Even without Rafa van der Vaart, Lokomotiv Leeds are giving FC Testiculadew a challenge; Little Pea, Dean Sturridge and the unlikely Victor Moses providing the lion’s share of the team’s points this week.
It’s fortunate that the Yorkshire club are just Juan Mata’s contribution this week behind, as the pack are ambling along 50 points off the leader.
The Chairman said: “Betting without Lokomotiv, only a small miracle can stop Mata and his FCT chums from completely running off with the league.
“Well, either a small miracle or playing Rooney deep in midfield and leaving Dzeko on the bench for a few games, although the latter doesn’t seem to be helping.”
The Young Boys manager has promised his charges a tilt at the cup
Group A
Young Boys held their nerve in the face of some Hairy Fadjeetas to claim three points in group A. The Kilburn outfit have a point to prove as they were knocked out at the group stage last season.
Thieving Magpies 16 – 25 Lokomotiv Leeds
Young Boys 27 – 25 Hairy Fadjeetas
Group B
Just Put Carles’ astronomic start to the season appears to be receeding after they were beaten by midtable strugglers Polonia Forsyth.
Robin van Persie, Chuck Norris and a barn owl watch JPF ship another goal
Anyone would assume that with Robin van Persie in your starting line up, your team would be soaring up the league.
Not the Judean Peoples’ Front boss, who really is struggling to spread his wings in midtable despite the Dutchman’s form.
“If Robin van Persie were a bird of prey, he’s be a fooking barn owl,” asserted the JPF manager in a faux Lancashire accent outside their Nazareth Rec home ground.
“As for the rest of my team they can flock off . Cleverly and Gallas are injured, the defence is sh1te, and why did I buy Shaun Derry?” said the beleagured manager, spitting feathers.
*For those who have no idea what this post is about ask the JPF manager to tell the story at the next transfer window
"...to be a successful manager you need skill, judgement, luck and not to be so far gone on auction night that you wake up the next day with Titus Bramble...especially now he's inside."
A little later than planned, last week’s scores are now available.
The table would’ve been up sooner, but the Chairman and Vasco boss were away on a management training course (in separate hotel rooms, mind).
Honoured to have been invited, the Vasco manager prepared a 30-minute PowerPoint presentation for the group entitled ‘Leading Your Team To Success’.
Unfortunately, the delegates did not share the Vasco manager’s enthusiasm for going through each week’s spreadsheet of the 2005/06 season, and he made a sharp exit before the crowd turned.
Luckily, the Chairman had already started the car.
Glory assured
Once this cursed international break is over, we’ll have definitely learned one thing: a team can be as comfortable in their fancy dan possession as they like, but to win matches a side doesn’t need the skill to string together more than three passes.
Certainly, the England team, in fact England as a whole, will now adopt this philosophy and full-scale frenzy will descend upon the country until they slink out of Poland and/or Ukraine after losing on penalties to a Republic of Ireland team who can string together just two passes.
If any Englishmen out there start thinking “Maybe we could just do it this….” Stop! Have a word with yourself. We haven’t done it for 46 years.
After a shaky start, defending champions Young Boys are making progress up the table.
Their autumn run is largely being attributed to the team’s fitness, and behind this is the recent appointment of a new club matron, Biffa Daley.
Under her firm hands the first team’s performances have grown solid, and her presence offers plenty of relief in the manager’s office.
However, rumours abound that her recruitment took place at the Young Boys Halloween bunga bunga party.
“I don’t know where these rumours have come from. I feel victimised,” said the Young Boys manager.
Another boss feeling beleaguered is the Spartak Mogadishu manager, who had a spurious excuse for the continuance of this season’s car crash last weekend.
“Me crew be distracted by a nearby fireworks display,” he shantied.
