Thieving Magpies 2017/18

Phil profile pic
England till he dies: ‘Pies manager

Manager: Phil (Wolverhampton)

Twitter name@PhillyD55

Since: 2005 (co founder)

Home ground: Tinfoil Street

Training facility: The Wheelbarrow

Trophy cabinet: 2016/17 league winner

Form
2005/06 – 3rd
2006/07 – 2nd
2007/08 – 11th
2008/09 – 5th
2009/10 – 11th
2010/11 – 7th
2011/12 – 18th (relegated)
2012/13 – 4th
2013/14 – 2nd
2014/15 – 14th
2015/16 – 9th
2016/17 – 1st

Sympathies: Notts County

Darts musicThe Great Escape – the England Band

What the chalkstripes in Kenna HQ speculations department are saying: If the ‘Pies boss is the first manager to successfully defend the Kenna he’ll be relying heavily on injury-free seasons from physio table regulars Vincent Kompany, Chris Smalling and Daniel Sturridge – 12/1

Auction XI – 3-4-3
Remaining budget: £1m

Gomes, H WAT  £1.00
Kompany, V MCY  £10.00
Smalling, C MUN  £0.50
Cresswell, A WHM  £0.50
Sigurdsson, G SWA  £18.00
Mahrez, R LEI  £16.00
Knockaert, A BTN  £9.00
Mirallas, K EVE  £2.00
Sturridge, D LIV  £21.00
Wilson, C BOU  £6.00
Giroud, O ARS  £15.00
     £99.00
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Thieving Magpies 2016/17

Phil profile pic
England till he dies: Piedmonte manager

Manager: Phil (Wolverhampton)

Twitter name@PhillyD55

Since: 2005 (co founder)

Home ground: Tinfoil Street

Training facility: The Wheelbarrow

Trophy cabinet: empty

Kenna Index rating: 0.519 – 11th
2005/06 – 3rd
2006/07 – 2nd
2007/08 – 11th
2008/09 – 5th
2009/10 – 11th
2010/11 – 7th
2011/12 – 18th (relegated)
2012/13 – 4th
2013/14 – 2nd
2014/15 – 14th
2015/16 – 9th

Sympathies: Notts County

Darts musicThe Great Escape – the England Band

Starting XI – August auction

Vorm, M (TW1) TOT £0.50
Smalling, C MUN £9.00
Jagielka, P EVE £7.00
Francis, S BOU £5.00
Payet, D WHM £28.00
Sanchez, A ARS £29.00
Toure, Y MCY £5.00
Lallana, A (TW2) LIV £2.00
Pedro CHE £2.00
Rondon, S WBA £8.00
Vokes, S BUR £0.50
£96.00

First transfer window – Friday 7 October 2016 (2nd)

In
Eldin Jakupovic – Burnley goalkeeper – £3m

Out
Michel Vorm – Spurs goalkeeper – free

Formation: 3-5-2
Remaining budget: £6m

Second transfer window – Friday 10 February 2017 (1st)

In
Niang – Watford striker – £2m

Out
Adam Lallana – Liverpool midfielder – free

Formation: 3-4-4
Remaining budget: £14m

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Thieving Magpies 2015/16

Phil profile pic
England till he dies: Thieving Magpies manager

Manager: Phil (Wolverhampton)

Twitter name@PhillyD55

Since: 2005 (co founder)

Home ground: Tinfoil Street

Training facility: The Wheelbarrow

Trophy cabinet: empty

Kenna Index rating: 0.519 – 11th
2005/06 – 3rd
2006/07 – 2nd
2007/08 – 11th
2008/09 – 5th
2009/10 – 11th
2010/11 – 7th
2011/12 – 18th (relegated)
2012/13 – 4th
2013/14 – 2nd
2014/15 – 14th

Sympathies: Notts County

Darts musicThe Great Escape – the England Band

Season preview in one sentence (on 29 August): Is this enough to finally break his duck?

Hart, J MCY £ 10m
Lescott, J (TW2) AVL £ ?m
Johnson, G STO £ 7m
Clyne, N LIV £ 12m
Fuchs, C (TW2) LEI £ ?m
Bolasie, Y CRY £ 8m
Ox-Chamberlain, A ARS £ 10m
Noble, M (TW1) WHU £ 10m
Eriksen, C TOT £ 17m
Afobe, B (TW2) BOU £ ?m
Kone, A (TW1) EVE £ 0.5m
£ ?m

First transfer window – Friday 2 October 2015

In
Naughton, K – Swansea defender – £0.5m
Noble, M – West Ham midfielder – £10m
Kone, A – Everton striker – £0.5m

Out
Baines, L – Everton defender – free
Fellaini, M – Manchester United midfielder – free
Wilson, C – Bournemouth striker – free

Remaining budget: £10.5m

Second transfer window – Friday 5 February 2016

In
Lescott, J – Aston Villa defender – £?m
Fuchs, C – Leicester defender – £?m
Afobe, B – Bournemouth striker – £?m

Out
Naughton, K – Swansea defender – free
Amavi, J – Aston Villa defender – free
Falcao, R – Chelsea striker – free

Remaining budget: £?m

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Piedmonte 2014/15

Phil profile pic
England till he dies: Piedmonte manager

Manager: Phil (Wolverhampton)

Twitter name@PhillyD55

Since: 2005 (co-founder)

Last season: Runner up

Trophy cabinet: Empty (best finish – 2nd in 2006/07 and last season)

Sympathies: Notts County

Darts musicThe Great Escape – the England Band

Season preview in one sentence: The two-time runner up no-time winner has attempted to shed his ‘always the bridesmaid’ tag by signing Andros Townsend again: will the Piedmonte manager ever learn?

Krul, T NEW  £0.50 
Azpilicueta, C CHE  £11.00 
Mertesacker, P ARS  £10.00 
O’Shea, J SUN  £5.00 
Sagna, B MCY  £7.00 
Gerrard, S LIV  £18.00 
Pienaar, S EVE  £2.00 
Shelvey, J SWA  £6.00 
Townsend, A TOT  £0.50 
Valencia, E WHM  £8.00 
Hernandez, A (TW1) HUL  £0.50 
 £68.50m 

First transfer window – Friday 17 October 2014

In
Abel Hernandez – striker, HUL – £0.5m

Out
Loic Remy – striker, CHE – £0m

Remaining budget: £26.5m

Second transfer window – Saturday 7 February 2015

No transfers.

Remaining budget: £26.5m

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The Man From Piedmonte

Manager: Phil

Nationality: England

International honours: none

Patricio, R – POR – GK  £0.50 
Baines, L – ENG – DEF  £15.00 
Evra, P – FRA – DEF  £9.00 
Vertonghen, J – BEL – DEF  £10.00 
Lahm, P – GER – DEF  £13.00 
Pirlo, A – ITA – MID  £13.00 
Toure, Y – CIV – MID  £21.00 
Fabregas, C – ESP – MID  £7.00 
Valencia, A – ECU – MID  £0.50 
Dzeko, E – BIH – STR  £9.00 
Hernandez, J – MEX – STR  £0.50 
 £98.50 
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Piedmonte 2013/14

Phil profile pic
England till he dies: The Piedmonte manager

Manager: Phil (Wolverhampton)

Twitter name: @PhillyD55

Since: 2005 (co-founder)

Last season: 4th

Trophy cabinet: Empty (best finish – 2nd in 2006/07)

Sympathies: Notts County

Darts music: The Great Escape – the England Band

Outlook (on 19 September): Commitments on the south coast meant the Piedmonte manager was unable to attend last month’s auction in person. Instead he joined proceedings by Skype over three hours into the bidding. Unenviable, considering this would be his ninth tilt at the Kenna hindered by an unhealthy preoccupation with signing English players. As such his trophy cabinet’s emptier than a pint of Carling is of flavour. He joins the Newington Reds manager on dismal figures of just two podium finishes in eight seasons.

Removed from the absurdity of The Roebuck’s upstairs bar, the Piedmonte manager appears to have overcome his prejudice, buying just five players who hail from the green and pleasant land, although how pleasant the changing rooms will be after a mid-match visit from Jason Puncheon is up for debate. The rest of the team is made up of a German, a Welshman, a Norwegian, a Frenchman, a Togolese and an Irishman. The manager must be asking himself if all these Johnny Foreigners be able to play in a rigid 4-4-2 system reliant on long ball? Or will they just be a bad, uncoordinated, out-of-tune joke?

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjVd54E2e_U&w=420&h=315]

Krul, T NEW  £9m
Jagielka, P EVE  £17m
Davies, B SWA  £7m
Jones, P MUN  £17m
Hangeland, B FUL  £10m
Gerrard, S LIV  £10m
Noble, M WHM  £7.5m
Townsend, A TOT  £1.5m
Puncheon, J CRY  £3m
Long, S HUL  £5m
Odemwingie, P STO  £5m
     £92m 

First transfer window – 5 October 2013

Starting budget: £8m, remaining budget: £7.5m, net loss: £0.5m

(Hyperlink denotes from which club player was bought)

Out       In      
Pos Player Team Sold Pos Player Team Paid
STR Adebayor, E TOT Free STR Walters, J STO £0.5m

Second transfer window – 7 February 2014

Out In
Position Player Team Sold Position Player Team Paid
MID Nasri, S MCY £2m MID Townsend, A TOT £1.5m
STR Walters, J STO £0.5m STR Odemwingie, P STO £5m
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Piedmonte

Manager: Phil (Wolverhampton)

Twitter name: @PhillyD55

Since: 2005 (co-founder)

Last season: 18th (relegated and sacked as manager of Thieving Magpies)

Trophy cabinet: Empty (best finish – 2nd in 2006/07)

Sympathies: Notts County

Darts music: The Wheelbarrow song

Outlook: After seven years without silverware the Wulfrunian was sacked in May after taking the Thieving Magpies down. Despite circumstances reaching dire levels during that last campaign, he found a job at Piedmonte and things now appear to be on the up. Frank Lampard is already two goals to the good and Adam Johnson’s has made a positive switch to Wearside. The manager has retained the services of Darren Bent up front – a surprising move.

(B) = player awarded under the Titus Bramble ruling

Begovic, A STO £0.5m
Johnson, G LIV £8m
Coloccini, F NEW £10m
Rafael MUN £2m
Dawson, M TOT £6m
Kebe, J REA £0.5m
Lampard, F CHE £16m
Milner, J MCY £0.5m
Johnson, A SUN £4.5m
Jelavic, N EVE £34m
Lambert, R SOT £13m
 Total £95m

Second transfer window – 1 February 2013

Out      In 
Mertesacker, P ARS £19m Dawson, M TOT £6m
Dyer, N SWA £10m Kebe, J REA £0.5m
Bent, D AVL £16m Jelavic, N EVE £34m

First transfer window – 26 October 2012

Out      In 
Green, R QPR £0.5m Begovic, A STO £0.5m
Tomkins, J WHM £3m Mertesacker, P ARS £19m
van der Vaart, R HAM £17m Milner, J MCY £0.5m
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