What the chalkstripes in Kenna HQ speculations department are saying: A solid team built around a light midfield but historically a mid-table finish likely – 25/1
First transfer window – Friday 7 October 2016 (11th)
In
Bill Cosby – HMP Kenna goalkeeper – ?
Martin Kelly – Crystal Palace defender – £0.5m
Harry Arter – Bournemouth midfielder – £0.5m
Lucas Perez – Arsenal striker – £6m
Out
Steve Mandanda – Crystal Palace goalkeeper – Bramble
Matteo Darmian – Manchester United defender – free
Jeremy Pied – Southampton defender – free
Lewis Cook – Bournemouth midfielder – free
Formation: 3-5-2 Remaining budget: £19.5m
Second transfer window – Friday 10 February 2017 (7th)
In
Lee Grant – Stoke goalkeeper – £0.5m
Sebastian Prodl – Watford defender – £2m
Jay Rodriguez – Southampton striker – £17m
Out
Bill Cosby – HMP Kenna goalkeeper – free
Martin Kelly – Crystal Palace defender – free
Lucas Perez – Arsenal striker – free
Season preview in one sentence: Creativity in midfield, but severely limited striking options and the Scottish Cafu in defence will leave title challenge hopes stranded in the bush.
Mignolet, S
LIV
£ 6.00
Taylor, N
SWA
£ 0.50
Mangala, E
MCY
£ 0.50
Rosenior, L
HUL
£ 0.50
Hutton, A
AVL
£ 0.50
Barkley, R
EVE
£ 10.00
Oxlade-Chamberlain, A
ARS
£ 10.00
Hazard, E
CHE
£ 23.00
Amalfitano, M (TW2)
WHU
£ 0.50
Falcao, R (TW1)
MUN
£ 9.00
Cisse, P (TW1)
NEW
£ 8.00
£ 68.00m
First transfer window – Friday 17 October 2014
In
Falcao – striker, MUN – £9m
Papiss Cisse – striker, NEW – £8m
Out Murray, G – striker, CRY – £0m Nugent, D – striker, LEI – £0m
Outlook (on 12 September 2013): With only one Turkey of the Month award to his name, the Hairy Fadjeetas manager still has it all to prove at club level. His most successful efforts have been on the international stage, where he collected a runners up medal in the Dr Khumalo 2010 World Cup, but most notably took charge of the league Twitter account during the Emmanuel Olisadebe 2012 Euros. The chairman has given his word that should the league realise the dream of owning premises in St James’s there will always be a place on the billiard room wall for the resounding description of The Horn of Africa manager throwing in the towel halfway through an auction and the moment 10 minutes later when he picked it up again.
His place on the committee under threat with the swift decline of tweeting entire auctions, the Fadges manager manned the Skype business during last month’s all day bonanza. While administering bids from such exotic climes as Valencia and Bournemouth, for his own team the manager kept it simple and went big on two players already justifying their £30m+ price tag: Robert Soldado and Edin Hazard (league ball boys have been placed on high alert). As for the rest of team, it appears to be a mixture of dwindling roles (Hernandez, Grandin, Gouffran) and plodding performance (Marshall, Turner, Jarvis). Once Nastasic returns from injury, he’ll join Kolo Toure, Ron Vlaar, Soldado and Hazard as the team’s mainstays. Will this be enough to drag the Hairy Fadjeetas manager out of the hall of infame?
Outlook: Up there amongst the best all-time Brambles when the hapless Marouane Chamakh replaced £33m Carlos Tevez, but the Fadges boss recovered well to bring some solid purchases to the club’s Bikini Lane stadium. Paid through the nose for Eden Hazard, but on the evidence of the first game he looks an exciting prospect. Manager yet to prove himself in the domestic arena.
