What the chalkstripes in Kenna HQ speculations department are saying: Appears to have bought three players in no danger of walking on a football pitch anytime soon, another treble-winning season not on the cards – 50/1
Season preview in one sentence: In a bid to pick week-in-week-out players and grind out consistent performances, the chairman has assembled an unspectacular side heavily reliant on the fitness of Sergio Aguero.
Dawson, C (TW1)
Chambers, L (TW1)
Stones, J (TW2)
Talbot, F (TW2) (Bramble)
Peres, A (TW2)
First transfer window – 17 October 2014
Dawson, C – defender, WBA – £4m
Chambers, L – defender, ARS – £0.5m
Kaboul, Y – defender, TOT – £8m
Out McAuley, G – defender, WBA – £0m Sakho, M – defender, LIV – £0m Davies, B – defender, TOT – £0m
Outlook (on 27 September 2013): As both Kenna chairman and competitor, the former Vasco De Beauvoir manager faces an increasingly inescapable conundrum. At the reins of Kenna HQ, the chairman has seen the league swell in popularity and elan with a record 20 managers last season enjoying unprecedented attendance at transfer windows. In charge of Vasco De Beauvoir, the manager has overseen the club’s steady decline since the treble-winning year of 2010, resulting in a slump to relegation for the first time. Indifferent to the Kenna’s overall success, the powers that be at Vasco had enough. Despite bringing them more glory than any other team in the league’s history the manager was handed his P45 in May.
Taking the number 67 bus from De Beauvoir deeper into north London, the chairman has found new employ at Klub Sportowy in West Green, where the streets are literally paved with empty Polish beer cans. The Worcestershire man may be from the pear county, but five weeks into the season his tenure is failing to bear much fruit. Ashley Williams, Nathaniel Clyne and £40m Sergio Aguero may be justifying their expense, but the manager is beset by injury and loss of form.
The Ox made an impressive first 45 minutes to the season, but hasn’t played since. ‘Release’ Bryan Ruiz pulled up right in front of the manager’s nose at Craven Cottage two weeks ago. Andre Schurrle, who averages a goal every three games for club and country, is struggling to make an impact and looks like he will soon share a similar fate to Graham Dorrans and Wes Hoolahan – and lose his place in the starting line up. Mark Hudson captained his side last season but now can’t get a place in the team. Jordi Spence is on loan in the lower divisions. Anders Lindegaard is getting as much time in goal at Old Trafford as Anders Breivik.
So while KS West Green may not be in line for any traditional Kenna silverware, they’re surely an early favourite in the Little Maddy award for least appearances stakes.
Outlook: People used to say that Brazil were the Vasco De Beauvoir of world football, but those heady, summer, treble-winning days of 2010 seem a Rory Delap throw in away looking at the club’s current shower. In what’s become known as the most epic Bramble of all time, £40m Sergio Aguero was replaced in the auction by Leroy Lita, but a month-long lay off with injury means not even the prolific Argentine could have dragged this bunch of misfits to anything but a relegation battle. Tomas ‘Little Mozart’ Rosicky, himself off until October with injury, should be preparing a requiem for the manager’s chances of being employed come May.