The Green Man, Fitzrovia

Green Man, Riding House Street (credit: Kake on Flickr)

THE Green Man is a fabulous cider pub just a short walk from Oxford Circus.

On Friday evening it was peopled mainly by local office workers, with tourists cheerfully beyond the ken of the pub’s tucked-away location.

Many tipplers were huddled smoking outside on the pavement, despite the inclement February weather of Storm Frank, Godfrey, Henrietta, Ivanhoe or whatever the Met Office have begun overzealously renaming the same kind of wind and rain each week.

Inside the bar faces the front door and large windows. A high ceiling provides patrons with plenty of headroom to enjoy the multitude of beers and ciders. The Veltins and the Thatchers Old Rascal were delightful.

For a Kenna transfer window it was cramped. Managerial grumbles were heard of the pub’s unsuitable aspect on more than several occasions.

Against this dissent the show went on, as the league packed around a high corner table to make themselves heard over the din of ad agency creatives who regularly take deliveries on late Friday afternoons.

Business was conducted swiftly and with the minimum of fuss. In fact, it was so Bramble free an emergency meeting was convened immediately afterwards between the chairman, vice chairman and whoever else happened to be waiting for bar service nearby at the time.

The chairman summed up Kenna HQ’s dilemma at a press conference this morning.

“The simple fact is: managers aren’t drinking enough,” he said upon showing a deadly Periscope video replay of a bunch of managers crowded around a small table full of pint glasses carefully studying lists of available players.

“We need to introduce some sort of spirits imbibing system into league meetings. No one’s Brambling, no one’s resigning in anger halfway through auctions and no one’s almost coming to blows over whether a contravention of made-up, fantasy-football-league regulation minutiae constitutes a breach of gentlemanly conduct,” said the chairman in reference to the acrimonious 2012 Emmanuel Olisadebe Euros auction.

“Four years ago we had a shot of tequila midway through the Euros auction and look what happened. When it comes to the [2016 Jean-Alain] Boumsong auction in June managers should prepare themselves for carnage.”

An increase in entry fees to cover rounds of moody top-shelf spirits is among rumours to be on the drawing board.

The chairman was heard to say after the press conference that plans a manager would drink a shot for every player bought would ‘be the next vanishing spray’.

Kenna table – week 24

Kenna table week 24 - 9 February 2016
Kenna table week 24 – 9 February 2016

Weekly scores

Manager Points Goals
1 Young Boys Andrew D 83 2
2 Pikey Scum Jack 82 3
3 Wandsworth Network Solutions Will 75 1
4 Thieving Magpies Phil 68 3
5 Judean People’s Front Sholto 67 4
6 KS West Green Stix 64 2
7 Headless Chickens John N 60 2
8 Dynamo Charlton Alex 60 1
9 Newington Reds Ben D 55 2
10 Team Panda George 55 2
11 Carles Carles 54 3
12 Northern Monkeys Hugo 52 1
13 Cowley Casuals Stu 52 1
14 Hairy Fadjeetas Aiden 48 2
15 Bala Rinas Lewis 48 0
16 ISIL Abdi 47 1
17 Uncertain Pete B 44 3
18 FC Tescticuladew James N 40 0
19 Lokomotiv Leeds Ben S 30 0
Points Player
Player of the week 19 Huth, R – LEI – DEF
Club Uncertain
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Author: The chairman

Ascended to the chairmanship of the Jeff Kenna League Fantasy Football League in 2007 after co-founded the league in London in August 2005.