Real Threat levels cup field

Stan Smith threat level

PREPARATIONS for this weekend’s first round of Narcozep Cup fixtures will be under extra pressure with the introduction of Real Threat.

Made up of the best unsigned players, Real Threat was introduced this season to make up numbers in the cup group draw.

With names like Jonny Howson, Philipp Wollschied and Chancel Mbemba, it’s hard to imagine any manager signing the Real Threat XI in the August auction without being ridiculed for lack of ambition.

Yet a points tally that would put them third in the table means the side are literally a Real Threat, particularly since this year’s cup will be measured on points scored in a week rather than goals.

Scraping up an average of around 20 points a week, Hairy Fadjeetas go into the Narcozep Cup group A curtain raiser this weekend as firm underdogs against the newcomers, who would average more than 30.

More managers will be concerned. Only Young Boys outscore Real Threat in group A, and just two qualification places are available.

All of which means Cowley Casuals or Dynamo Charlton could find themselves up against former players – their ‘rejects’ even – in a semi final showdown should Real Threat progress.

Most of all Kenna HQ concern levels could rise dramatically. If Real Threat go on to win the cup the managerial fallout will be apocalyptic.

“I’m not concerned,” said the chairman, eying his cocktail cabinet pensively before breakfast. “If Real Threat do somehow qualify, and admittedly it looks likely considering the opposition in group A, the team will be disbanded ahead of the second transfer window in early February and picked again after that.

“I’m sure after the second window managers will have signed all the best players ‘from the pot’. The managerial quality and foresight in the Kenna is….ah.”

Real Threat

Wayne Hennessey – Crystal Palace goalkeeper – 24 points
Gareth McAuley – West Brom defender – 41 points
Philipp Wollschied – Stoke defender – 31 points
Sebastian Prodl – Watford defender – 27 points
Chancel Mbemba – Newcastle defender – 25 points
Manuel Lanzini – West Ham midfielder – 38 points
Jonny Howson – Norwich midfielder – 37 points
Gerard Deulofeu – Everton midfielder – 37 points (formerly of Cowley Casuals)
Steven Davis – Southampton midfielder – 31 points
Jermaine Defoe – Sunderland striker – 34 points (formerly of Dynamo Charlton)
Wilfred Bony – Manchester City – 32 points (formerly of Cowley Casuals)

Total points: 366

Narcozep Cup fixtures – this weekend

Group A
Just Put Carles v Pikey Scum
Real Threat v Hairy Fadjeetas
Young Boys, rest week
Group B
Headless Chickens v Uncertain
KS West Green v FCT
Walthamstow Reds, rest week
Group C
Dynamo v Panda
ISILv Bala Rinas
Lokomotiv, rest week
Group D
Cowley Casuals v Northern Monkeys
Thieving Magpies v Wandsworth Network Solutions
Judean Peoples’ Front, rest week

Narcozep Cup – knockout stage

QF1: A1 v B2
QF2: A2 v B1
QF3: C1 v D2
QF4: D1 v C2
SF1: QF1 v QF3
SF2: QF2 v QF4

Kenna table – week 12

Kenna table week 12 - 10 November 2015
Kenna table week 12 – 10 November 2015

Weekly scores

Manager Points Goals
1 Thieving Magpies Phil 38 1
2 Newington Reds Ben D 29 1
3 Hairy Fadjeetas Aiden 29 1
4 Dynamo Charlton Alex 29 0
5 Team Panda George 28 1
6 Headless Chickens John N 28 0
7 Young Boys Andrew D 27 1
8 Wandsworth Network Solutions Will 26 2
9 Northern Monkeys Hugo 25 1
10 FC Tescticuladew James N 25 1
11 Lokomotiv Leeds Ben S 23 0
12 KS West Green Stix 23 0
13 Bala Rinas Lewis 22 0
14 ISIL Abdi 21 1
15 Carles Carles 21 1
16 Judean People’s Front Sholto 19 0
17 Uncertain Pete B 19 0
18 Pikey Scum Jack 18 0
19 Cowley Casuals Stu 17 0
Points Player
Player of the week 9 Bertrand, R – SOT – DEF
Club KS West Green
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Author: The chairman

Ascended to the chairmanship of the Jeff Kenna League Fantasy Football League in 2007 after co-founded the league in London in August 2005.