Burqini Pool Party 2017/18

Aiden
Wheeler dealer: The Burqini Pool Party manager
Manager: Aiden (Yorkshire)

Twitter name: @Br15land

Since: 2011

Home ground: Koran Koran

Training facility: Deep End

Trophy cabinet: Empty

Form
2011/12 – 15th
2012/13 – 9th
2013/14 – 13th
2014/15 – 10th
2015/16 – 17th (relegated)
2017/18 – 3rd

Sympathies: Sheffield Wednesday

Darts music: Inner Circle – Sweat

What the chalkstripes in Kenna HQ speculations department are saying: A solid team built around a light midfield but historically a mid-table finish likely – 25/1

Auction XI (3-5-2)
Remaining budget: £10.5m

Forster, F SOT  £4.00
Trippier, K TOT  £15.00
Alonso, M CHE  £16.00
Mendy, B MCY  £6.00
Klaassen, D EVE  £11.00
Walcott, T ARS  £10.00
Loftus-Cheek, R CRY  £2.00
Wijnaldum, G LIV  £2.00
Ritchie, M NEW  £11.00
King, J BOU  £12.00
Rodriguez, J WBA  £0.50
     £89.50
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Burqini Pool Party 2016/17

Aiden
Wheeler dealer: The Hairy Fadjeetas manager

Manager: Aiden (Yorkshire)

Twitter name: @Br15land

Since: 2011

Home ground: Koran Koran

Training facility: Deep End

Trophy cabinet: Empty

Kenna Index rating: 0.576 – 15th
2011/12 – 15th
2012/13 – 9th
2013/14 – 13th
2014/15 – 10th
2015/16 – 17th (relegated)

Sympathies: Sheffield Wednesday

Darts music: Inner Circle – Sweat

Starting XI – August auction

Mandanda, S (TW1) CRY £ 2.00
Clyne, N LIV £ 11.00
Darmian, M (TW1) MUN £ 0.50
Clichy, G MCY £ 6.00
Pied, J (TW1) SOT £ 0.50
Antonio, M WHM £ 3.00
Sigurdsson, G SWA £ 10.00
Eriksen, C TOT £ 19.00
Mirallas, K EVE £ 8.00
Cook, L (TW1) BOU £ 0.50
Vardy, J LEI £ 23.00
£ 83.50

First transfer window – Friday 7 October 2016 (11th)

In
Bill Cosby – HMP Kenna goalkeeper – ?
Martin Kelly – Crystal Palace defender – £0.5m
Harry Arter – Bournemouth midfielder – £0.5m
Lucas Perez – Arsenal striker – £6m

Out
Steve Mandanda – Crystal Palace goalkeeper – Bramble
Matteo Darmian – Manchester United defender – free
Jeremy Pied – Southampton defender – free
Lewis Cook – Bournemouth midfielder – free

Formation: 3-5-2
Remaining budget: £19.5m

Second transfer window – Friday 10 February 2017 (7th)

In
Lee Grant – Stoke goalkeeper – £0.5m
Sebastian Prodl – Watford defender – £2m
Jay Rodriguez – Southampton striker – £17m

Out
Bill Cosby – HMP Kenna goalkeeper – free
Martin Kelly – Crystal Palace defender – free
Lucas Perez – Arsenal striker – free

Formation: 3-5-2
Remaining budget: £10m

Zapisz

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Le Fadge Qui Rit

Manager: Aiden

Nationality: Le Rosbif

International honours: none

Formation: 4-4-2

Team automatically generated from leftover auction players after manager failed to attend

Sirigu, S ITA £0.5m
Clyne, N ENG £0.5m
Carvalho, R POT £0.5m
Ignashevich, S RUS £0.5m
Wawrzyniak, J POL £0.5m
Pedro ESP £0.5m
Cabaye, Y FRA £0.5m
Schurrle, A GER £0.5m
Mak, R SVK £0.5m
Benteke, C BEL £0.5m
Priskin, T HUN £0.5m
£5.5m
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Hairy Fadjeetas 2015/16

Aiden
Wheeler dealer: The Hairy Fadjeetas manager

Manager: Aiden (Yorkshire)

Twitter name: @Br15land

Since: 2011

Home ground: Bikini Lane

Training facility: The Growler

Trophy cabinet: Empty

Kenna Index rating: 0.576 – 15th
2011/12 – 15th out of 19
2012/13 – 9/20
2013/14 – 13/23
2014/15 – 10/20

Sympathies: Sheffield Wednesday

Darts musicThe Vag1na Song

Season preview in one sentence (on 7 September): Sterling aside, the manager’s auction looks to have gone as well as Karim Benzema’s move to London.

Guzan, B AVL £5m
Zouma, K (TW1) CHE £7m
Rangel, A SWA £0.5m
Coloccini, F NEW £3m
Lovren, D (TW1) LIV £0.5m
Mirallas, K EVE £8m
Chadli, N TOT £5m
Sterling, R MCY £19m
Hoolahan, W NOR £2m
Berahino, S WBA £18m
Vardy, J (TW1) LEI £31m
£99m

First transfer window – Friday 2 October 2015

In -£38.5m
Zouma, K – Chelsea defender – £7m
Lovren, D – Liverpool defender – £0.5m
Vardy, J – Leicester striker – £31m

Out +£4m
Rojo, M – Manchester United defender – £4m (to Cowley Casuals)
Gibbs, K – Arsenal defender – free
Benzema, K – Real Madrid striker – free

Remaining budget: £7.5m

Second transfer window – Friday 5 February 2016

No changes.

Remaining budget: £7.5m

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Hairy Fadjeetas 2014/15

Aiden
Wheeler dealer: The Hairy Fadjeetas manager

Manager: Aiden (Yorkshire)

Since: 2011

Last season: 13th

Trophy cabinet: Empty (highest league position – 9th in 2012/13)

Sympathies: Sheffield Wednesday

Darts musicThe Vag1na Song

Season preview in one sentence: Creativity in midfield, but severely limited striking options and the Scottish Cafu in defence will leave title challenge hopes stranded in the bush.

Mignolet, S LIV  £                6.00
Taylor, N SWA  £                0.50
Mangala, E MCY  £                0.50
Rosenior, L HUL  £                0.50
Hutton, A AVL  £                0.50
Barkley, R EVE  £             10.00
Oxlade-Chamberlain, A ARS  £             10.00
Hazard, E CHE  £             23.00
Amalfitano, M (TW2) WHU  £               0.50
Falcao, R (TW1) MUN  £               9.00
Cisse, P (TW1) NEW  £                8.00
     £             68.00m

First transfer window – Friday 17 October 2014

In
Falcao – striker, MUN – £9m
Papiss Cisse – striker, NEW – £8m

Out
Murray, G – striker, CRY – £0m
Nugent, D – striker, LEI – £0m

Remaining budget: £25m

Second transfer window – Saturday 7 February 2015

In
Amalfitano, M – midfielder, WHU – £0.5m

Out
Rodwell, J – midfielder, SUN – £0m

Remaining budget: £34.5m

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Fadjeetacabana

Manager: Aiden

Nationality: English

International honours: none

Pletikosa, S – CRO – GK  £5.00 
Vlaar, R – NED – DEF  £6.00 
Barzagli, A – ITA – DEF  £6.00 
Aurier, S – CIV – DEF  £4.00 
Omeruo, K – NGA – DEF  £0.50 
Di Maria, A – ARG – MID  £31.00 
Sterling, R – ENG – MID  £6.00 
Gotze, M – GER – MID  £17.00 
Shaqiri, X – SUI – MID  £2.00 
Cavani, E – URU – STR  £9.00 
Gekas, T – GRE – STR  £6.50 
   £93.00 
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Hairy Fadjeetas 2013/14

Aiden
Wheeler dealer: The Hairy Fadjeetas manager

Manager: Aiden (Yorkshire)

Since: 2011

Last season: 9th

Trophy cabinet: Empty (highest league position – last season)

Sympathies: Sheffield Wednesday

Darts music: The Vag1na Song

Outlook (on 12 September 2013): With only one Turkey of the Month award to his name, the Hairy Fadjeetas manager still has it all to prove at club level. His most successful efforts have been on the international stage, where he collected a runners up medal in the Dr Khumalo 2010 World Cup, but most notably took charge of the league Twitter account during the Emmanuel Olisadebe 2012 Euros. The chairman has given his word that should the league realise the dream of owning premises in St James’s there will always be a place on the billiard room wall for the resounding description of The Horn of Africa manager throwing in the towel halfway through an auction and the moment 10 minutes later when he picked it up again.

His place on the committee under threat with the swift decline of tweeting entire auctions, the Fadges manager manned the Skype business during last month’s all day bonanza. While administering bids from such exotic climes as Valencia and Bournemouth, for his own team the manager kept it simple and went big on two players already justifying their £30m+ price tag: Robert Soldado and Edin Hazard (league ball boys have been placed on high alert). As for the rest of team, it appears to be a mixture of dwindling roles (Hernandez, Grandin, Gouffran) and plodding performance (Marshall, Turner, Jarvis). Once Nastasic returns from injury, he’ll join Kolo Toure, Ron Vlaar, Soldado and Hazard as the team’s mainstays. Will this be enough to drag the Hairy Fadjeetas manager out of the hall of infame?

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bMym1gsG_30&w=420&h=315]

Marshall, D CAR £3.5m
Vlaar, R AVL £5.5m
Turner, M NOR £3m
Toure, K LIV £6.5m
Nastasic, M MCY £0.5m
Jarvis, M WHM £7.5m
Hazard, E CHE £34m
Gouffran, Y NEW £0.5m
Ramsey, A ARS £11m
Soldado TOT £33m
Hernandez, J MUN £1.5m
£110m

First transfer window – 5 October 2013

Starting budget: £11m, remaining budget: £0m, net loss: £11m

Out       In      
Pos Player Team Sold Pos Player Team Paid
MID Grandin, E CRY Free MID Ramsey, A ARS £11m

Second transfer window – 7 February 2014

No changes

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Hairy Fadjeetas

Manager: Aiden (Yorkshire)

Since: 2011 (committee member, Director of Wry Tweets)

Last season: 15th

Trophy cabinet: Empty (highest league position – last season)

Sympathies: Sheffield Wednesday

Darts music: Hawaii 5-0 theme

Outlook: Up there amongst the best all-time Brambles when the hapless Marouane Chamakh replaced £33m Carlos Tevez, but the Fadges boss recovered well to bring some solid purchases to the club’s Bikini Lane stadium. Paid through the nose for Eden Hazard, but on the evidence of the first game he looks an exciting prospect. Manager yet to prove himself in the domestic arena.

(B) = player awarded under the Titus Brambling ruling

Mignolet, S SUN £5.5m
Skrtel, M LIV £20m
Vidic, N MUN £16m
Williams, A SWA £3.5m
Hughes, A FUL £4m
Hazard, E CHE £26m
Ben Arfa, H NEW £6.5m
Hoolahan, W NOR £2.5m
McCleary, G REA £0.5m
Mirallas, K EVE £18m
Defoe, J TOT £13m
 Total £115.5m

Second transfer window – 1 February 2013

Out     In
Lescott, J MCY £12m Skrtel, M LIV £20m

First transfer window – 26 October 2012

Out     In
Warnock, S AVL £2m Vidic, N MUN £16m
Chamakh M (B) ARS £16.5m Mirallas, K EVE £18m
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Chernobyl Forlov

Manager: Aiden

Nationality: England

Domestic club side: Hairy Fadjeetas

Tournament history:

  • Doctor Khumalo 2010 World Cup: 2nd (out of 15)

4-4-2

Pletikosa, S Croatia £0.5m
Chiellini, G Italy £12m
Rami, A France £7m
Torossidis, V Greece £0.5m
Safari, B Sweden £0.5m
Walcott, T England £5m
Mata, J Spain £0.5m
Obraniak, L Poland £0.5m
Hunt, S Rep of Ireland £0.5m
Gomez, M Germany £32m
Huntelaar, KJ Holland £22m
Total £81m
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Hairy Fadjeetas (second window)

Manager: Mr Aiden Brisland (ENG)

Since: 2011

Trophy cabinet: empty

Sympathies: Sheffield Wednesday

Hennessey, W WLV £4m
Evans, J MUN £7.5m
Jagielka, P EVE £14.5m
Taylor, N SWA £0.5m
Givet, G BLR £3.5m
Etherington, M STO £12.5m
Lennon, A TOT £8.5m
Downing, S LIV £0.5m
Morrison, J WBA £0.5m
Torres, F CHE £27.5m
Ruiz, B FUL £2m
£81.5m
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