Kenna commits to be net Bramble zero by 2050

Greta Thunberg

THE world’s leading London pub-based fantasy football league has pledged to eliminate Brambling by 2050.

The Kenna League plans to gradually reduce the number of times the Titus Bramble forfeit process is triggered at auctions and transfer windows over the next three decades, but many commentators believe the Kenna HQ leadership has bigger concerns.

‘Brambling is the number one threat to our society,’ said the Kenna chairman arriving at COP26 by private jet with a Red Arrows flypast.

While many Kenna League managers haven’t Brambled in years, one point politicians and activists in Glasgow can agree on is there are outliers who threaten the net Bramble zero 2050 target.

‘The Pirate shows up to every auction saying he’ll play with a straight bat before losing Alvaro Morata on a Bramble and Alexis Sanchez to a Bramble buyout clause. It’s just ‘blah blah blah’,’ said a Swedish protestor outside the conference.

There is considerable apprehension a major power with an opaque, paranoia-inducing regime has the potential to undermine the net zero commitment, but the Dark Lord claims his days of tactical Brambling are truly behind him.

Proposals to reduce Brambling in the Kenna by managers going substance abuse neutral by 2030 were laughed out of COP26 so hard several world leaders woke up.

Kenna League week 10

Kenna week 10 - 6 November 2021
Kenna week 10 – 6 November 2021
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Author: The chairman

Ascended to the chairmanship of the Jeff Kenna League Fantasy Football League in 2007 after co-founded the league in London in August 2005.