Pikey Scum 2017/18

Jack
Solitary cup win: The Pikey Scum manager

Manager: Jack (Hampshire)

Since: 2005 (co-founder and committee member – charts and graphs)

Home ground: South Hackney Caravan Park

Training facility: Any patch of grass that riles local residents

Trophy cabinet: Canesten Combi Cup winner 2008, Narcozep Cup winner 2016, Claudio Caniggia World Cup 2006 winner (under review)

Form
2005/06 – 7th
2007/08 – 8th
2008/09 – 8th
2009/10 – 7th
2010/11 – 5th
2011/12 – 7th
2012/13 – 15th
2013/14 – 5th
2014/15 – 13th
2015/16 – 6th
2016/17 – 18th

Sympathies: Spurs

Darts musicI’m A Pikey – Enrique Iglesias

What the chalkstripes in Kenna HQ speculations department are saying: Oh dear, would you look at that midfield, and £8m on Bravo. There are some things even Harry Kane can’t do – 66/1

Auction XI (3-4-3)
Remaining budget: £2m

Bravo, C MCY  £ 8.00
Azpilicueta, C CHE  £18.00
Lovren, D LIV  £5.00
Monreal, N ARS  £5.00
Dunk, L BTN  £2.00
Townsend, A CRY  £3.00
Ayew, A WHM  £1.00
Shelvey, J NEW  £0.50
Albrighton, M LEI  £0.50
Rashford, M MUN  £15.00
Kane, H TOT  £40.00
     £98.00
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Pikey Scum 2016/17

Jack
Cup specialist: The Pikey Scum manager

Manager: Jack (Hampshire)

Since: 2005 (co-founder and committee member – charts and graphs)

Home ground: South Hackney Caravan Park

Training facility: Any patch of grass that riles local residents

Trophy cabinet: Canesten Combi Cup winner 2008, Narcozep Cup winner 2016, Claudio Caniggia World Cup 2006 winner (under review)

Kenna Index rating: 0.564 – 12th
2005/06 – 7th
2007/08 – 8th
2008/09 – 8th
2009/10 – 7th
2010/11 – 5th
2011/12 – 7th
2012/13 – 15th
2013/14 – 5th
2014/15 – 13th
2015/16 – 6th

Sympathies: Spurs

Darts musicI’m A Pikey – Enrique Iglesias

Remaining budget: £9.5m (did not attend auction, average remaining budget of manager who did)

Starting XI – August auction

Forster, F SOT £ 7.00
Ward, J CRY £ 0.50
Ayala, D (TW1) MID £ 0.50
Djilobodji, P SUN £ 0.50
Depay, M (TW1) MUN £ 0.50
Stanislas, J BOU £ 0.50
Gundogan, I MCY £ 0.50
Feghouli, S (TW1) WHM £ 0.50
Chadli, N WBA £ 0.50
Origi, D LIV £ 0.50
Okazaki, S (TW1) LEI £ 0.50
£ 12.00

First transfer window – Friday 7 October 2016 (17th)

In
Ben Mee – Burnley defender – £4m
Curtis Davies – Hull defender – £5m
Demarai Gray – Leicester City midfielder – £0.5m
Vincent Janssen – Spurs striker – £0.5m (bought from Two Goals One Cup)

Out
Daniel Ayala – Middlesborough defender – free
Memphis Depay – Manchester United midfielder – free
Sofiane Feghouli – West Ham midfielder – free
Shinji Okazaki – Leicester City striker – free

Formation: 4-4-2
Remaining budget: £4.5m

Second transfer window – Friday 10 February 2017

No changes.

Remaining budget: £4.5m

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Up Yours Delors

Manager: Jack

Nationality: Le Rosbif

International honours: 2006 Claudio Canniggia World Champions

Formation: 4-4-2

Cech, P CZE £9m
Pique, G ESP £18m
Vertonghen, J BEL £10m
Glik, K POL £5m
Rami, A FRA £20m
Nani POT £13m
De Rossi, D ITA £1m
Lallana, A ENG £10m
Edwards, D WAL £10m
Walters, J IRL £0.5m
Seferovic, H SUI £3m
£99.5m

 

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Pikey Scum 2015/16

Jack
Solitary cup win: The Pikey Scum manager

Manager: Jack (Hampshire)

Since: 2005 (co-founder and committee member – charts and graphs)

Home ground: South Hackney Caravan Park

Training facility: Any patch of grass that riles local residents

Trophy cabinet: Canesten Combi Cup winner 2008, Claudio Caniggia World Cup 2006 win (under review)

Kenna Index rating: 0.564 – 12th
2005/06 – 7th
2007/08 – 8th
2008/09 – 8th
2009/10 – 7th
2010/11 – 5th
2011/12 – 7th
2012/13 – 15th
2013/14 – 5th
2014/15 – 13th

Sympathies: Spurs

Darts musicI’m A Pikey – Enrique Iglesias

Season preview in one sentence:

Elliot, R (TW2) NEW £?m
Reid, W WHM £4m
van Dijk, V (TW1) SOT £0.5m
Cameron, G (TW2) STO £?m
Koscielny, L ARS £10m
Sigurdsson, G SWA £12m
Lamela, E TOT £6m
Depay, M MUN £11m
Firmino, R LIV £18m
Adebayor, E (TW2) CRY £?m
Ighalo, O (TW1) WAT £20m
£?m

First transfer window – Friday 2 October 2015

In
McCarthy, A – Crystal Palace goalkeeper – £8m
van Dijk, V – Southampton defender – £0.5m
Ighalo, O – Watford striker – £20m

Out
Foster, B – West Brom goalkeeper – free
Pearson, J – Bramble defender – free
Ulloa, L – Leicester striker – free

Remaining budget: £1m

Second transfer window – Friday 5 February 2016

In
Elliot, R – Newcastle goalkeeper – £?m
Cameron, G – Stoke defender – £?m
Adebayor, E – Crystal Palace striker – £?m

Out
McCarthy, A – Crystal Palace goalkeeper – free
Cahill, G – Chelsea defender – free
Diouf, M – Stoke striker – free

Remaining budget: £?m

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Pikey Scum 2014/15

Jack
Solitary cup win: The Pikey Scum manager

Manager: Jack (Hampshire)

Since: 2005 (co-founder and committee member – charts and graphs)

Last season: 5th

Trophy cabinet: Canesten Combi Cup winner 2008, Claudio Caniggia World Cup 2006 win (under review)

Sympathies: Spurs

Darts musicI’m A Pikey – Enrique Iglesias

Season preview in one sentence: The Scum boss auctioned well, picking up a mixture of appearances and goals, so now is the time to knuckle down and avoid any ambiguous career discussions with his Nigerian striker.

Hart, J MCY  £10.00 
Clyne, N SOT  £4.00 
Bellerin, H (TW2) ARS  £5.00 
Konchesky, P (TW1) LEI  £0.50 
Rojo, M (TW1) MUN  £6.00 
Mirallas, K EVE  £13.00 
McManaman, C (TW2) WBA  £4.00 
Dembele, M (TW2) TOT  £5.00 
Markovic, L (TW2) LIV  £4.00 
Costa, D CHE  £36.00 
Gayle, D (TW2) CRY  £6.00 
 £93.50m

First transfer window – Friday 17 October 2014

In
Pocognoli, S – defender, WBA – £0.50m
Konchesky – defender, LEI – £0.50m
Rojo – defender, MUN – £6m
Coquelin – midfielder, ARS – £10m (Bramble player)
Diame, M – midfielder, HUL – £6m
Crouch, P – striker, STO – £0.50m

Out
Collins, J – defender, WHU – £0m
Walker, K – defender, TOT – £0m
Santon, D – defender, NEW – £0m
Ozil – midfielder, ARS – £0.5m
Valencia, A – midfielder, MUN – £0m
Odemwingie – striker, STO, – £0m

Remaining budget: 10m

Second transfer window – Saturday 7 February 2015

In
Bellerin, H – defender, ARS – £5m
McManaman, C – midfielder, WBA – £4m
Dembele, M – midfielder, TOT – £5m
Markovic, L – midfielder, LIV – £4m
Gayle, D – striker, CRY – £6m

Out
Pocognoli, S – defender, WBA – £0m
Coquelin, F – midfielder, ARS – £0m
Diame, M – midfielder, HUL – £0m
Allen, J – midfielder, LIV – £0m
Crouch, P – striker, STO – £0m

Remaining budget: £0m

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Christopher Samba School

Manager: Jack

Nationality: English

International honours: 2006 Claudio Caniggia World Cup winner

Bravo, C – CHI – GK  £3.00 
Jagielka, P – ENG – DEF  £9.00 
Mertesacker, P – GER – DEF  £10.00 
Rodriguez, F – MEX – DEF  £11.00 
Pepe – POR – DEF  £3.00 
Paulinho – BRA – MID  £1.00 
De Rossi, D – ITA – MID  £10.00 
Rodriguez, C – URU – MID  £5.00 
Kagawa, S – JPN – MID  £2.00 
Torres, F – ESP – STR  £5.00 
Aguero, S – ARG – STR  £30.00 
 £89.00 
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Pikey Scum 2013/14

Jack
Solitary cup win: The Pikey Scum manager

Manager: Jack (Hampshire)

Since: 2005 (co-founder and committee member – charts and graphs)

Last season: 15th

Trophy cabinet: Canesten Combi Cup winner 2008, Claudio Caniggia World Cup 2006 win (under review)

Sympathies: Spurs

Darts music: I’m A Pikey – Enrique Iglesias

Outlook (on 29 August 2013): A true workhorse on the Kenna committee in producing the weekly spreadsheet, the Pikey Scum manager’s struggle to translate his enthusiasm for the league into success on the pitch has driven him to a cider-only diet. Since the validity of his 2006 World Cup tournament victory was called into question during last year’s ‘Kenna in the bag’ inquiry, a solitary Canesten Combi Cup win in 2008 is all to be found in the manager’s trophy cabinet. League form in particular is poor. The Hampshire man has languished in mid-table obscurity throughout his Kenna career.

Could he overcome eight hours on the jungle juice and use the auction to improve this season? Certainly Sturridge and Lambert are the most fashionable English strike partnership since Shearer and Owen, both scousers have started the campaign scoring goals. Joe Cole is enjoying a renaissance in east London, but how long until his familiar foes of injury and form catch up? Carrick, Sandro and Morrison are regular starters, yet workaday. More spectacular are Clichy, Azpilicueta and Jenkinson coming forward.

The Pikey Scum manager has been here before though: exciting prospects but he never can quite motivate them into a unit capable of winning the Kenna. Three Manager of the Month awards in seven years: must be the cider.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WfYT_8DnMpc&w=420&h=315]

Ruddy, J NOR £4.5m
Clichy, G MCY £19m
Shawcross, R STO £15m
Parr, J CRY £0.5m
Koscielny, L ARS £2.5m
Morrison, J WBA £9m
Elmohamady, A HUL £0.5m
Willian CHE £10m
Cole, J WHM £0.5m
Sturridge, D LIV £38m
Lambert, R SOT £4.5m
£104m

First transfer window – 5 October 2013

Starting budget: £12m, remaining budget: £2.5m, net loss: £9.5m

(Hyperlink denotes from/to which club players were bought/sold)

Out       In      
POS Player Team Sold POS Player Team Paid
DEF Azpilicueta, C CHE Free DEF Senderos, P FUL £2m
DEF Jenkinson, C ARS £0.5m DEF Koscielny, L ARS £2.5m
MID Sandro TOT Free MID Lamela, E TOT £5.5m

Second transfer window – 7 February 2014

Out       In      
POS Player Team Sold POS Player Team Paid
DEF Senderos, P VAL Free DEF Parr, J CRY £0.5m
DEF Cole, J WHU Free MID Elmohamady, A HUL £0.5m
MID Carrick, M MUN Free MID Willian CHE £10m
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Pikey Scum

Manager: Jack (Hampshire)

Since: 2005 (co-founder and committee member – charts and graphs)

Last season: 9th

Trophy cabinet: Cup at some point (best league finish – 5th in 2010/11), 2006 Claudio Caniggia World Cup winner

Sympathies: Spurs

Darts music: I’m A Pikey – Enrique Iglesias

Outlook: With the exception of £8m Stewart Downing, the Pikey manager seems to have assembled a side capable of making a first successful assault on the title. Will have a tough decision come the first transfer window, when he’ll have to jettison either Bale or Adebayor

No Brambles.

Vorm, M SWA £9.5m
Jones, P MUN £12m
Huth, R STO £5m
Cahill, G CHE £7.5m
Boyce, E WIG £0.5m
Allen, J LIV £10m
Walcott, T ARS £15m
Granero, E APR £0.5m
Brunt, C WBA £4m
Anichebe, V EVE £5m
Fletcher, S SUN £30m
 Total £99m

Second transfer window – 1 February 2013

Out     In
De Ridder, S (B) SOT £15m Allen, J LIV £10m
El Ahmadi, K AVL £3m Granero, E QPR £0.5m
Pogrebnyak, P REA £8.5m Anichebe, V EVE £5m

First transfer window – 26 October 2012

Out     In
de Gea, D MUN £19m Vorm, M SWA £9.5m
Sagna, B ARS £11m Jones, P MUN £12m
Bale, G TOT £30m De Ridder, S (B) SOT £15m
Downing, S LIV £8m Walcott, T ARS £15m
Adebayor, E TOT £0.5m Fletcher, S SUN £30m
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Pikey Scum (second window)

Manager: Mr Jack Bowley

Since: 2005 (founder member)

Trophy cabinet: Cup at some point

Sympathies: Spurs

Sorensen, T STO £0.5m
Evra, P MUN £18.5m
Johnson, G LIV £0.5m
Richards, M MCY £8.5m
Bassong, S WLV £0.5m
Drenthe, R EVE £1m
Gutierrez, J NEW £2.5m
Eagles, C BOL £1.5m
Meireles, R CHE £0.5m
Adebayor, E TOT £43m
Cisse, D QPR £13m
£90m
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Pikey Scum (first window)

Manager: Mr Jack Bowley

Since: 2005 (founder member)

Trophy cabinet: Cup at some point

Sympathies: Spurs

Begovic, A STO £0.5m
Evra, P MUN £18.5m
Johnson, G LIV £0.5m
Richards, M MCY £8.5m
Santos, A ARS £0.5m
Bannan, B AVL £6.5m
Gutierrez, J NEW £2.5m
Eagles, C BOL £1.5m
Meireles, R CHE £0.5m
Adebayor, E TOT £43m
Bendtner, N SUN £13m
£95.5m
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