1984 John Hurt

KENNA managers have stepped up their personal security detail after the league announced it would launch an inquiry into the latest Canesten Combi Cup fiasco.

The review is being made in response to allegations by Young Boys after the side was knocked out of the cup last 16 stage on away goals.

The Young Boys manager believes the cup rules are flawed and disagrees with a last-minute fixture change which saw his team eliminated.

An ‘open and transparent’ inquiry was announced this morning by the chairman, but many Kenna managers fear it will lead to another round of intimidation and oppression by Kenna HQ’s manager experiences department.

With a reputation for brutality, the manager experiences department is thought to be little more than a means for the chairman to impose his total will on dissident members of the league.

Rumours abound of the department’s unscrupulous cruelty. Nocturnal abductions and underground carpark beatings are commonplace.

More recently the department has taken to using former footballers to carry out orders. Managers to express negative sentiment about the league leadership have reported waking up trapped on a spa break with Robbie Savage or with the barrel of Michael Ballack’s Mauser thrust into their mouth.

Some even believe this latest inquiry could lead to a purge of the league committee.

“These are simply rumours spread by enemies of the league. The inquiry will be open and transparent and seek to understand what improvements can be made to the Canesten Combi Cup for next season,” said the chairman, before confirming any cup results to date will be not be overturned.

The Young Boys manager was unavailable for comment. No one at the club has seen him since he got into a black Mercedes outside the ground yesterday.

Full team and individual scores are available at The Rub.

Kenna table – week 29 of 37

Kenna table week 29 - 24 March 2015
Kenna table week 29 – 24 March 2015

Weekly scores

Manager Points Goals
1 Bala Rinas Lewis 40 3
2 Team Panda Rules OK George 36 3
3 Judean People’s Front Sholto 35 2
4 Dynamo Charlton Alex 34 4
5 St Reatham FC Mike 33 2
6 Hairy Fadjeetas Aiden 32 1
7 Cowley Casuals Stu 32 0
8 Pikey Scum Jack 29 1
9 Just Put Carles Carles 26 1
10 Sporting Lesbian Ben M 25 2
11 Fat Ladies Ted 25 0
12 Lokomotiv Leeds Ben S 24 1
13 KS West Green Stix 23 0
14 Young Boys Denney 21 1
15 Still Don’t Know Yet Pete 21 1
16 Headless Chickens John N 15 0
17 FC Tescticuladew James N 14 0
18 Hoxton Pirates Abdi 13 0
19 Piedmonte Phil 12 1
20 Walthamstow Reds Dudley 11 0
Points Player
Player of the week 17 Kane, H – TOT – STR
Club Dynamo Charlton
Share Button

Author: The chairman

Ascended to the chairmanship of the Jeff Kenna League Fantasy Football League in 2007 after co-founded the league in London in August 2005.