All-male fantasy football managers ‘grope’ their way through transfer night

PRESSURE groups are calling for a London fantasy football league to be discontinued because the all-male managers ‘grope’ their way through boozy evenings in the pub.

The shocking allegations were revealed in an undercover sting by a Financial Times journalist who infiltrated the Kenna League auction in August last year.

‘This secretive and alcohol-fuelled group of men make out they’re football experts but in reality they’re just groping their way through the evening,’ said the reporter.

‘In one instance at the August auction I witnessed a manager buy Diego Costa at auction at least a week after the striker had moved to Atletico Madrid.

‘The manager was quite clearly fingering his way around in the dark but the rest of the league, all men, either because they were drunk or wanted the manager to fail, or both probably, waited until the hammer came down and then burst out laughing.

‘It was a disgusting.’

Grainy footage at the auction showed how one manager became so drunk he bought a second Chelsea player and lost Alvaro Morata under the Titus Bramble ruling.

‘He stalked off and played with his phone for a bit while everyone else jeered like animals.’

Following the reports, lobby groups are campaigning for this Friday’s Kenna transfer window to be called off.

‘Think of all the members who’ll be fondled and molested by these reckless and unrepentant Kenna managers drunk on Spanish-branded lager and the moody bottle of schnapps the league chairman plans to bring to the transfer evening,’ said a spokesperson for the Professional Footballers’ Association.

Kenna HQ is putting out an implacable front and insists the transfer window will go ahead as planned.

‘Managers have until midday on Thursday to send their released players to the Kenna, and bidding will begin in earnest at 7pm on Friday,’ said the chairman in a press conference held outside the Holborn Whippet at lunchtime.

‘We have nothing to fear. Our league will bear as much scrutiny as Glenn Murray’s…erm…accounts.’

Kenna table week 22

Full scores available from The Rub.

Kenna table week 22 - 30 January 2017
Kenna table week 22 – 30 January 2017
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Author: The chairman

Ascended to the chairmanship of the Jeff Kenna League Fantasy Football League in 2007 after co-founded the league in London in August 2005.

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