THE manager of Real Brexit has claimed the Liverpool Echo is responsible for his humiliating performance in the Jean-Alain Boumsong Euros.
A ‘Moneyball’ guide to fantasy football at the Euros – suggesting less-fashionable players who could perform well in the tournament – was used by the Real Brexit manager to pick his team at the Boumsong auction on 12 June.
After the quarter final stage of the competition, the only team keeping Real Brexit from the bottom of the Boumsong table is Le Fadge Qui Rit (Balkan Fadge). The latter’s manager didn’t turn up to the auction and his side was automatically generated from leftover players.
“In good faith I followed the Liverpool Echo’s guide to the letter and it’s been my downfall,” said the manager who signed Romanian goalkeeper Ciprian Tatarusanu, Turkish midfielder Selcuk Inan and Northern Irish striker Kyle Lafferty all based on the guide’s advice.
The Liverpool Echo has distanced itself from Real Brexit’s plight.
Moneyball article author Paul Philbin said: “We clearly stated ‘using this philosophy won’t mean that the tournamnet’s star players will fill your side, but there is room for some.’ Where’s his Griezemann? Where’s his Bale?”
Real Brexit’s top performing players so far are Swiss defender Ricardo Rodriguez with 26 points and Gylfi Sigurdsson (23).
The manager is now trying to negotiate a reduction in Boumsong entry fees due to the result of the EU referendum.
In an email to unamused bailiffs from Boumsong headquarters, the manager said:
“These post-Brexit times are full of economic uncertainty, perhaps we could negotiate some short of rebate? Otherwise I may have to threaten to spend it on the NHS.
“Also have you investigated last year’s Kenna to see if the Spaniards were receiving a state subsidy? It’s surely the only explanation for my otherwise inexplicable relegation [from the domestic Kenna League in May].”
At the other end of the Boumsong, World Champions FC Testiculadewland eased into first place.
Manuel Neuer (40) and Antoine Griezemann (35) have led performances at FCT, assisted by Łukasz Piszczek (20) and Romelu Lukaku (20).
“It was only a matter of time before this happened,” said the rest of the league in unison reaching for the gin.
Boumsong table – 4 July 2016
For full scores and tables visit The Rub.