Captain Morgan magic mocks myopic managers

Captain Morgan (captainsbirthday)

EYEBROWS were raised at Kenna HQ today when it emerged unsigned defender Wes Morgan put in the performance of the week.

Surely someone’s already bought him, double-taked chalk stripes in the speculations department? It turns out they haven’t.

No matter what your predictions of Leicester City’s chances back in the August auction, the club captain who made 40 appearances last season would surely be a good bargain basement punt.

But while Mahrez, Schlupp, Schmeichel, Ulloa, Huth and Fuchs were all Foxes to be snapped up, managers deemed the Jamaican – who made five appearances on loan at Kidderminster Harriers in 2002 – surplus to requirements. More of Vardy’s omission later.

This week Morgan brought his points total to a rum 58. That’s a little more than three points a week. As research proved a couple of years ago, if all eleven players in a team scored three points a week, that manager would go on to win the Kenna.

Which begs the question: given chances in both August and October to buy such a solid player as Wes Morgan, which managers passed them both up?

The most glaring answer is the Headless Chickens manager, whose decision to buy Sergio Ramos before the season only to stick with them at the window has already been the subject of ridicule.

Others ruefully looking at their auction back four include the managers of ‘Pies (Kyle Naughton, 19 points all season), Panda (Steven Caulker, 11 points), Bala Rinas (Jolean Lescott, 7) and the FC Testiculadew manager (Gael Clichy, 2).

Come the transfer window in October managers were so busy gazing at Jamie Vardy’s £31m signing by Hairy Fadjeetas, Morgan slipped through the net. Big mistake.

The Lokomotiv Leeds manager released Christian Fuchs in favour of Allan Nyom. Fuchs had only scored two points in as many months, but since the window has scored 4.5 points a week. Nyom is averaging 3.75.

But what got the chalk stripes really howling today was the curious decision making of the Northern Monkeys manager.

Firstly, Per Mertesacker had only scored four points by the window, so selling him to Hairy Fadjeetas for £0.5m to fund Russell Martin’s signature seemed like good business.

Form is fickle. The German has been marching along at 3.4 points a week for Fadges. Martin has only scored at 1.4 since October.

Secondly, the Northern Monkeys manager’s wisdom dictated in the wake of scoring an own goal Kasper Schmeichel be released in favour of Boaz Myhill.

Since moving to Walthamstow Reds for £0.5m, Schmeichel (3.6) has been scoring a full point a week more than Monkey’s new goalkeeper (2.6).

And Monkeys paid £9m for Myhill!


Narcozep Cup – fixtures

Just Put Carles v Hairy Fadjeetas
Young Boys v Real Threat
Uncertain v FC Testiculadew
Newington Reds v KS West Green
Dynamo Charlton v Bala Rinas
Lokomotiv Leeds v ISIL
Cowley Casuals v Wandsworth Network Solutions
Judean Peoples’ Front v Thieving Magpies

Kenna table – week 19

Kenna table week 19 - 5 January 2016
Kenna table week 19 – 5 January 2016

Weekly scores

Manager Points Goals
1 KS West Green Stix 43 2
2 Dynamo Charlton Alex 41 2
3 Newington Reds Ben D 41 1
4 Wandsworth Network Solutions Will 39 1
5 Carles Carles 36 1
6 Team Panda George 33 1
7 FC Tescticuladew James N 32 0
8 Thieving Magpies Phil 32 0
9 Headless Chickens John N 29 1
10 Hairy Fadjeetas Aiden 29 0
11 Pikey Scum Jack 28 2
12 Uncertain Pete B 27 1
13 Cowley Casuals Stu 27 0
14 Judean People’s Front Sholto 26 1
15 Lokomotiv Leeds Ben S 23 1
16 Young Boys Andrew D 22 0
17 Northern Monkeys Hugo 20 0
18 ISIL Abdi 19 0
19 Bala Rinas Lewis 18 0
Points Player
Player of the week 14 Morgan, W – LEI – DEF
Club Unsigned
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Author: The chairman

Ascended to the chairmanship of the Jeff Kenna League Fantasy Football League in 2007 after co-founded the league in London in August 2005.