Category: Stat attack

Midfield mediocrity is the trademark of the trophyless Kenna manager.

Bit-part, maybe men midfielders are as popular with managers at auction as Alex McLeish wearing a Wolves shirt on a night out in Digbeth.

Relying mainly of their creativity, these wingers, number 10s and false nines are more susceptible to the vagaries of form than any other Kenna player.

So it comes as little surprise that Dynamo Temple scoop the best midfield award because of a player who in previous seasons has frustrated managers with his unpredictability.

Now out of the shadow of his fellow countryman, Nani put in some of his best performances since the Thriller video and charged to 171 points this season. What a snip at £8m!

Perhaps more important an accolade is the ‘Mid-table Midfield Award’, which is awarded to a team who started the season with Joe Cole, Petrov, Milner and Hitzlsperger. Must be something to do with the altitude in Nepal.

1	Dynamo Temple	475
2	Vasco De Beauvoir	473
3	Lokomotiv Tooting	408
4	Thieving Magpies	407
5	Polonia Forsyth	398
6	Young Boys	390
7	Athletico Temple	389
8	Deportivo Kensington	384
9	CSKA Bashers	370
10	Spartak Mogadishu	367
11	Legia Forsyth	348
12	The Dan Terry Ultimatum	337
13	Barking Nepal	334
14	PSV Mornington	321
15	FC Gun Show	257
16	Walthamstow Network Solutions	203
17	Spare Parts	192

To stand any chance of winning the Kenna it’s imperative to have a back five as solid as Sepp Blatter’s gold toilet.

The 2010/11 award for best defence goes to champions Young Boys. The indomitable Cech, Vidic and Bale were ably supported by PFA Young Player of the Year Award-nominated Seamus Coleman and 38-games-this-season Roger Johnson.

At the tail end, Spartak Mogadishu’s Green, Warnock, Ryan Taylor, Kyrgiakos and Figueroa left a lot to be desired.

1	Young Boys	584
2	Legia Forsyth	555
3	FC Gun Show	534
4	Lokomotiv Tooting	497
5	CSKA Bashers	451
6	Barking Nepal	439
7	Vasco De Beauvoir	418
8	Polonia Forsyth	392
9	Dynamo Temple	387
10	Deportivo Kensington	382
11	Thieving Magpies	362
12	Spare Parts	347
13	Walthamstow Network Solutions	291
14	Athletico Temple	259
15	The Dan Terry Ultimatum	252
16	PSV Mornington	205
17	Spartak Mogadishu	167