November 2020 – The Jeff Kenna League

FRENCH police say they are tightening the net on a suspected sex offender at large in the south of the country.

Numerous reports have been made during the pandemic lockdown of a man hiding in wooded areas throughout the Midi-Pyrenees region waiting to pounce on teenagers who show any football talent.

French media have dubbed him ‘Le Young Boys’.

‘We’re very keen to speak to anyone who may know the whereabouts of this man. He’s around 40 years of age, and of medium height and build. He may identify himself as a Welshman or a Belgian, but strangely has no working knowledge of the Welsh, Flemish or French languages,’ said a Gendarmerie National spokesman.

‘Le Young Boys’ is said to approach targets with promises of a lucrative contract to play football in England.

One victim, who wished to remain anonymous, said: ‘He jumped out of a tree and said I’d be part of the richest league in the world. He insisted we toast the contract with a drink, which he provided.

‘I woke several days later in south London, locked in a cellar with Kostas Tsimikas and made to spend 15 hours a day making replica Marc Wilmots Belgium shirts from the 2002 World Cup.

‘I managed to escape but it was touch and go. I couldn’t find any way to leave the area apart from the number 88 bus which took forever. Later I was told ‘Le Young Boys’ had a place in Wandsworth.’

Authorities believe ‘Le Young Boys‘ may be part of a obscure fantasy football league formed in London, and struggling this season near the relegation zone.