FC Testiculadew 2019/20

AlissonLIV £                  15.00
Cancelo, JMCY £                     0.50
Williams, BMUN £                     0.50
van Aanholt, PCRY £                     5.00
Lascelles, JNEW £                     0.50
Barnes, HLEI £                     0.50
RicharlisonEVE £                  23.00
Hudson-Odoi, CCHE £                     3.00
Bergwijn, STOT £                     0.50
Martinelli, GARS £                     0.50
Pukki, TNOR £                    2.00
   £                 60.00
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Still Don’t Know Yet 2019/20

Pope, NBUR0.5
Otamendi, NMCY £                     0.50
Kelly, MCRY £                     0.50
Tomori, FCHE £                     0.50
Rose, DNEW £                     0.50
Traore, AWLV £                     0.50
El Ghazi, AAVL £                     0.50
Trossard, LBTN0.5
Fleck, JSHF £                     0.50
Firmino, RLIV £                     0.50
Kane, HTOT £                     0.50
   £                   51.50
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Turnpike Pirates 2019/20

Foster, BWAT £                     0.50
Willems, JNEW £                     0.50
Evans, JLEI £                    2.00
Webster, ABTN £                     1.00
Sidibe, DEVE £                     0.50
Pereira, AMUN0.5
Mahrez, RMCY £                  11.00
Sissoko, MTOT £                     3.00
FabinhoLIV £                    6.00
Robinson, CSHF0.5
Batshuayi, MCHE0.5
   £                  24.50
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So Good They Named Him Twice 2019/20

de Gea, DMUN £                  12.00
Cresswell, AWHM £                    2.00
Guilbert, FAVL £                     0.50
Laporte, AMCY £                  23.00
Bednarek, JSOT0.5
Ceballos, DARS £                    8.00
Walcott, TEVE £                     0.50
Mount, MCHE £                     0.50
March, SBTN £                     0.50
Deeney, T 0.5
Sharp, BSHF £                     0.50
   £                  71.00
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Dagger’n’Redbridge

Schmeichel, KLEI £                  10.00
Vertonghen, JTOT £                  11.00
Lindelof, VMUN £                    2.00
Tarkowski, JBUR £                     7.00
Boly, WWLV £                     5.00
Zaha, WCRY £                  23.00
RodriMCY £                     5.00
Shaqiri, XLIV £                    6.00
Torreira, LARS £                     5.00
Wilson, CBOU £                  25.00
McGoldrick, DSHF0.5
   £                 99.00
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Barry Town 2019/20

EdersonMCY £                  16.00
Lewis, JNOR £                    2.00
Baldock, GSHF £                     0.50
Montoya, MBTN £                     0.50
Otto, JWLV £                    4.00
Wijnaldum, GLIV £                    8.00
Xhaka, GARS £                     0.50
Brooks, DBOU £                    6.00
Doucoure, AWAT £                    4.00
Ayew, JCRY £                     0.50
Vardy, JLEI £                  32.00
   £                  74.00
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Lokomotiv Leeds 2019/20

Dubravka, MNEW £                     0.50
Azpilicueta, CCHE £                     0.50
Mendy, BMCY £                    4.00
Bertrand, RSOT £                    2.00
Dawson, CWAT £                     0.50
Iwobi, AEVE £                     0.50
Maddison, JLEI £                  15.00
Pepe, NARS £                  21.00
MouraTOT £                  10.00
Haller, SWHM £                     0.50
Maupay, NBTN £                     0.50
   £                  68.50
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Young Boys 2019/20

Ramsdale, ABOU £                     0.50
Wan-Bissaka, AMUN £                  15.00
Matip, JLIV £                     1.00
Soyuncu, CLEI £                     5.00
Lowton, MBUR £                    2.00
Milivojevic, LCRY £                  15.00
JorginhoCHE £                    2.00
Noble, MWHM £                    6.00
Lundstram, JSHF £                     3.00
Lacazette, AARS £                     0.50
Ings, DSOT £                  16.00
   £                  69.50
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Always the bridesmaid

The cell was dark. Dawn was at least an hour away.

She pondered on the course of events that led her here.

The girls. The private islands. Jeffery Epstein. Was he still a Bramble player for So Good They Named Him Twice?

There was a moment in Florida when she was forcing a teenage girl to give Jeffery a foot massage that she wondered if her life was taking the right course. Of course, it was, she thought, I’m Ghislaine Maxwell. Everyone is wrong and I’m right. This prison cell is evidence of that. I should be on a luxury ranch in New Hampshire. It was the system that was wrong. God, back in the 90s if you had wealth and privilege you could slap around who you liked. What was wrong with the world now? Thank God daddy didn’t get a statue built of himself.

She was lying on a thin mattress supported by a tiled rectangle structure jutted out along one wall of the room. What passed for a window were some glass blocks built into the wall. It reminded her of the changing rooms at the Manor Ground in Headington back in the 80s.

The world was simpler place then. She was director of daddy’s football team and they got promoted twice in two seasons to reach the First Division. She went to parties in London in the week, the creme de la creme, and the football on Saturday. She could treat the Great Unwashed exactly how she liked. There were no finger pointing little slags back then.

These memories flooded back to her as she heard a pipe dripping somewhere and the other prisoners snores and groans.

She froze. Her eyes were closed but she could feel someone close by. There was an intense smell of leather and she guessed a gloved hand was covering her mouth. She opened her eyes.

Inches from her face was the head of a figure. At least that’s what she could see with one eye. Her other eye stared into the barrel of a suppressed 9mm pistol.

The intruder’s face looked Anglo-Saxon. He had dark, thick hair, a pale face and penetrating eyes.

He gestured he would remove his hand from her mouth and to be quiet. She moved her head slightly to show she would comply. As he took his hand away she whispered: ‘The palace?’

He shook his head. She took it as a sign to guess again.

‘It can’t be. It can’t,’ she whispered in exasperation. ‘Why?’

‘They have a bet,’ replied the stranger. His English was accented and she could tell he was German but had spent time in the south east of England.

‘A what?’ she replied incredulous someone would toy with her, her!, like this.

‘A bet. I’m here to make sure you stay alive for the next…’ the gun barrel flicked up slightly as he checked his watch ‘…13 minutes.’

‘What happens then?’ she couldn’t help asking.

‘Then you do it yourself.’

Looking at her one eye all the time and without lowering the gun he pressed something into her hand. It was cold. It could be a small piece of metal.

They were both still. Time passed. The light in the glass blocks got greyer.

Eventually the stranger gave her nod and stood back. She knew it was pointless to resist. The blade was sharp in her fingers. She took one last look at the man and then drew the blade across her wrist.

As her consciousness faded she thought back to those simpler times. The 80s. London parties. Jim Smith lifting the Third Division championship trophy.

The intruder took a phone from his pocket and tapped the screen before slipping from the cell.

Thousands of miles away in the Kenna HQ manager experiences department a man read out: ‘It’s done. Time of death 6.03am.’

The chairman sipped his Grasshopper and said: ‘Michael Ballack. Always the bridesmaid.’

Then he looked at the Kenna table and all thoughts of the Maxwell woman melted away.

Winning a bet with the vice chairman was one thing. Becoming the first manager to win the Kenna League three times was quite something else.

He didn’t want to end up like Ballack or Maxwell.

Kenna League – two weeks to go

Full scores available from The Rub.

Kenna League - 7 July 2020
Kenna League – 7 July 2020

Coronavirus Cup – quarter final results

Cowley Casuals 33 – 34 Bala Rinas

Dynamo Charlton 73 – 19 Young Boys

Clotted Cream First 50 – 40 Magpies

Daggers 30 – 39 Lowry Travel Tavern

Semi final fixtures

Bala Rinas v Lowry Travel Tavern

Dynamo Charlton v Clotted Cream First

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Lowry Travel Tavern 2019/20

McCarthy, ASOT £                     0.50
Coady, CWLV £                    4.00
Sakho, MCRY £                     3.00
Zouma, KCHE £                     1.00
Bellerin, HARS £                     3.00
Sigurdsson, GEVE £                     0.50
Pogba, PMUN £                 28.00
Wilson, HBOU £                     0.50
Ndombele, TTOT £                  11.00
Wood, CBUR £                     5.00
Locadia, JBTN £                     0.50
   £                  56.00
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