Oscar’s night

Browning 9mm Pistol
Shooter: Sporting Lesbian have scored 11 more goals than the next highest club this season

THE CASUAL Kenna manager must be hoping for some kind of Oscar Pistorius turn of fortune to beset Messrs Suarez and Aguero.

The Sporting Lesbian duo are fast leaving the rest of league behind. Chasing managers are wondering why their midnight trip to the John is being interrupted by the sound of a strange padding noise outside their bathroom door.

Chipping in with a paltry two appearance points, Maynor Figueroa was the only other Sporting man to contribute this week, but still the side outperformed all but one other.

No stranger to automatic weapons himself, Anders Breivik lookalike the Judean Peoples’ Front manager made his team’s case for a place in Europe as Jose Enrique and Ashley Cole both put in strong showings.

At the bottom Woking slipped even further away from safety. The manager’s competence has already been doubted by the highest authorities. How long until the club has their very own Night of the Short Blades?

Canesten Combi Cup second leg of the last 16 this weekend. Away goals count. Download the free wallchart.

League table

Week 25 - 19 February 2013
Week 25 – 19 February 2013

Weekly scores

Manager Points Goals
1 Still Don’t Know Yet Pete 36 5
2 Sporting Lesbian Ben M 30 3
3 Judean Peoples’ Front Sholto 30 1
4 Dynamo Charlton Alex 22 2
5 Newington Reds Dudley 21 1
6 Piedmonte Phil 20 1
7 Just put Carles Carles 19 0
8 Pikey Scum Jack 17 1
9 Greendale Rockets Stu 15 1
10 Headless Chickens John N 14 1
11 FC Testicluadew James N 13 1
12 PSV Mornington El Pons 12 1
13 Hairy Fadjeetas Aiden 12 0
14 Bala Rinas Lewis 11 0
15 Lokomotiv Leeds Ben S 10 0
16 Woking Mike 8 0
17 Northern Monkeys Hugo 7 0
18 Spartak Mogadishu Abdi 6 0
19 Vasco De Beauvoir Stix 6 0
20 Wandsworth Window Lickers Will 6 0
Points Player
Player of the week 15 Aguero, S – MCY – STR
Club Sporting Lesbian
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Judean Peoples’ Front

Manager: Sholto (Wales)

Since: 2008

Last season: 9th

Trophy cabinet: empty (best finish – 9th last season and in 2008/09)

Sympathies: Manchester United

Darts music: Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life – Monty Python

Outlook: Underachievement and a striking resemblance to Norwegian mass murderer Anders Breivik has blighted the Welshman’s managerial career, but this time he looks to have assembled a capable side. Jelavic is already living up to the hype, and Hart, Cashley and Enrique should be good for at least 150 points each.

No Brambles.

Hart, J MCY £22m
Enrique, J LIV £13m
Cole, A CHE £17m
Monreal, N ARS £22m
Lowton, M AVL £0.5m
Valencia, A MUN £17m
Britton, L SWA £0.5m
Cole, J WHM £10m
Beausejour, J WIG £0.5m
Adebayor, E TOT £0.5m
Rodriguez, J SOT £0.5m
 Total £103.5m

Second transfer window – 1 February 2013

Out     In
Gallas, W TOT £17m Monreal, N ARS £22m
Diaby, A ARS £0.5m Cole, J WHM £10m
Jelavic, N EVE £21m Adebayor, E TOT £0.5m
Rodallega, H FUL £0.5m Rodriguez, J SOT £0.5m

First transfer window – 26 October 2012

Out     In
Hutton, A AVL £0.5m Gallas, W TOT £17m
Squillaci, S ARS £0.5m Lowton, M AVL £0.5m
Parker, S TOT £0.5m Diaby, A ARS £0.5m
Tiote, C NEW £0.5m Beausejour, J WIG £0.5m
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Young Boys of Kilburn (second window)

Manager: Mr Andrew Denney (WAL)

Since: 2006

Trophy cabinet: league 2011

Sympathies: Spurs

Given, S AVL £8m
Kompany, V MCY £27m
Ferdinand, R MUN £0.5m
Cole, A CHE £28.5m
Taiwo, T QPR £0.5m
Gomez, J WIG £1m
Reo-Coker, N BOL £0.5m
Cabaye, Y NEW £0.5m
Chamberlain, A ARS £15m
Jelavic, N EVE £0.5m
Walters, J STO £15m
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