Kenna HQ under fire for ‘ambush cup draw’

Ambush marketing

A football manager’s wife has accused Kenna HQ of hijacking her birthday party with a cup draw.

As friends and family of the Judean Peoples’ Front manager’s better half gathered in The Roebuck, Borough, to celebrate her 30th natal day, the Kenna chairman was found to be making the group draw of this season’s Narcozep Cup in between complimentary glasses of prosecco and cursory raids on the finger buffet.

Mrs B could not contain her outrage on the night and stood on a chair to descry the league apparatus to stunned onlookers.

“Wat die hel doen jy, domkops? It’s supposed to be a special day for me, but you’ve ruined the whole evening with your second-rate cup contest.

“Sit jou kop in die koei se kont en wag tot die bul jou kom holnaai!” she raged at the chairman in a curious mixture of English and Afrikaans.

The managers of Lokomotiv Leeds, Hairy Fadjeetas and league leaders Young Boys were also caught up in the tirade.

Newlywed the Judean Peoples’ Front manager put in a typically slopey-shouldered display when it mattered most. He was outside having a cigarette and rejoicing in Welsh rugby.

Managers present were quick to jump to the defence of their chairman…

The chairman defended his decision to hold what the media has come to term an ‘ambush cup draw’.

“I can’t see what the problem is really. I’m here perfectly legitimately. I got a ticket from Robbie Earle,” he shrugged.

Backers Narcozep have taken a dim view of the incident, and are threatening to pull sponsorship.

For the first time, this season’s draw contains a dummy team – Real Fuck Up. The side will be made up of unsigned players and make up the numbers in group A.

Points rather than goals will decide fixtures in this year’s cup contest.

Narcozep Cup – group stage draw

Narcozep Cup group draw 2015
Narcozep Cup group draw 2015

Kenna League table – week 9

Kenna table week 9 - 20 October 2015
Kenna table week 9 – 20 October 2015

Weekly scores

Manager Points Goals
1 Cowley Casuals Stu 47 2
2 Northern Monkeys Hugo 42 4
3 Judean People’s Front Sholto 42 1
4 Newington Reds Ben D 41 1
5 Bala Rinas Lewis 40 2
6 Hairy Fadjeetas Aiden 38 4
7 Young Boys Andrew D 38 0
8 Headless Chickens John N 37 2
9 Lokomotiv Leeds Ben S 36 0
10 FC Tescticuladew James N 34 3
11 Carles Carles 31 1
12 Wandsworth Network Solutions Will 29 1
13 Thieving Magpies Phil 25 0
14 Dynamo Charlton Alex 24 1
15 Uncertain Pete B 22 1
16 ISIL Abdi 21 0
17 Pikey Scum Jack 17 1
18 Team Panda George 16 1
19 KS West Green Stix 13 0
Points Player
Player of the week 22 Wijnaldum, G – NEW – MID
Club Northern Monkeys
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Author: The chairman

Ascended to the chairmanship of the Jeff Kenna League Fantasy Football League in 2007 after co-founded the league in London in August 2005.