Flat response: Kenna HQ number crunchers worked through the night on a solution.
By the Hairy Fadjeetas manager
SHOCK waves reverberated across the Kenna today as the transfer kitty of Switzerland-based St Reatham FC swelled by a mouthwatering 30 percent.
Details of the club’s new-found wealth emerged yesterday lunchtime after the Swiss National Bank abandoned a cap on the country’s currency value against the euro. Before the move it cost the Swiss 1.2 francs to buy one euro, just minutes later that cost fell to 80 cents.
That means St Reatham’s spending power has dramatically increased ahead of February’s transfer window.
A financial analyst close to the Kenna said: “The club will effectively be getting Black Friday prices on any deal it tries to make, while everyone else will still be paying top whack.”
Speaking from his Alpine retreat, the manager of St Reatham FC, who is still wanted by police following an incident on Chobham Common in April 2013, declared: “It’s a rich man’s game and I’m rich. Filthy rich. Filthy.”
In a hastily-convened press conference the Kenna chairman denied being caught out by the ebb and flow of the global money markets: “We’ve had our top boys on this one for a few days now crunching the numbers and I’m confident that transfer budgets will not be affected by this Swiss decoupling. Who uses bloody euros anyway? The Kenna is a fine British institution.”