Young Boys of Vauxhall 2017/18

Denney
Don’t mention the war: The Young Boys manager

Manager: Denney (Wales)

Twitter name@andenney

Since: 2007

Home ground: Yewtree Lane

Training facility: Fiddler’s Harris

Trophy cabinet: Champions 2010/11 and 2015/16, Canesten Combi Cup winners 2008/09

Form
2007/08 – 5th
2008/09 – 3rd (cup winners)
2009/10 – 2nd
2010/11 – 1st (champions)
2011/12 – 4th
2013/14 – 16th
2014/15 – 6th
2015/16 – 1st (champions)
2016/17 – 12th

Sympathies: Spurs

Darts music: We Don’t Talk Anymore – Sir Cliff Richard

What the chalkstripes in Kenna HQ speculations department are saying: Manager attempts to bounce back from his disappointing title defence last season by signing three defensive midfield players and making Christian Benteke his second-most-expensive player – 35/1

Auction XI (3-4-3)
Remaining budget: £14.5M

Fabianski, L

SWA

£0.50

Cahill, G

CHE

£17.00

Nyom, A

WBA

£0.50

Bailly, E

MUN

£5.00

Ndidi, W

LEI

£0.50

Ward-Prowse, J

SOT

£0.50

Gradel, M

BOU

£0.50

Dier, E

TOT

£0.50

Benteke, C

CRY

£29.00

Jesus, G

MCY

£31.00

Joselu

STO

£0.50

£85.50

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Young Boys of Vauxhall 2016/17

Denney
Don’t mention the war: The Young Boys manager

Manager: Denney (Wales)

Twitter name@andenney

Since: 2007

Home ground: Yewtree Lane

Training facility: Fiddler’s Harris

Trophy cabinet: Champions 2010/11 and 2015/16, Canesten Combi Cup winners 2008/09

Kenna Index rating: 0.3 – 4th
2007/08 – 5th
2008/09 – 3rd (cup winners)
2009/10 – 2nd
2010/11 – 1st (champions)
2011/12 – 4th
2013/14 – 16th
2014/15 – 6th
2015/16 – 1st (champions)

Sympathies: Spurs

Darts music: We Don’t Talk Anymore – Sir Cliff Richard

Starting XI – August auction

Lloris, H TOT £ 15.00
Azpilicueta, C CHE £ 17.00
Baines, L (sold TW1) EVE £ 12.00
Valencia, A MUN £ 7.00
van Aanholt, P SUN £ 10.00
Kolarov, A MCY £ 0.50
Savile, J (sold TW1) HMP Kenna £ 12.50
Bolasie, Y (sold TW2) CRY £ 9.00
Routledge, W (sold TW1) SWA £ 0.50
Phillips, M WBA £ 2.00
Rhodes, J (sold TW1) MID £ 0.50
£ 86.00

First transfer window – Friday 7 October 2016 (8th)

In
Steven Defour – Burnley midfielder – £5m
Roberto Pereyra – Watford midfielder – £9m
Islam Slimani – Leicester City striker – £13m
Adama Diomande – Hull striker – £10m

Out
Leighton Baines – Everton defender – sold for £18m to Bala Rinas
Jimmy Savile – HMP Kenna midfielder – free
Wayne Routledge – Swansea midfielder -free
Jordan Rhodes – Middlesborough striker – free

Formation: 4-4-2
Remaining budget: none

Second transfer window – Friday 10 February 2017 (5th)

In
Robbie Brady – Burnley midfielder – £2m
Ibrahim Affelay – Stoke midfielder – £2m
Oumar Niasse – Hull midfielder – £0.5m
Ademola Lookman – Everton striker – £0.5m

Out
Steven Defour – Burnley midfielder – free
Roberto Pereyra – Watford midfielder – free
Yannick Bolasie – Everton midfielder – free
Adama Diomande – Hull striker – free

Formation: 4-4-2
Remaining budget: £5m

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Democratic Republic of Young Boys

Manager: Denney

Nationality: Le Moutons Baiseur

International honours: none

Formation: 3-4-3

Casillas, I ESP £10m
Bonucci, L ITA £15m
Denayer, J BEL £1m
Rat, R RMN £0.5m
Blaszczykowski, J POL £3m
Schweinsteiger, B GER £0.5m
Mario, J POT £0.5m
Harnik, M AUT £0.5m
Rooney, W ENG £29m
Giroud, O FRA £34m
Nemec, A SVK £0.5m
£94.5m
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Young Boys of Vauxhall 2015/16

Denney
Quenelle: The Young Boys manager

Manager: Denney (Wales)

Twitter name@andenney

Since: 2007

Home ground: Yewtree Lane

Training facility: Fiddler’s Harris

Trophy cabinet: Champions 2010/11, Canesten Combi Cup winners 2008/09

Kenna Index rating: 0.3 – 4th
2007/08 – 5th
2008/09 – 3rd
2009/10 – 2nd
2010/11 – 1st
2011/12 – 4th
2013/14 – 16th
2014/15 – 6th

Sympathies: Spurs

Darts music: We Don’t Talk Anymore – Sir Cliff Richard

Season preview in one sentence (on 26 August): Pedro, Mahrez, Lukaku and Lens have all started the season in fine fettle, but question marks hang over John Terry and Diafra Sakho for all the wrong reasons.

Forster, F (TW2) SOT  £                ?m
Dawson, C (TW1) WBA  £             8m
Monreal, N ARS  £                0.5m
Wimmer, K (TW2) TOT  £                ?m
Smalling, C MUN  £                6m
Ibe, J (TW2) LIV  £                ?m
Pugh, M (TW2) BOU  £             ?m
Mahrez, R LEI  £                5m
Lens, J SUN  £                0.5m
Lukaku, R EVE  £             30m
Emenike, E (TW2) WHM  £             ?m
     £             ?m

First transfer window – Friday 2 October 2015

In
Dawson, C – West Brom defender – £8m

Out
Terry, J – Chelsea defender – £0.5m (to Cowley Casuals)

Remaining budget: £3.5m

Second transfer window – Friday 5 February 2016

In
Forster, F – Southampton goalkeeper – £?m
Wimmer, K – Tottenham defender – £?m
Ibe, J – Liverpool midfielder – £?m
Pugh, M – Bournemouth midfielder – £?m
Emenike, E – West Ham striker – £?m

Out
Stekelenburg, M – Southampton goalkeeper – free
Zabaleta, P – Manchester City defender – free
Grealish, J – Aston Villa midfielder – free
Pedro – Chelsea midfielder – free
Sakho, D – West Ham striker – free

Remaining budget: £?m

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Young Boys of Vauxhall 2014/15

Denney
Far quenelle: The Young Boys manager

Manager: Denney (Wales)

Twitter name@andenney

Since: 2006

Last season: 16th

Trohpy cabinet: Champions 2010/11, Canesten Combi Cup winners 2008/09

Sympathies: Spurs

Darts music: We Don’t Talk Anymore – Sir Cliff Richard

Season preview in one sentence: Accomplished back five – should Don Vito get a starting berth – but flimsy going forward and unlikely to be able to do it on a cold, wet Tuesday night in Stoke.

Ospina, D (TW2) ARS  £                6.00
Baines, L EVE  £                5.00
Vertonghen, J (TW2) TOT  £              10.00
Kolarov, A MCY  £                5.00
Terry, J CHE  £             17.00
Moses, V (TW1) STO  £                0.50
Sigurdsson, G SWA  £             10.00
Elia, E (TW2) SOT  £                2.00
Boyd, G (TW2) BUR  £                0.50
Austin, C (TW1) QPR  £                0.50
Sturridge, D (TW2) LIV  £                0.50
     £                96m

First transfer window – Friday 17 October 2014

In
Richardson, K – defender, AVL – £5m
Moses, V – midfielder, STO – £0.5m
Tiote, C – midfielder, NEW – £0.5m
Austin, C – striker, QPR – £0.5m
Balotelli, M – striker, LIV – £1m

Out
Jones, P – defender, MUN – £0.5m
Markovic, L – midfielder, LIV – £0m
Hoilett, J – midfielder, QPR – £0m
Krkic, B – striker, STO – £0m
Riviere, E – striker, NEW – £0m

Remaining budget: £12m

Second transfer window – Saturday 7 February 2015

In
Ospina, D – goalkeeper, ARS – £6m
Vertonghen, J – defender, TOT – £10m
Elia, E – midfielder, SOT – £2m
Boyd, G – midfielder, BUR – £0.5m
Sturridge, D – striker, LIV – £2m

Out
Mannone, V – goalkeeper, SUN – £0m

Richardson, K – defender, AVL – £0.5m
Arteta, M – midfielder, ARS – £0m
Tiote, C – midfielder, NEW – £0m
Balotelli, M – striker, LIV – £0m

Remaining budget: £1m

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Young Brazilian Boys (Where’s Neymar?)

Manager: Denney

Nationality: Welsh (definitely not Belgian)

International honours: none

Neuer, M – GER – GK  £11.00 
Rojo, M – ARG – DEF  £0.50 
Alderweireld, T – BEL – DEF  £0.50 
Azpilicueta, C – ESP – DEF  £0.50 
Pereira, A – URU – DEF  £0.50 
Montero, J – ECU – MID  £0.50 
Vidal, A – CHI – MID  £10.00 
Boateng, K – GHA – MID  £1.00 
Pjanic, M – BIH – MID  £0.50 
Eder – POR – STR  £37.50 
Gutierrez, T – COL – STR  £0.50 
 £63.00 
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Young Boys of Vauxhall 2013/14

Denney
Don’t mention the war: The Young Boys manager

Manager: Denney (Wales)

Twitter name: @andenney

Since: 2006

Last season: Did not enter

Trohpy cabinet: Champions 2010/11, Canesten Combi Cup winners 2008/09

Sympathies: Spurs

Darts music: Gentle Ben theme

Outlook (on 26 August 2013): Returning after a season-long layoff to focus on defending the club’s ambiguous name to the probings of Operation Yewtree , the Young Boys manager has lost a lot of the luck that made him one of the successful ever entrants in the Kenna.

In a near-copycat predicament to the Spartak Mogadishu Luka Modric fiasco last summer, £25m signing Gareth Bale is all but set to move to sunnier climes, while dark clouds have gathered over £17m Nicolas Anelka, whose future even as a player hangs in the balance. There’s no more joy in the rest of team, where Vincent Kompany and Nathan Baker both face lengthy periods on the treatment table.

Known as ‘Gentle Den’ at the club for his patented arm-round-the-shoulder approach to teasing the best out of his team of Young Boys, the manager will have get to work quickly on the remaining members if he wants to put together a credible challenge this season:  Jonathan Walters has already started his campaign with a trademark missed penalty.

However, it’s common knowledge that behind the avuncular exterior lies a rigid disciplinarian, and come previous transfer windows those otherwise performing well have been culled for not meeting the manager’s unique demands, often to the detriment of the club’s title chances (this was sadly before the Kenna was so extensively chronicled on these pages).

For legal reasons, former players have always declined to speak of their experiences breaching the club’s strict code of conduct. Scotland Yard may have cleared him for now, but the Young Boys manager has never been able to shake the stories of cold showers, plastic cable ties and a scoutmaster’s uniform.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tsaFjefpjJM&w=420&h=315]

Cech, P CHE £16m
Demichelis, M MCY £0.5m
Santon, D NEW £5m
Evra, P MUN £11m
Flanagan, J LIV £0.5m
Holtby, L FUL £0.5m
Brady, R HUL £1m
Ireland, S STO £0.5m
Delph, F AVL £0.5m
Adebayor, E TOT £14m
Traore, L EVE £0.5m
£50m

First transfer window – 5 October 2013

Starting budget: £11m, remaining budget: £14.5m, net profit: £2.5m

(Hyperlink denotes to which club players were sold)

Out In      
Pos Player Team Sold Pos Player Team Paid
DEF Kompany, V MCY £5m DEF De Michaelis, M MCY £0.5m
MID Bale, G RMA Free MID Redmond, N NOR £0.5m
MID Rosicky, T ARS Free MID Harris, R YEW £1.0m
MID Ramirez, G SOT £0.5m MID Townsend, A TOT £0.5m
STR Walters, J STO £0.5m STR Aluko, S HUL £0.5m

Second transfer window

Out In      
Pos Player Team Sold Pos Player Team Paid
DEF Baker, N AVL Free DEF Flanagan, J LIV £0.5m
MID Harris, R YEW Free MID Holtby, L FUL £0.5m
MID Townsend, A TOT £1.5m MID Brady, R HUL £1.0m
MID Kim CAR Free MID Ireland, S STO £0.5m
MID Redmond, N NOR £0.5m STR Delph, F AVL £0.5m
STR Anelka, N WBA Free STR Adebayor, E TOT £14m
STR Aluko, S HUL Free STR Traore, L EVE £0.5m
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Bwing on the Euwos

Manager: Denney

Nationality: Wales

Domestic club side: Young Boys of Kilburn

Tournament history:

  • Doctor Khumalo 2010 World Cup: 5th (out of 15)
  • John Jensen 2008 Euros: 4th (out of eight)

4-4-2

Buffon, G Italy £19m
Ramos, S Spain £20m
Cole, A England £14m
Kadlec, M Czech Republic £10m
Anyukov, A Russia £10m
Mandžukic, M Croatia £14m
Blaszczykowski, J Poland £3m
Elm, R Sweden £0.5m
Götze, M Germany £0.5m
Ben Arfa, H France £0.5m
Kuyt, D Holland £8m
Total £99.5m
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Young Boys of Kilburn (second window)

Manager: Mr Andrew Denney (WAL)

Since: 2006

Trophy cabinet: league 2011

Sympathies: Spurs

Given, S AVL £8m
Kompany, V MCY £27m
Ferdinand, R MUN £0.5m
Cole, A CHE £28.5m
Taiwo, T QPR £0.5m
Gomez, J WIG £1m
Reo-Coker, N BOL £0.5m
Cabaye, Y NEW £0.5m
Chamberlain, A ARS £15m
Jelavic, N EVE £0.5m
Walters, J STO £15m
    £97m
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Young Boys of Kilburn (first window)

Manager: Mr Andrew Denney (WAL)

Since: 2006

Trohpy cabinet: league 2011

Sympathies: Spurs

Given, S AVL £8m
Kompany, V MCY £27m
Ferdinand, R MUN £0.5m
Cole, A CHE £28.5m
Ferdinand, A QPR £0.5m
O’Hara, J WLV £5m
Reo-Coker, N BOL £0.5m
Cabaye, Y NEW £0.5m
Diame, M WIG £0.5m
Gervinho ARS £12m
Walters, J STO £15m
£98m
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