Judean Peoples’ Front 2016/17

Sholto profile pic
Cold-blooded killer: The Judean Peoples’ Front manager

Manager: Sholto (Wales)

Twitter name: @sholtoGH

Since: 2008

Home ground: Wetsuit Way

Training facility: The Island

Trophy cabinet: empty

Kenna Index rating: 0.411 – 6th
2007/08 – 11th
2009/10 – 6th
2011/12 – 9th
2012/13 – 3rd
2013/14 – 4th
2014/15 – 5th
2015/16 – 15th

Sympathies: Manchester United

Darts music: Dr Dre – Bang Bang

Starting XI – August auction

Cech, P ARS £ 14.00
Dawson, C WBA £ 6.00
Huth, R LEI £ 7.00
Otamendi, N (sold TW2) MCY £ 8.00
Zouma, K (sold TW2) CHE £ 0.50
Tadic, D SOT £ 16.00
Dembele,M TOT £ 0.50
Ramirez, G MID £ 4.00
Sturridge, D (sold TW2) LIV £ 21.00
Rooney, W (sold TW2) MUN £ 20.00
Diouf, M (sold TW2) STO £ 2.00
£ 99.00

First transfer window – Friday 7 October 2016 (10th)

No changes.

Formation: 4-3-3
Remaining budget: £1m

Second transfer window – Friday 10 February 2017 (21st)

In
Marcus Rojo – Man United defender – £12m
Pablo Zabaleta – Man City defender – £4m (from So Good They Named Him Twice)
Jack Rodwell – Sunderland midfielder – £0.5m (from Adam Johnson Fan Club)
Dieumerci Mbokani – Hull striker – £0.5m
Enner Valencia – Everton striker – £0.5m

Out
Nicolas Otamendi – Man City defender – free
Kurt Zouma – Chelsea defender – free
Daniel Sturridge – Liverpool striker – £8m (sold to Islington Sports Islam & Leisure)
Wayne Rooney – Manchester United striker – £0.5m (sold to Bala Rinas)
Mame Diouf – Stoke striker – free

Formation: 4-4-2
Remaining budget: £2m

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Jimmy De Gea’s U16s

Manager: Sholto

Nationality: Le Moutons Baiseur

International honours: none

Formation: 4-3-3

Pyatov, A UKR £0.5m
Hector, J GER £14m
Rose, D ENG £9m
Alderweireld, T BEL £13m
Granqvist, A SWE £2m
Matuidi, B FRA £4m
Fabregas, C ESP £9m
Silva, R POT £4m
El Shaarawy, S ITA £7m
Lewandowski, R POL £24m
Kokorin, A RUS £0.5m
£87m
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Judean Peoples’ Front 2015/16

Sholto profile pic
Cold-blooded killer: The Judean Peoples’ Front manager

Manager: Sholto (Wales)

Twitter name: @sholtoGH

Since: 2008

Home ground: Wetsuit Way

Training facility: The Island

Trophy cabinet: empty

Kenna Index rating: 0.411 – 6th
2007/08 – 11th
2009/10 – 6th
2011/12 – 9th
2012/13 – 3rd
2013/14 – 4th
2014/15 – 5th

Sympathies: Manchester United

Darts music: Dr Dre – Bang Bang

Season preview in one sentence: Despite the bluster, the Anders Breivik lookalike has assembled a side capable of another podium finish, unless he gets caught short at another transfer window.

Boruc, A (TW2) BOU £ ?m
Azpilicueta, C CHE £ 16.00
Skrtel, M LIV £ 9.00
Shawcross, R STO £ 1.00
Alderweireld, T TOT £ 3.00
Barkley, R EVE £ 10.00
Toure, Y MCY £ 20.00
M’Vila, Y (TW2) SUN £ ?m
Lingard, J (TW2) MUN £ ?m
Valencia, E (TW2) WHM £ ?m
Austin, C (TW2) SOT £ ?m
£ ?m

First transfer window – Friday 2 October 2015

No changes.

Remaining budget: £9.5m

Second transfer window – Friday 5 February 2016

In
Boruc, A – Bournemouth goalkeeper – £?m
M’Vila, Y – Sunderland midfielder – £?m
Lingard, J – Manchester United midfielder – £?m
Valencia, E – West Ham striker – £?m
Austin, C – Southampton striker – £?m

Out
Speroni, J – Crystal Palace goalkeeper – free
Cazorla, S – Arsenal midfielder – free
Herrera, A – Manchester United midfielder – free
Cisse, P – Newcastle striker – free
Rodriguez, J – Southampton striker – free

Remaining budget: £?m

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Judean Peoples’ Front 2014/15

Sholto profile pic
Cold-blooded killer: The Judean Peoples’ Front manager

Manager: Sholto (Wales)

Since: 2008

Last season: 4th

Trophy cabinet: empty (best finish – 3rd in 2012/13)

Sympathies: Manchester United

Darts musicSerial Killa – Snoop Doggy Dogg

Season preview in one sentence: How much 10th anniversary auction celebratory champagne must one drink before Victor Anichebe is considered a good signing?

Lloris, H TOT  £12.00 
Bertrand, R (TW1) SOT  £3.00 
Jones, P (TW1) MUN  £0.50 
Koscielny, L ARS  £17.00 
Vergini, S (TW1) SUN  £0.50 
Nasri, S (TW1) MCY  £5.00 
Oscar CHE  £15.00 
Henderson, J LIV  £5.00 
Zaha, W (TW2) CRY  £7.00 
Sakho, D (TW1) WHU  £3.00 
Jelavic, N (TW1) HUL  £5.00 
 £74.00 

First transfer window – Friday 17 October 2014

In
Ryan Bertrand – defender, SOT – £3m
Phil Jones – defender, MUN – £0.5m
Vergini – defender, SUN – £0.5m
Samir Nasri – midfielder, MCY – £5m
Sakho, D – striker, WHU – £3m
Jelavic, N – striker, HUL – £5m

Out
Curtis Davies – defender, HUL – £0m
Jonny Evans – defender, MUN – £0m
Steve Taylor – defender, NEW – £0m
Besic, M – midfielder, EVE – £0m
Anichebe, V – striker, WBA – £0m
Negredo, A – striker, MCY – £0m

Remaining budget: £8m

Second transfer window – Saturday 7 February 2015

In
Zaha, W – midfielder, CRY – £7m

Out
Delph, F – midfielder, AVL – £0m

Remaining budget: £11m

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Ophelia Hunt FC

Manager: Sholto

Nationality: Welsh

International honours: none

Buffon, G – ITA – GK  £2.00 
Marcelo – BRA – DEF  £19.00 
Johnson, G – ENG – DEF  £10.00 
Howedes, B – GER – DEF  £1.00 
Sagna, B – FRA – DEF  £8.00 
Modric, L – CRO – MID  £21.00 
Busquets, S – ESP – MID  £5.00 
Mirallas, K – BEL – MID  £8.00 
Isla, M – CHI – MID  £5.00 
Almeida, H – POR – STR  £5.00 
Huntelaar, K – NED – STR  £3.00 
   £87.00 
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Judean Peoples’ Front 2013/14

Sholto profile pic
Breivik-a-like: The Judean Peoples’ Front manager

Manager: Sholto (Wales)

Since: 2008

Last season: 3rd

Trophy cabinet: empty (best finish – last season)

Sympathies: Manchester United

Darts music: Serial Killa – Snoop Doggy Dogg

Outlook: Once upon a time the Judean Peoples’ Front manager’s most notable achievement was his uncanny resemblance to Norwegian mass murderer Anders Breivik, but in May the Welshman secured a podium finish – his best ever in four Kenna campaigns.

Last season’s success was built on a solid defensive platform – unlike his Scandinavian lone wolf doppelganger his side found the target the least number of times in the field – and again goals would appear to be this new team’s weakness. Jelavic and Rodriguez scored 14 times between them last term, and the Croat looked out of sorts compared to his initial spurt in England.

In midfield it’s the same story. Stewart Downing’s shortcomings are well documented, Holtby sits deep, Sidwell’s ginger and while an impressive player the marquee £23m signing Jack Wilshere struggles to apply his particular talents to the Kenna scoring system.

Just as Njemana Vidic and Branislav Ivanovic hint that the JPF manager is searching for that same defensive formula again, Ciaran Clark and Liam Ridgewell imply he ran out of ideas in the auction . At least Allan McGregor should start every game.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BJaVoKpHwd0&w=420&h=315]

Adrian WHU £0.5m
Ivanovic, B CHE £22m
Ridgewell, L WBA £4.5m
Clark, C AVL £1m
Vidic, N MUN £8.5m
Routledge, W SWA £1m
Wilshere, J ARS £23m
Erikson, C TOT £11m
Sidwell, S FUL £6.5m
Rodriguez, J SOT £0.5m
Jelavic, N HUL £3m
£85.5m

First transfer window – 5 October 2013

Starting budget: £16.5m, remaining budget: £5m, net loss: £11.5m

(Hyperlink denotes to which club player was sold)

Out       In      
Pos Player Team Sold Pos Player Team Paid
MID Downing, S WHU £0.5m MID Morrison, R WHU £0.5m
MID Holtby, L TOT Free MID Erikson, C TOT £11m
STR Rodriguez, J SOT Free STR Rodriguez, J SOT £0.5m

Second transfer window – 7 February 2014

Out       In      
Pos Player Team Sold Pos Player Team Paid
GK McGregor, A HUL £0.5m GK Adrian WHU £0.5m
MID Morrison, R WHU Free MID Routledge, W SWA £1m
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Judean Peoples’ Front

Manager: Sholto (Wales)

Since: 2008

Last season: 9th

Trophy cabinet: empty (best finish – 9th last season and in 2008/09)

Sympathies: Manchester United

Darts music: Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life – Monty Python

Outlook: Underachievement and a striking resemblance to Norwegian mass murderer Anders Breivik has blighted the Welshman’s managerial career, but this time he looks to have assembled a capable side. Jelavic is already living up to the hype, and Hart, Cashley and Enrique should be good for at least 150 points each.

No Brambles.

Hart, J MCY £22m
Enrique, J LIV £13m
Cole, A CHE £17m
Monreal, N ARS £22m
Lowton, M AVL £0.5m
Valencia, A MUN £17m
Britton, L SWA £0.5m
Cole, J WHM £10m
Beausejour, J WIG £0.5m
Adebayor, E TOT £0.5m
Rodriguez, J SOT £0.5m
 Total £103.5m

Second transfer window – 1 February 2013

Out     In
Gallas, W TOT £17m Monreal, N ARS £22m
Diaby, A ARS £0.5m Cole, J WHM £10m
Jelavic, N EVE £21m Adebayor, E TOT £0.5m
Rodallega, H FUL £0.5m Rodriguez, J SOT £0.5m

First transfer window – 26 October 2012

Out     In
Hutton, A AVL £0.5m Gallas, W TOT £17m
Squillaci, S ARS £0.5m Lowton, M AVL £0.5m
Parker, S TOT £0.5m Diaby, A ARS £0.5m
Tiote, C NEW £0.5m Beausejour, J WIG £0.5m
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Judean Peoples’ Front (second window)

Manager: Mr Sholto Gilbertson (WAL)

Since: 2008

Trophy cabinet: empty

Sympathies: Manchester United

Ruddy, J (B) NOR £0.5m
Heitinga, J EVE £8m
Gallas, W TOT £10m
Toure, K MCY £7m
Upson, M STO £4m
Scholes, P MUN £0.5m
Duff, D FUL £8m
N’Zogbia, C AVL £0.5m
Ramires CHE £9.5m
van Persie, R ARS £38.5m
Bellamy, C LIV £0.5m
£87m
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Judaen Peoples’ Front (first window)

Manager: Mr Sholto Gilbertson (WAL)

Since: 2008

Trophy cabinet: empty

Sympathies: Manchester United

Ruddy, J (B) NOR £0.5m
Williams, A SWA £2.5m
Gallas, W TOT £10m
Toure, K MCY £7m
Upson, M STO £4m
Cleverley, T MUN £7.5m
Duff, D FUL £8m
Derry, S QPR £1m
Ramires CHE £9.5m
van Persie, R ARS £38.5m
Bellamy, C LIV £0.5m
£89m
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Judean Peoples’ Front

Manager: Mr Sholto Gilbertson (WAL)

Since: 2008

Trophy cabinet: empty

Sympathies: Manchester United

Ruddy, J (B) NOR £0.5m
Johnson, G LIV £13m
Gallas, W TOT £10m
Bramble, T SUN £1m
Berra, C (B) WLV £0.5m
Taarabt, A QPR £11.5m
Duff, D FUL £8m
Valencia, A MUN £7m
Ramires CHE £9.5m
van Persie, R ARS £38.5m
Heskey, E (B) AVL £0.5m
£100m
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