The Horn of Africa

Manager: Abdi

International form
2006 Claudio Caniggia World Cup – n/a
2008 John Jensen Euros – n/a
2010 Dr Khumalo World Cup – ?
2012 Emanuel Olisadebe Euros – 8/14
2014 Emerson World Cup – 2/18
2016 Jean Alain Boumsong Euros – 7/18
2018 Dimitri Kharine World Cup – 9/16

Sympathies: England/Somalia

GKSommerSWI6
DFChilwellENG3
DFde LigtNED12
DFKjaerDEN5
DFAlabaAUS1
MFJeremy ForrestBramble6
MFForsbergSWE15
MFDaniel JamesWAL6
STMbappeFRA10
STLewandowskiPOL30
STBelottiITA6
Total100
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Craft Beer Wankers 2020/21

Pirate
The Craft Beer Wankers manager

Since: 2010

Trophy cabinet: Canesten Combi Cup winner 2012/13

Form
2010/11 – 14th
2011/12 – 5th
2012/13 – 8th
2013/14 – 21st (relegated)
2014/15 – 20th (relegated)
2015/16 – 16th
2016/17 – 5th
2017/18 – 18th
2018/19 – 20th (relegated)
2019/20 – 22nd (relegated)

Sympathies: Arsenal

First transfer window

Bernd LenoARS £                    8.00
Harry MaguireMUN £                  19.00
Antonio RüdigerCHE £                     7.00
Charlie TaylorBUR £                     0.50
Enda StevensSHU £                    2.00
Adama TraoréWOL £                  12.00
Wilfred NdidiLEI £                     1.00
AllanEVE £                     7.00
Theo WalcottSOU £                     0.50
JoelintonNEW £                     1.00
Jean-Philippe MatetaCRY £                     1.00
   £                  59.00

Auction XI

Bernd LenoARS £                    8.00
Harry MaguireMUN £                  19.00
Antonio RüdigerCHE £                     7.00
Patrick van AanholtCRY £                    4.00
Enda StevensSHU £                    2.00
Adama TraoréWOL £                  12.00
Wilfred NdidiLEI £                     1.00
AllanEVE £                     7.00
Felipe AndersonWHU £                  13.00
Dennis NielsonBRAM £                  25.00
Glenn MurrayBHA £                     1.00
   £                 99.00

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Turnpike Pirates 2019/20

Foster, BWAT £                     0.50
Willems, JNEW £                     0.50
Evans, JLEI £                    2.00
Webster, ABTN £                     1.00
Sidibe, DEVE £                     0.50
Pereira, AMUN0.5
Mahrez, RMCY £                  11.00
Sissoko, MTOT £                     3.00
FabinhoLIV £                    6.00
Robinson, CSHF0.5
Batshuayi, MCHE0.5
   £                  24.50
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Turnpike Pirates 2018/19

Abdi
Scourge of the high seas: The Turnpike Pirates manager

Manager: Abdi (Somalia)

Twitter name@abdinw1

Since: 2010

Home ground: Mogadishu Arena

Training facility: Spyglass Hill

Trophy cabinet: Canesten Combi Cup winner 2012/13

Form
2010/11 – 14th
2011/12 – 5th
2012/13 – 8th
2013/14 – 21st (relegated)
2014/15 – 20th (relegated)
2015/16 – 16th
2016/17 – 5th
2017/18 – 18th

Sympathies: Arsenal

Darts musicThe Trumpet Hornpipe

Second transfer window – February 2019

Starting budget: £12m
Spend: £6.5m
Player sales:
Remaining budget: £m

Hart, J BUR  £2.00
Maguire, H LEI  £12.00
Bamba, S (TW2) CAR  £0.50
Holebas, J (TW1) WAT  £0.50
Bailly, E MUN  £6.00
Billing, P (TW2) HUD  £6.00
Mkhitaryan, H ARS  £19.00
Redmond, N (TW1) SOT  £8.00
Knockaert, A (TW1) BTN  £0.50
Heung-min, S TOT  £18.00
Rondon, S NEW  £12.00
 £84.50

First transfer window – October 2018

Starting budget: £10.5m
Spend: £9.5m
Player sales: £1m (Danilo and Wilshere to Craven Cottaging for £0.5m each)
Remaining budget: £2m

Hart, J BUR  £2.00
Maguire, H LEI  £12.00
Kenny, J (TW1) EVE  £0.50
Holebas, J (TW1) WAT  £0.50
Bailly, E MUN  £6.00
Fabregas, C CHE  £8.00
Mkhitaryan, H ARS  £19.00
Redmond, N (TW1) SOT  £8.00
Knockaert, A (TW1) BTN  £o.50
Heung-min, S TOT  £18.00
Rondon, S NEW  £12.00
 £86.50

Auction XI

Hart, J BUR  £2.00
Maguire, H LEI  £12.00
Danilo MCY  £0.50
Soares, C SOT  £3.00
Bailly, E MUN  £6.00
Fabregas, C CHE  £8.00
Mkhitaryan, H ARS  £19.00
Wilshere, J WHM  £7.00
Besic, M EVE  £12.00
Heung-min, S TOT  £18.00
Rondon, S NEW  £12.00
 £99.50
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Islington Sports Islam & Leisure 2017/18

Abdi
Scourge of the high seas: The ISIL manager

Manager: Abdi (Somalia)

Twitter name: @abdinw1

Since: 2010

Home ground: Mogadishu Arena

Training facility: Spyglass Hill

Trophy cabinet: Canesten Combi Cup winner 2012/13

Form
2010/11 – 14th
2011/12 – 5th
2012/13 – 8th
2013/14 – 21st (relegated)
2014/15 – 20th (relegated)
2015/16 – 16th
2016/17 – 5th

Sympathies: Arsenal

Darts music: The Trumpet Hornpipe

What the chalkstripes in Kenna HQ speculations department are saying: Even if the Pirate could keep Alvaro Morata from the auction and retain Alexis Sanchez beyond the next transfer window, the smart money has him throwing it away all over again – 66/1

Second transfer window – Friday 4 October 2018
Remaining budget: £28m

Player sales: Xhaka to Sleptember XI for £10m

Courtois, T CHE £ 3.00
Vertonghen, J TOT £9.00
McAuley, G WBA £4.00
Ward, S (TW1) BUR £22.00
Carrillo, A (TW2) WAT £0.50
Sane, L MCY £21.00  
Ince, T HUD £5.00
Bolasie, Y EVE £0.50
Mkhitaryan, H (TW2 – from Sporting Lesbian) ARS £18.00
Sorloth, A (TW2) CRY £0.50
Slimani, I (TW2) NEW £0.50
£84m

First transfer window – Friday 6 October 2017
Remaining budget: £28.5m

Player sales: Alexis Sanchez to Piss Poor for £22m

Courtois, T CHE  £ 3.00
Vertonghen, J TOT  £9.00
McAuley, G WBA  £4.00
Ward, S (TW1) BUR  £22.00
Xhaka, G (TW1) ARS  £0.50
Sane, L MCY  £21.00
Ince, T HUD  £5.00
Bolasie, Y EVE  £0.50
Sakho, D (TW1) WHU  £0.50
Mitrovic, A (TW1) NEW  £0.50
Hemed, T (TW1) BTN  £19.00
     £85m

Auction XI (3-4-3)
Remaining budget: £16.5m

Courtois, T CHE  £ 3.00
Vertonghen, J TOT  £9.00
McAuley, G WBA  £4.00
Britos, M WAT  £0.50
Robertson, A LIV  £0.50
Sane, L MCY  £21.00
Ince, T HUD  £5.00
Bolasie, Y EVE  £0.50
Dr Cliff Huxtable BRM  £7.50
Murray, G BTN  £0.50
Sanchez, A ARS  £32.00
     £83.50
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Islington Sports Islam & Leisure 2016/17

Abdi
Scourge of the high seas: The ISIL manager

Manager: Abdi (Somalia)

Twitter name: @abdinw1

Since: 2010

Home ground: Mogadishu Arena

Training facility: Spyglass Hill

Trophy cabinet: Canesten Combi Cup winner 2012/13

Kenna Index rating: 0.68 – 22nd
2010/11 – 14th
2011/12 – 5th
2012/13 – 8th
2013/14 – 21st (relegated)
2014/15 – 20th (relegated)
2015/16 – 16th

Sympathies: Arsenal

Darts music: The Trumpet Hornpipe

Starting XI – August auction

Adrian WHM  £                   3.00
Koscielny, L ARS  £                16.00
McAuley, G WBA  £                   3.00
Keane, M BUR  £                  2.00
Bailly, E MUN  £                   7.00
Cabaye, Y CRY  £                   7.00
Wijnaldum, G (TW2) LIV  £                14.00
Redmond, N SOT  £                13.00
Iheanacho, K (TW2) MCY  £                   7.00
Costa, D CHE  £                27.00
King, J (TW2) BOU  £                   0.50
     £                99.50

First transfer window – Friday 7 October 2016 (1st)

No changes.

Formation: 4-3-3
Remaining budget: £10.5m

Second transfer window – Friday 10 February 2017 (4th)

In
Barry Bennell – HMP Kenna midfielder – £7m
Adlene Guedioura – Middlesborough midfielder – £2m
Daniel Sturridge – Liverpool striker – £8m

Out
Gigi Wijnaldum – Liverpool midfielder – lost on a Bramble
Kelechi Iheanacho – Man City striker – free
Joshua King – Bournemouth striker – £13m to Walthamstow Reds

Formation: 4-4-2
Remaining budget: £16.5m

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Le Horn d’Afrique

Manager: Abdi

Nationality: Le Pirate Arab

International honours: none

Formation: 4-4-2

Fabianski, L POL £2m
Stones, J ENG £9m
Olsson, M SWE £0.5m
Fuchs, C AUT £4m
Skrtel, M SVK £7m
Payet, D FRA £14m
Ramsey, A WAL £5m
Koke ESP £3m
Rosicky, T CZE £7m
Ronaldo, C POT £39m
Long, S IRL £5m
£95.5m
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Islington Sports Islam & Leisure 2015/16

Abdi
Scourge of the high seas: The ISIL manager

Manager: Abdi (Somalia)

Twitter name: @abdinw1

Since: 2010

Home ground: Mogadishu Arena

Training facility: Spyglass Hill

Trophy cabinet: Canesten Combi Cup winner 2012/13

Kenna Index rating: 0.68 – 22nd
2010/11 – 14th
2011/12 – 5th
2012/13 – 8th
2013/14 – 21st (relegated)
2014/15 – 20th (relegated)

Sympathies: Arsenal

Darts music: The Trumpet Hornpipe

Season preview in one sentence (on 28 September): For the second auction in a row the absent manager has had Serbian Nemenja thrust into his midfield by the The Rub: one could say auto-Matic-ally.

Vorm, M (TW2) TOT £?m
Sagna, B MCY £0.5m
Soares, C (TW2) SOT £?m
Walker, K (TW1) TOT £11m
Olsson, J WBA £0.5m
Johnson, A (TW2) SUN £?m
Arnautovic, M (TW1) STO £7m
Ayew, J (TW2) AVL £?m
Gosling, D (TW2) BOU £?m
Okazaki, S (TW2) LEI £?m
Ings, D LIV £0.5m
£?m

First transfer window – Friday 2 October 2015

In -£24.5m
Gomes, H – Watford goalkeeper – £3m
Galloway, B – Everton defender – £2m
Walker, K – Tottenham defender – £11m
Arnautovic, M – Stoke midfielder – £7m
Inler, G – Leicester midfielder – £0.5m
Moses, V – West Ham midfielder – £0.5m
Bamford, P – Crystal Palace striker – £0.5m

Out +£0.5m
Vorm, M – Tottenham goalkeeper – free
Brown, W – Sunderland defender – free
Bardsley, P – Stoke defender – free
Valencia, A – Man United midfielder – free
Wanyama, V – Southampton midfielder – free
Dyer, N – Leicester midfielder – £0.5m (to Lokomotiv Leeds)
Welbeck, D – Arsenal striker – free

Remaining budget: £2m

Second transfer window – Friday 5 February 2016

In
Vorm, M – Tottenham goalkeeper – £?m
Soares, C – Southampton defender – £?m
Johnson, A – Sunderland midfielder – £?m
Ayew, J – Aston Villa midfielder – £?m
Gosling, D – Bournemouth midfielder – £?m
Okazaki, S – Leicester striker – £?m

Out
Gomes, H – Watford goalkeeper – free
Galloway, B – Everton defender – free
Matic, N – Chelsea midfielder – free
Inler, G – Stoke midfielder – free
Moses, V – West Ham midfielder – free
Bamford, P – Crystal Palace striker – free

Remaining budget: £?m

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Hoxton Pirates 2014/15

Abdi
Scourge of the Old Street roundabout: The Hoxton Pirates manager

Manager: Abdi (Somalia)

Twitter name: @abdinw1

Since: 2010

Last season: 21st (relegated)

Trophy cabinet: Canesten Combi Cup winner 2012/13

Sympathies: Arsenal

Darts music: The Trumpet Hornpipe

Season preview in one sentence: Unable to attend the auction because of commitments in ‘Durrby’, the Somali’s automatically-generated side shows flickers of guile, and leaves most wondering whether he could have done better in person.

Fabianski, L (TW2) SWA £0.50
Davies, B (TW2) TOT £0.50
Manquillo, J (TW2) LIV £0.50
Coloccini, F (TW2) NEW £0.50
de Laet, R (TW1) LEI £3.00
Matic, N CHE £0.50
Song, A (TW2) WHU £2.00
Cllr Martin Kimber (TW2) (Bramble) ROT £0.50
Gary Glitter (TW2) (Bramble) HMP £0.50
Welbeck, D (TW2) ARS £0.50
Ings, D (TW2) BUR £11.00
£20m

First transfer window – Friday 17 October 2014

In
Wright, R – goalkeeper, MCY – £2m (Bramble)
de Laet, R – defender, LEI – £3m
Wright-Phillips, S – midfielder, QPR – £4m
Evans, C – striker, OLD – £4m (Bramble)

Out
Robles – goalkeeper, EVE – £0m
Upson, M – defender, LEI – £0m
Lampard, F – midfielder, MCY – £0m
Campbell, J – striker, ARS – £0m

Remaining budget: £7m

Second transfer window – Saturday 7 February 2015

In 
Fabianski, L – goalkeeper, SWA – £0.5m
Davies, B – defender, TOT – £0.5m
Manquillo, J – defender, LIV – £0.5m
Coloccini, F – defender, NEW – £0.5m
Song, A – midfielder, WHU – £2m
Former Rotherham Counsellor Martin Kimber – midfielder, ROT – £0.5m (Titus Bramble player)
Gary Glitter – midfielder, HMP – £0.5m (Titus Bramble player)
Welbeck, D – striker, ARS – £0.5m
Ings, D – striker, BUR – £11m

Out
Wright, R – goalkeeper, MCY – £0m
Dier, E – defender, TOT – £0m
Wilson, M – defender, STO – £0m
Delaney, D – defender, CRY – £0m
Wright-Phillips, S – midfielder, QPR – £0m
Januzaj, A – midfielder, MUN – £0m (lost under Titus Bramble ruling)
Ramirez, G – midfielder, HUL – £0m (lost under Titus Bramble ruling)
Zarate, M – striker, WHU – £0m
Ched Evans – striker, TBR – £0m

Remaining budget: £0.5m

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Botafogo Pirates FC

Manager: Abdi

Nationality: Somalia

International honours: none

 

Romero, S – ARG – GK  £3.00 
Luiz, D – BRA – DEF  £15.00 
Boateng, J – GER – DEF  £9.00 
Inkoom, S – GHA – DEF  £1.00 
Godin, D – URU – DEF  £11.00 
Kovacic, M – CRO – MID  £11.00 
Xavi – ESP – MID  £10.00 
Rodriguez, J – COL – MID  £17.00 
Wilshere, J – ENG – MID  £9.00 
Remy, L – FRA – STR  £7.00 
Soudani, E – ALG – STR  £6.50 
 £99.50 

 

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