked, or stormed off because we couldn’t get the players in – but I can’t control what people think. There’s a pimple on my bum that needs medical care.”
The timing could not be worse for the club going into Saturday’s Kenna transfer window, the second and final chance for managers to freshen up their sides.
One player everyone will hope to avoid signing on the weekend is the league’s bête noire Titus Bramble. The out-of-work defender is awarded as a forfeit to anyone breaking auction rules.
When a photo emerged last night of Bramble apparently signing for Barcelona, the chairman was quick to spot the ruse.
@_Total_Footy_ @19tmb @FCBarcelona Surely he’d have the vacant number 19 shirt?
— Stix (@jeffkennaleague) February 3, 2015
Full scores and tables can be downloaded from The Rub.
Kenna table – week 22 of 37
Weekly scores
|
Manager |
Points |
Goals |
||
|
1 |
Walthamstow Reds | Dudley | 36 | 1 |
|
2 |
Piedmonte | Phil | 36 | 1 |
|
3 |
Headless Chickens | John N | 32 | 2 |
|
4 |
FC Tescticuladew | James N | 29 | 0 |
|
5 |
Lokomotiv Leeds | Ben S | 28 | 1 |
|
6 |
Judean People’s Front | Sholto | 27 | 0 |
|
7 |
Cowley Casuals | Stu | 26 | 1 |
|
8 |
Dynamo Charlton | Alex | 24 | 2 |
|
9 |
Hairy Fadjeetas | Aiden | 22 | 1 |
|
10 |
Sporting Lesbian | Ben M | 22 | 1 |
|
11 |
Still Don’t Know Yet | Pete | 21 | 1 |
|
12 |
Bala Rinas | Lewis | 18 | 1 |
|
13 |
Team Panda Rules OK | George | 17 | 1 |
|
14 |
Fat Ladies | Ted | 16 | 1 |
|
15 |
St Reatham FC | Mike | 16 | 0 |
|
16 |
KS West Green | Stix | 15 | 0 |
|
17 |
Pikey Scum | Jack | 11 | 0 |
|
18 |
Young Boys | Denney | 8 | 0 |
|
19 |
Just Put Carles | Carles | 8 | 0 |
|
20 |
Hoxton Pirates | Abdi | 8 | 0 |
|
Points |
Player | |||
| Player of the week |
16 |
Walters, J – STO – STR | ||
|
Club |
Unsigned |
