Transfer window death threats – five of the best

Judean Peoples' Front death threat

KENNA managers were set the task of releasing players for tomorrow’s second transfer window in the form a death threat to the chairman.

Just fewer than half the league responded to the challenge, with varying degrees of creativity and menace.

No one went so far as to nail the cat to the door of Kenna HQ or send a funeral wreath, which for any fantasy football league chairman is always a bonus.

The top five death threats are below, as well as this week’s table (not including Tuesday’s and Wednesday’s games).

For the first time, the transfer window will be broadcast live from The Green Man on the borders of Fitzrovia and Marylebone using Periscope. Absent managers can bid at

Regardless of whether they’ve released players or not, Kenna managers can still play one wildcard when the window is open between 7pm and 10pm tomorrow night.

A full list of available players and managers’ remaining budgets will be published at Friday lunchtime.

5. The Lokomotiv Leeds manager

Lokomotiv Leeds death threat
Threat level: 4/10

The Lokomotiv Leeds manager was the first to admit this was less of a death threat and more a reminder even the chairman’s side could come unstuck by scandal. However, still very amusing although there’s a greater threat Funky Pigeon has reported the LL boss to the authorities.

4. The FC Testiculadew manager

FC Testiculadew death threat
Threat level: 4/10

One of many classic lines from that Alan Partridge sex swap episode. The release graphic was a highlight, but the close is far too polite, softening the sinister connotations of the kiss at the end.

3. The Walthamstow Reds manager

Walthamstow Reds death threat
Threat level: 6/10

The Reds boss has gone to the trouble of creating an innovative word puzzle death threat which contains an actual threat on the chairman’s life, while simultaneously appealing to his penchant for crosswords. Marks taken off for using a space for a hyphen. Not great crossword etiquette.

2. The Judean Peoples’ Front manager

Judean Peoples' Front death threat

A jump in death threat class to a message with proper intent and intimidation. It’s a blurry image, but it doesn’t take much imagination to decipher the Anders Breivik lookalike’s promise to rain down judgement not just on the chairman but the whole league. He also takes time to single out the Young Boys manager, a definite plus. The coffee ring shows this has been on display at Kenna HQ all week.

1. The Young Boys manager

Young Boys death threat
Threat level: 9/10

Personal and chilling. The Young Boys manager has taken time to rifle through the chairman’s social media profiles to dig out the aftermath of Cambodian tuk tuk misadventure. Insinuates the YB boss was somehow behind the 2007 road traffic accident while threatening further harm. Inside is a clear threat to take over the league.

Kenna table – week 23

Kenna table week 23 - 2 February 2016
Kenna table week 23 – 2 February 2016

Weekly scores

Manager Points Goals
1 Hairy Fadjeetas Aiden 41 5
2 FC Tescticuladew James N 33 0
3 KS West Green Stix 31 3
4 Carles Carles 29 2
5 Uncertain Pete B 26 4
6 Wandsworth Network Solutions Will 25 1
7 Pikey Scum Jack 22 1
8 Northern Monkeys Hugo 22 1
9 Thieving Magpies Phil 21 1
10 Dynamo Charlton Alex 18 1
11 Team Panda George 18 0
12 Lokomotiv Leeds Ben S 16 0
13 ISIL Abdi 16 0
14 Headless Chickens John N 15 0
15 Bala Rinas Lewis 14 1
16 Young Boys Andrew D 14 0
17 Judean People’s Front Sholto 11 1
18 Newington Reds Ben D 9 0
19 Cowley Casuals Stu 3 0
Points Player
Player of the week 20 Iheanacho, K – MCY – STR
Club Uncertain


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Author: The chairman

Ascended to the chairmanship of the Jeff Kenna League Fantasy Football League in 2007 after co-founded the league in London in August 2005.