Kings Stores, Spitalfields

Kings Stores, Spitalfields (photo: Ewan Munro)

CASTING around for a pub for Saturday’s Kenna transfer window, league blazers found a previous auction venue had rebranded.

It was worthy of note only because The Golden Fleece in the City of London, which now belongs to the Metropolitan Pub Company, hosted the August 2012 auction scene of the infamous ‘Bramble Hour’. More of that later.

The Metropolitan Pub Company also runs the Kings Stores, a back street boozer in Spitalfields where managers congregated for Saturday’s second and final window of the Kenna League season.

The pub proved to be an excellent venue, but it wasn’t the interesting range of beers or smart decor that most remarkable. The table service available to the 10 managers gathered was superb.

The man on duty Tumi was attentive and friendly, always on hand to take a drinks order and keeping up with everyone’s individual tabs, all while rendering the same care to other patrons.

Service of this sort was thought to have died with the Victorian era, but the gaggles of passing Jack The Ripper tourists could well have marvelled that like beery conversations between Londoners in narrow thoroughfares outside buzzing pubs, this heritage survives into the 21st Century.

A Kenna tradition in no danger of being scotched is the transfer window turning into a farce after a couple of hours. The steady flow of craft lager did not disappoint.

Just as the summer 2012 auction saw 60 treacherous minutes of managers falling over the Titus Bramble forfeit ruling after a few drinks, Saturday saw two relegation-embroiled sides suffer from all sorts of recklessness.

Going into the window to make a record 10 changes to his side, the Fat Ladies manager even contrived to lose his one remaining player – and only decent one at that – Daniel Sturridge.

After watching the north London derby followed by three hours of transfer activity, the exact events are hazy. Nevertheless, a clear memory remains of the Fat Ladies labouring under the assumption Jonathan Walters was a midfielder, buying one striker too many and ending with a forfeit player.

So called ‘Bramble players’ are chosen as much for their current affairs status as for their inability to add any value to a club. For this window the outgoing members of Rotherham Council and convicted deviant Paul Gadd were being doled out to errant managers.

At the foot of the table, the Hoxton Pirates manager’s last chance of salvation was beached when he ended the night with two northern councillors and the former rock star numbered among his ranks.

Like the quality of the pub itself, the Pirates manager’s protest and the debate to follow therein will live long in the memory of all managers present. Gary Glitter: midfielder or defender?

All new signings will begin scoring from tonight. For a full roundup of the weekend’s scores download The Rub.

Kenna table – week 23 of 37

Kenna week 23 - 10 February 2014
Kenna week 23 – 10 February 2014

Weekly scores

Manager Points Goals
1 Sporting Lesbian Ben M 35 1
2 Cowley Casuals Stu 35 1
3 St Reatham FC Mike 34 1
4 Pikey Scum Jack 31 2
5 Walthamstow Reds Dudley 29 1
6 FC Tescticuladew James N 27 1
7 Lokomotiv Leeds Ben S 26 1
8 Judean People’s Front Sholto 23 0
9 Hairy Fadjeetas Aiden 22 1
10 Team Panda Rules OK George 21 0
11 Dynamo Charlton Alex 20 1
12 Piedmonte Phil 20 0
13 Hoxton Pirates Abdi 19 0
14 Bala Rinas Lewis 17 0
15 Fat Ladies Ted 17 0
16 KS West Green Stix 15 1
17 Still Don’t Know Yet Pete 14 0
18 Just Put Carles Carles 13 0
19 Headless Chickens John N 12 0
20 Young Boys Denney 7 0
Points Player
Player of the week 13 Blind, D – MUN – DEF
Club FC Tescticuladew
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Author: The chairman

Ascended to the chairmanship of the Jeff Kenna League Fantasy Football League in 2007 after co-founded the league in London in August 2005.