Burkinis v budgie smugglers

Speedos sign

Small-town officials from the French Riviera are protesting outside Kenna HQ in a bid to get title hopefuls Burkini Pool Party removed from the competition.

More than 20 French mayors in Speedos have created a fake beach outside Jeff House and are playing petanque and the pointless bat and ball game until the Kenna League team is disqualified or has their name changed to Budgie Smuggler Pool Party.

“Every contour of the testicles or camel toe should be observed at all times either at the beach or by the pool. These Burkinis are unhygienic and morally inappropriate,” raged the mayor of Cannes David Lisnard as parents passing by shielded their children’s eyes from the sight of his skimpy swimwear.

The debate was sparked when a Burkini Pool Party pre-season friendly against Nice earlier this month was interrupted by armed French police.

Surrounded, the BPP first eleven were forced to strip to their underwear at gunpoint.

Back in England for the start of the football season the issue was thought to be forgotten, until an angry mob of 300 French people marched on the side’s Deep End training facility.

Chants of ‘Vive le budgie!’ and ‘Hell, no, we want toe!’ were only silenced when the police deployed tear gas.

This week’s protest looks set to continue for the foreseeable future. Police threats to send in water canon only heightened fears more French people in tiny trunks would join the demonstration.

Interviewed outside the club’s Koran Koran stadium today, the Burqini Pool Party manager was puzzling over pedantry.

“Personally, I don’t see why the Kenna is spelling Burqini Pool Party with a ‘q’ rather than a ‘k’ like everyone else.”

The manager, who was relegated at the helm of Hairy Fadjeetas last season, is hoping to improve on his string of mid-to-lower-table finishes.

The side are in 12th position going into the international break.

Kenna table – week 3

Full scores available from The Rub.

Kenna table - 30 August 2016 - week 3
Kenna table – 30 August 2016 – week 3



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Author: The chairman

Ascended to the chairmanship of the Jeff Kenna League Fantasy Football League in 2007 after co-founded the league in London in August 2005.