Bala-palava

Splinter Cell Guy - Hubert M

THE Bala Rinas manager has been arrested on suspicion of sabotaging the David De Gea deal.

Wearing black balaclava, action jacket, combat trousers and toy night vision goggles, the Bala Rinas manager, who is also Kenna League treasurer, was stopped by security trying to sneak out of Fifa’s Zurich HQ with a pair of wire cutters.

Twenty minutes of interrogation and fondue in a Swiss police station were enough to break down the Bala manager, who admitted to subverting the deal in an attempt to keep the Spanish goalkeeper in with a chance of Kenna appearances.

The treasurer remains in cantonal police custody, where he was informed of his rights and his defender Jolean Lescott’s move from West Brom to Aston Villa.

The Walthamstow Reds boss was left light up top as a transfer failed to materialise for speculative auction signing Charlie Austin.

Reds must scrape through to the October window with just Bojan in attack, who is yet to enter the field of play this season. It’s unlikely the manager will recuperate the £13m paid for Austin. Or indeed the £2m for Bojan.

Elsewhere, Just Put Carles are now without the services of American midfielder Bradley Johnson.

The only winners this August were the Young Boys manager, whose canny snaffling of Pedro helped the side to second in the table, and the Dynamo Charlton manager who collects the campaign’s first Manager of the Month award.

Kenna table – week 4

Kenna table week 4 - 1 September 2015
Kenna table week 4 – 1 September 2015

Weekly scores

Manager Points Goals
1 Bala Rinas Lewis 47 2
2 FC Tescticuladew James N 42 4
3 Young Boys Andrew D 38 2
4 Dynamo Charlton Alex 36 0
5 Thieving Magpies Phil 35 2
6 Northern Monkeys Hugo 35 0
7 Team Panda George 29 0
8 Newington Reds Ben D 27 0
9 Cowley Casuals Stu 25 0
10 Pikey Scum Jack 24 0
11 Headless Chickens John N 24 0
12 Carles Carles 23 0
13 ISIL Abdi 19 0
14 Lokomotiv Leeds Ben S 18 1
15 Judean People’s Front Sholto 18 0
16 KS West Green Stix 15 1
17 Uncertain Pete B 13 0
18 Wandsworth Network Solutions Will 11 1
19 Hairy Fadjeetas Aiden 10 1
Points Player
Player of the week 12 Sinclair, S – AVL – MID
Club FC Tescticuladew
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Author: The chairman

Ascended to the chairmanship of the Jeff Kenna League Fantasy Football League in 2007 after co-founded the league in London in August 2005.