HE stared out of the window from his desk for some time.
It was hard not to be downcast. The season was drifting once again.
It was another disaster. He had little doubt about that as he looked over the training pitches at The Coop. And the seeds of failure had surely been sown in August.
Diego Costa. Diego fucking Costa. Fifty fucking million. That was supposed to buy goals, buy points. Instead the most exciting thing he got was a pink bib thrown in his general direction. He should have known. Never trust a man who can grow a beard during the course of a game.
Although at least Costa got a game. His other marquee signing had spent most of season on the sidelines. Vincent Kompany had only played three times since 1 September. With luck like this it was easy to see how his side were hanging above the relegation zone.
Was it luck? The more he pondered the clearer his own shortcomings in London pub-based fantasy football became. The highest ever finish he’d ever managed was ninth. All the rest had been in the teens it looked like going that way again unless he could make serious moves in the February transfer window.
The transfer window! Releasing Ronaldo (he cursed himself again. Ronaldo!) in favour of Cameron Jerome had been the one positive move he’d made this campaign. If you could call one goal in eight weeks positive.
Apart from Jerome the window hadn’t offered up any opportunities. Or was it his own tactical shortsightedness? He was sure there was something in his back four that needed attention, but he could never quite put his finger on it.
His reverie was interrupted by his secretary coming in with the post. He mumbled thanks and as she left the room idly riffled through the usual bumph of bills and death threats.
A postcard of the Santiago Bernabeu stadium stuck out. He’d been receiving one of these once a week since the start of the season. He sighed and turned it over.
‘TOSSER’ was written on the back. He fought back a tear and put it in the bottom drawer of his desk with the others.
One day he would get his hands on this prankster who called himself ‘Sergio Ramos‘.
Narcozep Cup fixtures
Just Put Carles v Young Boys
Pikey Scum v Hairy Fadjeetas
Uncertain v Walthamstow Reds
Headless Chickens v FC Testiculadew
Dynamo Charlton v Lokomotiv Leeds
Team Panda v Bala Rinas
Cowley Casuals v Judean Peoples’ Front
Northern Monkeys v Wandsworth Network Solutions
Kenna table – week 14
Full scores and tables available from The Rub.
Weekly scores
| Manager | Points | Goals | ||
| 1 | Judean People’s Front | Sholto | 38 | 2 |
| 2 | Carles | Carles | 32 | 1 |
| 3 | Wandsworth Network Solutions | Will | 31 | 1 |
| 4 | Newington Reds | Ben D | 31 | 1 |
| 5 | Thieving Magpies | Phil | 30 | 2 |
| 6 | Team Panda | George | 29 | 2 |
| 7 | KS West Green | Stix | 27 | 0 |
| 8 | Hairy Fadjeetas | Aiden | 26 | 1 |
| 9 | Dynamo Charlton | Alex | 23 | 2 |
| 10 | Lokomotiv Leeds | Ben S | 23 | 1 |
| 11 | Northern Monkeys | Hugo | 23 | 1 |
| 12 | Pikey Scum | Jack | 22 | 1 |
| 13 | Young Boys | Andrew D | 20 | 1 |
| 14 | FC Tescticuladew | James N | 18 | 0 |
| 15 | Bala Rinas | Lewis | 16 | 0 |
| 16 | Cowley Casuals | Stu | 16 | 0 |
| 17 | Headless Chickens | John N | 15 | 0 |
| 18 | ISIL | Abdi | 13 | 0 |
| 19 | Uncertain | Pete B | 5 | 0 |
| Points | Player | |||
| Player of the week | 13 | de Bruyne, K – MCY – MID | ||
| Club | Lokomotiv Leeds |
