A football manager’s wife has accused Kenna HQ of hijacking her birthday party with a cup draw.
As friends and family of the Judean Peoples’ Front manager’s better half gathered in The Roebuck, Borough, to celebrate her 30th natal day, the Kenna chairman was found to be making the group draw of this season’s Narcozep Cup in between complimentary glasses of prosecco and cursory raids on the finger buffet.
Mrs B could not contain her outrage on the night and stood on a chair to descry the league apparatus to stunned onlookers.
“Wat die hel doen jy, domkops? It’s supposed to be a special day for me, but you’ve ruined the whole evening with your second-rate cup contest.
“Sit jou kop in die koei se kont en wag tot die bul jou kom holnaai!” she raged at the chairman in a curious mixture of English and Afrikaans.
The managers of Lokomotiv Leeds, Hairy Fadjeetas and league leaders Young Boys were also caught up in the tirade.
Newlywed the Judean Peoples’ Front manager put in a typically slopey-shouldered display when it mattered most. He was outside having a cigarette and rejoicing in Welsh rugby.
Managers present were quick to jump to the defence of their chairman…
@jeffkennaleague #twat pic.twitter.com/aZVYKrfV62
— Andrew Denney (@andenney) October 16, 2015
The chairman defended his decision to hold what the media has come to term an ‘ambush cup draw’.
“I can’t see what the problem is really. I’m here perfectly legitimately. I got a ticket from Robbie Earle,” he shrugged.
Backers Narcozep have taken a dim view of the incident, and are threatening to pull sponsorship.
For the first time, this season’s draw contains a dummy team – Real Fuck Up. The side will be made up of unsigned players and make up the numbers in group A.
Points rather than goals will decide fixtures in this year’s cup contest.
Narcozep Cup – group stage draw
Kenna League table – week 9
Weekly scores
| Manager | Points | Goals | ||
| 1 | Cowley Casuals | Stu | 47 | 2 |
| 2 | Northern Monkeys | Hugo | 42 | 4 |
| 3 | Judean People’s Front | Sholto | 42 | 1 |
| 4 | Newington Reds | Ben D | 41 | 1 |
| 5 | Bala Rinas | Lewis | 40 | 2 |
| 6 | Hairy Fadjeetas | Aiden | 38 | 4 |
| 7 | Young Boys | Andrew D | 38 | 0 |
| 8 | Headless Chickens | John N | 37 | 2 |
| 9 | Lokomotiv Leeds | Ben S | 36 | 0 |
| 10 | FC Tescticuladew | James N | 34 | 3 |
| 11 | Carles | Carles | 31 | 1 |
| 12 | Wandsworth Network Solutions | Will | 29 | 1 |
| 13 | Thieving Magpies | Phil | 25 | 0 |
| 14 | Dynamo Charlton | Alex | 24 | 1 |
| 15 | Uncertain | Pete B | 22 | 1 |
| 16 | ISIL | Abdi | 21 | 0 |
| 17 | Pikey Scum | Jack | 17 | 1 |
| 18 | Team Panda | George | 16 | 1 |
| 19 | KS West Green | Stix | 13 | 0 |
| Points | Player | |||
| Player of the week | 22 | Wijnaldum, G – NEW – MID | ||
| Club | Northern Monkeys |
