Pirate in unchartered waters

Costa Concordia

ISLINGTON Sports Islam & Leisure are riding the crest of a wave having gone top of the Kenna League in the second week of the season.

Goals from Diego Costa and Gareth McAuley, and clean sheets from four of the side’s back five see ISIL two points above the nearest challengers.

Should the Pirates carry their form into this weekend the boss could collect the campaign’s first manager of the month award, but there are fears this is virgin territory for a team more used to the relegation zone.

“Yarrrrr! This be where I be at my finest,” reassured the Somali during this afternoon’s press conference at the club’s Spyglass Hill training facility.

“The hands of Neptune stroking my hull, my vessel getting battered all over, a sea monster with the fire of hell in its eyes: I survived Tinder dates worse then ye could ever countenance. The Kenna be a duck pond compared.

“I be going by the seat of me pants and riding out the storm as I do usual,” he said, drawing concerned looks from the club’s executive hierarchy.

Two-times league winners FC Testiculadew are close in second despite having Titus Bramble forfeit player – and convicted paedophile – Stuart Hall in midfield.

Asked how his side remained so competitive with 10 men, the manager’s response was absolute.

“We have Zlatan.”

Kenna table – week 2

Full scores available from The Rub.

Kenna table week 2 - 23Aug16
Kenna table week 2 – 23Aug16
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Author: The chairman

Ascended to the chairmanship of the Jeff Kenna League Fantasy Football League in 2007 after co-founded the league in London in August 2005.