EXCITEMENT around Kenna HQ was palpable.
It was more than just the buzz from a festive excess of cheese, sloe gin or the realisation you can buy a round for the whole of a country pub for the price of two pints on Theobalds Road.
The treasurer apparently had some investment news.
The promise of a windfall was affecting different football administrators in different ways.
The vice chairman booked out the board room and was phoning his ‘contact’ for a bumper order ahead of the second transfer window. It was rumoured he would be organising the event in the chairman’s likely absence.
Giggles of glee could be heard from the charts and graphs department in anticipation of entering big numbers in their little boxes.
The chalkstripes from speculations had headed to the Kenna HQ local, the Goalshy Badger, especially early and were bounding around the public bar pool table in high spirits in between unusually long stints in the gents.
The most hubbub, however, came from the chairman‘s office.
“We can finally open the Kenna club, buy premises, get those club ties!” he was heard shouting over the din of his cocktail cabinet.
“Finally, we can attract a higher class of manager. I won’t have to slum it with these taffs, pirates and tactical dimwits,” he later claimed was misheard.
After lunch, the Kenna committee gathered in the lounge bar of the Goalshy Badger for the treasurer’s full report. The chairman opened the meeting.
“Mr treasurer, we understand you have good news for me….ahem…for the league. Pray share this update with the committee.”
As the treasurer stood preparing to speak, the chairman leafed through a brochure of commercial premises in Mayfair. The vice chairman continued to pour the contents of a small plastic bag into urine sample pots of cider.
“Our investment vehicle has made a return for the first time in 10 years,” announced the treasurer to an expectant committee.
“Tell us,” demanded the chairman, “Tell us how much? Is it £50k? £100k? No, no, you don’t mean you got a visit from Agent Million?”
Shaking, the head of charts and graphs knocked back one of the urine sample pots.
The treasurer looked embarrassed.
“Umm, it’s £25,” he said.
The room went quiet. After a few moments the chairman arose, stuffed seven urine sample pots into his pockets and disappeared over the road into the Kenna HQ executive toilet.
It would be some time before he emerged.
Krakow Cup fixtures – second group match
| Group A | Piss Poor | 0 | 0 | Newington Reds |
| Group A | Craving Cottaging | 0 | 0 | Turnpike Pirates |
| Group B | Clotted Cream First | 0 | 0 | Thieving Magpies |
| Group B | Daegger’n Redbridge | 0 | 0 | FC Testiculadew |
| Group C | Fat Ladies | 0 | 0 | Tottenham Network Solutions |
| Group C | Still dont know yet | 0 | 0 | Test team please ignore |
| Group D | Hairy Fadjeetas | 0 | 0 | Pikey Scum |
| Group D | Young Boys | 0 | 0 | Dynamo Charlton |
| Group E | Mo me the Mane | 0 | 0 | Dulwich Red Sox |
| Group E | Cowley Casuals | 0 | 0 | Chairman’s XI |
| Group F | Lokomotiv Leeds | 0 | 0 | Bala Rinas |
| Group F | Judean Peoples’ Front | 0 | 0 | Sporting Lesbian |
Kenna week 18
Kenna week 17
Kenna week 16
