Eight players to shape the Kenna transfer window

Andros Townsend

NEXT Friday heralds the Kenna League’s second and last transfer window of the season.

A typically scratchy affair, without a host of available players, a handful of footballers will command eye-watering sums of Kenna club war chests for showing even the briefest hint of form.

Here are eight of the most likely candidates.

1. Charlie Austin, Southampton striker

Despite rumours he spends more time in pubs than the Kenna chairman, Austin has not only managed to get into league but also scored a goal on the weekend. Albeit completely unmarked against an opposition defence struggling for form and consistency, bids will be readied from all corners of the Kenna management. Except, that is, for the Walthamstow Reds boss, who bought Austin on the basis of tittle tattle in August only to release him again at the October window when a move didn’t materialise. Kenna regulations prevent the Reds manager buying back Austin this season, so he’ll be a spectator while others court the striker.

2. Jermian Defoe, Sunderland striker

Given the choice of releasing Defoe for the promise of Anthony Martial in early October, many would have followed the path of the cash-rich Dynamo Charlton manager. Sadly for the south London outfit the Frenchman’s form has evaporated while Kenna veteran Defoe has scored five goals in the last five games.

3. Delle Ali, Tottenham midfielder

A sumptuous strike on the Saturday, and week-in-week-out appearances of guile and creativity would make one think this midfielder was a household name.  Ali’s now scored more points this season than Eric Lamela, Nacer Chadli and Moussa Dembele. Will Tottenham midfielders flood the market to make way next Friday?

4. Adam Johnson, Sunderland midfielder

Eager to disassociate himself from the consequences of inappropriately touching a schoolgirl, the Wandsworth Network Solutions manager handed Adam Johnson his P45 at the October window to the sound of terrace speculation about the nature and geography of his alleged offences. Since then the winger has gone on provide nine assists and occupy a central midfield creative role. Are any Kenna managers desperate enough to sign Johnson just five days before his appointed trial date? Yes. Yes, they are.

5. Claude Makalele

Of course, the diminutive Frenchman no longer patrols the outskirts of Kenna auctions, but his patented role certainly does. The likes of Southampton’s Steven Davis, Sunderland’s Yann M’Vila, Norwich’s Jonny Howson and Aston Villa’s Idrissa Gueye don’t create many chances, let alone score, but they have all made at least 20 full appearances this season. While not appealing to the hope of flair on a balmy August afternoon, on a cold night February these players are the chance to fill those non-scoring gaps a manager’s midfield.

6. Wes Morgan

A defender and club captain who has started almost every game and whose side are top of the Premier League. A Kenna manager must have snaffled Morgan already.

7. Enner Valencia

This compact Ecuadorian burst into Kenna consciousness in the 2014 Emerson World Cup with his explosive and direct displays for his country. He was having a stop-start sort of season but has come alive to score four goals in the last two games. Anyone in the Young Boys manager’s technical area would surely be considering the release of Diafra Sakho to make way.

8. Andros Townsend

No, not really. This is just in here as a joke. The last time someone signed ‘Dros’ Townsend in the February window they forfeit a debut Kenna League title. Literally.

Kenna table – week 22

Kenna table week 22 - 26 January 2016
Kenna table week 22 – 26 January 2016

Weekly scores

Manager Points Goals
1 Wandsworth Network Solutions Will 58 2
2 Hairy Fadjeetas Aiden 57 4
3 Pikey Scum Jack 48 4
4 Cowley Casuals Stu 44 2
5 Young Boys Andrew D 35 0
6 KS West Green Stix 34 3
7 Team Panda George 34 1
8 Carles Carles 31 2
9 Dynamo Charlton Alex 28 0
10 Northern Monkeys Hugo 28 0
11 Headless Chickens John N 27 2
12 Uncertain Pete B 27 1
13 ISIL Abdi 26 0
14 Bala Rinas Lewis 25 1
15 Lokomotiv Leeds Ben S 23 1
16 FC Tescticuladew James N 21 0
17 Newington Reds Ben D 18 0
18 Judean People’s Front Sholto 16 0
19 Thieving Magpies Phil 13 0
Points Player
Player of the week 17 Dawson, C – WBA – DEF
Club Young Boys
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Author: The chairman

Ascended to the chairmanship of the Jeff Kenna League Fantasy Football League in 2007 after co-founded the league in London in August 2005.