Tactical Brambler adds to bulging cabinet

WORLD champions FC Testiculadewland added to their already bulging trophy cabinet on Sunday with success in the 2016 Jean-Alain Boumsong Euros.

Antoine Griezemann was wasteful in front of goal, but two appearance points was enough to defend the 12-point gap over Two Goals One Cup going into the final.

“Fools!” said the FCT manager famed for his ‘Tactical Brambling‘ stunt in the last Euros, “You think you can beat me? I am the dark lord of the fantasy football. Your shrivelled tactical knowledge and inability to spot an auction bargain have been your undoing yet again.

“Look at my bulging trophy cabinet. Look at it hard! Now touch it…No, further down…”

The Boumsong trophy joins the Dr Khumalo 2014 World Cup title and two domestic Kenna League championships on the manager’s groaning shelf.

Other Boumsong managers were only too happy to reflect widespread comments this was a tournament low on quality, as exemplified by Real Brexit.

“It hasn’t been a memorable tournament,” ruminated the chairman, who watched an alcohol and tear gas-soaked match in Marseille and saw his side Napoleon Dynarod end up midtable.

“But we have made one learning of absolute importance: even with two organised shots of moody spirit during the auction we only got two Brambles.”

Managers looking to next month’s Kenna auction have been forewarned.

Boumsong – final table

Full scores available from The Rub.

Boumsong - final table
Boumsong – final table

Boumsong team of the tournament – Bramble Rules (nationality)

Only one player per country is allowed. Bonucci and Schar are preferred in defence to Chiellini and Rodriguez since they offer better value.

Neuer, FCT, 41, £16m, Germany

Glik, Up Yours Delors, 34, £5m, Poland
Bonucci, Democratic Republic of Young Boys, 30, £15m, Italy
Schar, Barco FC, 26, £2m, Switzerland

Nani, Up Yours Delors, 43, £13m, Portugal
Bale, Two Goals One Cup, 32, £19m, Wales
Hazard, Sporting Lesbian, 27, £29m, Belgium
Perisic, Two Goals One Cup, 20, £15m, Croatia

Griezemann, FCT, 49, £19m, France
Morata, I Can Be Your Euro Baby, 23, £20m, Spain
Sigthorsson, Sporting Lesbian, 19, £0.5m, Iceland

Total points: 344

Total value: £153.5


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Author: The chairman

Ascended to the chairmanship of the Jeff Kenna League Fantasy Football League in 2007 after co-founded the league in London in August 2005.