ISIL manager swaps blunder for plunder


WORRIED Kenna managers are expressing disbelief over the continued dominance of Islington Sports Islam & Leisure in the league this season.

Eight weeks in and the ISIL boss maintains a healthy gap over the chasing pack, set to claim his third Manager of the Month award in a row.

Head-scratching opponents are at a loss as to how to catch a side with in-form Diego Costa (£27m), Laurent Koscielny (£16m), Nathan Redmond (£13m) and Kelechi Iheanacho (£7m).

They are even more perplexed the ISIL manager is yet to muff it up.

“It’s an utter mystery,” said every Kenna League manager who’s ever met the Somali in the competitive fantasy football arena. “I thought in the first couple of weeks he was just jammy and he would soon slip up, but ISIL are still top.

“At the transfer window this month he made no changes. No changes! He was on pints of haram too. This is most unprecedented.”

Stories of the Somali’s auction and transfer window gaffes are in abundance.

His shock resignation halfway through the 2012 Emmanuel Olisadebe Euros auction after Brambling three times in a row remains one of the lowest points of gentlemanly conduct since the Kenna was established in 2005.

In February last year, the Somali’s transfer window tactics were so wild he ended the night with two disgraced Rotherham councillors in his ranks.

In a press conference this morning at the club’s Spyglass Hill training facility, the ISIL manager lifted the lid on his approach.

“Dominance in ye Kenna be like dominance in ye Levant or dominance in ye Indian Ocean. It be about extremism, plunder and not letting ye parents find out you’ve eaten pork scratchings during Ramadan.”

Kenna table week 9

Full scores available from The Rub.

Kenna table week 9 - 25 October 2016
Kenna table week 9 – 25 October 2016
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Author: The chairman

Ascended to the chairmanship of the Jeff Kenna League Fantasy Football League in 2007 after co-founded the league in London in August 2005.