Just Put Carles

Manager: Carles (Catalunya)

Twitter name: @cduzpalau

Since: 2010

Last season: 14th

Trophy cabinet: Empty (highest league position – 9th in 2010/11)

Sympathies: FC Barcelona

Darts music: Cant del Barca

Outlook: Retained the majestic services of David Silva for £10m than last season, but the manager only bought four more players at auction before leaving faster than an Alex Santos commute once he discovered his choice of wardrobe would mean buying the committee a round. Filled by Kenna HQ using the accepted procedure, the team now contains former Still Don’t Know Yet defender James Collins.

No Brambles

Schwarzer, M FUL £0.5m
Walker, K TOT £12m
Olsson, J WBA £0.5m
Collins, J WHM £0.5m
Rangel, A SWA £8m
Arteta, M ARS £16m
Silva, D MCY £32m
Osman, L EVE £0.5m
Henderson, J LIV £0.5m
Le Fondre, A REA £15m
Maloney, S WIG £1.5m
 Total £87m

Second transfer window – 1 February 2013

Out     In
Alcaraz, A WIG £0.5m Rangel, A SWA £8m
Welbeck, D MUN £7m Le Fondre, A REA £15m
Sturridge, D LIV £20m Maloney, S WIG £1.5m

First transfer window – 26 October 2012

No changes

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PSV Mornington (second window)

Manager: Mr Ramon Pons Condom (CAT)

Since: 2009

Trophy cabinet: empty

Sympathies: Barcelona

de Gea, D MUN £16m
Ferdinand, A QPR £7m
Cuellar, C AVL £2m
Brown, W SUN £6m
Alcaraz, A WIG £0.5m
Lampard, F CHE £28m
Murphy, D FUL £12m
Ben Arfa, H NEW £0.5m
Song, A ARS £3m
Defoe, J TOT £12m
Carroll, A LIV £6m
£93m
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